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Mum Might have cancer

Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
Hey Guys ,

so I’m really stressed and agitated at the moment, mum is having tests done for bowel cancer ... and it’s stressing me out , it wouldn’t stress me as much but she’s had cancer twice in the past and she keeps saying “you know that they say once you’ve had it , it never really leaves you” and everytime she’s got it, it has come back every 7 years .... it’s been 7 years since she had cervical cancer.

Im scared , she will have to take a lot of time off work and we wouldn’t be able to afford that .. we’d be getting back into debt again and my care role wojld
get so much worse and I don’t think I could cope. That’s even if she could fight it , she’s much older now and I don’t know if she would cope with treatment/ surgery 

she has to go for a CT scan next Saturday and were waiting for an appointment for an colonoscopy..

Guys I’m scared 🥺
Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    Hiya,

    I’m really sorry to hear that it must be absolutely awful and really scary. 

    I’ve no advice for you but just wanted to send you massive hugs <3 always here if you need a chat 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Sending massive hugs @Millie2787, I can't imagine how hard things must be for you right now❤️ 

    For the money worries, have you ever considered applying for benefits if things turn for the worst? 
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Salix_alba_2019 said:
    For the money worries, have you ever considered applying for benefits if things turn for the worst? 
    @Salix_alba_2019 I wouldn’t even know where to start either Dad would have to give up work or my sister to help care for her whilst me and brother are still in education.

    I don’t know maybe I’m jumping the gun abir but I’m just scared 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    It sucks doesn't it 😢 

    It's okay to be scared hun and you've been doing such a fantastic job at getting by ❤️. Watching a loved one go through cancer twice let alone twice sounds so upsetting.

    Hopefully something can be done to help relive the financial stressors. @The Mix  what do you recon?

  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Im sorry I just feel so stupid :( 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Wish I knew what to say but I don’t want to repeat what you always here so I’m just going to send you hugs <3 x
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Sending hugs lovely. 
    Take each day as it comes 💕 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Sending hugs, we are here for you :heart:
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    edited July 2020
    Blimey @Millie2787. :( There are no words. It's enough for someone to deal with cancer (either themselves or via someone else) once in their life; three times is just not fair on either of you.

    @Salix_alba_2019 said:
    Hopefully something can be done to help relive the financial stressors. @The Mix  what do you recon?

    Macmillan have a Support Line you can call, which might be worth a try. Cancer Research UK also have some information on government benefits. Under 'available benefits', it lists a bunch of things you're entitled to claim so it might be worth looking at that and seeing what's viable for you.

    Also, are you a member of any cancer-based communities Millie? They're not only for cancer patients, but also their loved ones. The people in my life who have experienced cancer either directly or indirectly often talk about how much those shared community spaces help.

    By the way, you're not being stupid or jumping the gun here. Processing this news is a huge amount to ask anyone, emotionally and mentally. And ultimately you're looking to prepare by thinking about things like finances, which is a very responsible thing to be doing. But regardless of how you feel, it's valid. Because there's no 'right' way to take or process this. I'd be scared too.

    Keep us updated, and I'm sending love to you and everyone else. What a shit thing. :(
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    edited July 2020
    You've been affected by cancer, @Millie2787, which means some of that support is for you too. :)

    Even if your mum doesn't definitely have it, the fact she's had it in the past and the looming prospect of her having it now is absolutely enough for you to use those spaces. The trauma of cancer lasts way past someone being in remission, and the dread of someone potentially being diagnosed with it is a serious thing that deserves some care and attention.

    Also, it's not to consider your own needs. :) Ever.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @mike

    Right now I’m trying so hard to push it to the back
    of my mind In the hope of eases some of the anxiety and worry 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    So just abit of an update 

    So Mum has the results back from her CT scan ... Thank fuck nothing showed on there of concern , she had a small kidney stone in her left kidney and a small mass on the top of her adrenal glad but there too small for them to worry about. Now we just have to wait for her Colonoscopy appointment 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    Hi @Millie2787 really nice to see that update. The results sound really encouraging for you and your mum. Hope the next appointment goes okay :)

    How are you feeling right now?
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    @Jordan I’m not sure it’s like everything rests on this one last test and I’m just praying that it comes back clear ... I’m not well myself waiting for hospital refferal  so I need her to be okay so I can make sure I’m okay 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Millie2787 said:
    @Mike Ill have alook at those links thank you ... I’m not a part of any community as I feel bad being there since she doesn't actually have cancer yet ... 

    Hey @Millie2787 I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sending positive wishes. Just wanted to say you can still contact MacMillan for help whether she has a diagnosis or not. I recently had a nodule found in my lung and needed a load of tests for cancer (it was non cancerous in the end thankfully) and MacMillan were an amazing support. They do support families as well as patients. 

    Hope everything turns out ok for both of you 💜
    Lucy 

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    edited July 2020
    Hey @Millie2787

    I'm glad to see that this thread is helping you to talk about what you are experiencing. Everyone's comments are so valid and I'd like to reiterate what @Mike has said both about feeling that you are welcome within those cancer communities and that the processing of this trauma takes much longer than the time of remission takes. 

    It's really great news about the all clears from the first two tests and fingers crossed about the final test. You mentioned that you are waiting for a hospital referral yourself, would you like to talk about that? 

    You also said that you were trying to push all these worrying thoughts to the back of your mind in order to try and relieve some of the anxiety you're experiencing. How has this been so far?

     I can only speak for myself but sometimes I find it useful to confront the things that are making me anxious, and try and sit with them and accept them. Often that feeling anxiety stems from trying to take control over things that are out of our control. It's not an easy thing to do but would you say that what is going on right now is out of your control? 

    Sending positive thoughts and hugs towards you and your family <3
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Hey 

    I’m just having some issues with my bladder nothing major but it’s like I don’t want to add to mums worry.

    its been hard to keep those thoughts pushed back but it’s like when I do manage to my head just fills the space with another anxious thought 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    edited July 2020
    sending you hugs and massive positive vibrations @Millie2787

    Take care, okay? listen an calm music, i hope this can help you a little..

    and you have to talk to her, you know... or maybe to someone esle :/ this is an impportant thing 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @Millie2787

    Sending you huge hugs. This sounds so difficult, I am pleased you opened up here. Whenever you feel like you're pushing anxious thoughts away or your head is becoming filled with them, please always remember you can let them out here, always :heart:

    Please do keep us updated - I really hope everything turns out for the best :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hey Millie

    Just want to check in and see how you are doing?
    Have you seen your GP about your health issues?
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