Father's Day Hugs

Zen

Hey Everyone  

So as many as you probably know, it is Father's Day today in the UK. For a lot of people this will be a day of celebrating and spending time with your father or father figure but, for many other people, Father's Day can be a difficult day. 

If you are struggling, then please do comment on this thread and as a community we can all support each other and be there to listen.  

I myself found Father's Day hard for many years but I was lucky enough to have the greatest step-dad in the world a few years ago who made this day more positive for me. It breaks my heart to know that not everyone is so lucky to have a loving father figure so I want you to be reminded that you are loved by everyone here at The Mix! 

I have posted some links to where you can find support this Father's Day (and beyond), don't suffer alone  

https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/home-families/seasonal-events/fathers-day/

samaritans.org 

GreenTea

i hate farther day, post because he's always deployed during it so i dont get to see him. we dont have a good relaitonship anyway but it still sucks. i miss him. i havent seen him since christmas. ive avoid social media today because so many people are bragging about how great their dads are and all this and that crap and it hurts

Zen

@GreenTea I get that, it must be hard to not be able to see him  

Stephanie

Sending hugs to all those who may need them.

Thank you @Eleanor for starting this discussion, I imagine it's going to provide comfort to many people

Zen

Thank you @Stephanie

Starlight

I have a strange relationship with my dad I feel really guilty saying this but he thinks he’s an amazing dad and I’m sure he tries to be a good dad but he’s been putting me down recently even if he doesn’t realise and I can’t speak to him about anything. Everyone thinks my family is perfect but, and this might just be me, but I really don’t think it is. And again don’t want to sound ungrateful but today he outright called me brainwashed and it hurt it really did but I didn’t say anything because it’s Father’s Day and I shouldn’t be rude to him and it would just make everything worse anyways. I found it so hard writing his card this morning had no clue what to say so just had to lie a whole bunch. Feel bad about it, I’ve got a dad and I know I should be grateful.

Sorry if it just sounds like I’m complaining about my dad, he’s great but just not comfortable etc. around him at the moment.

Zen

@Starlight There's absolutely no need to apologise That is what this thread is for! 

You're allowed to feel what emotions you need to and no matter what anyone says, they can not take that away from you! Relationships are difficult with ups and downs and no family is perfect so there shouldn't be a pressure to be. I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to post this  

Starlight

@Eleanor thanks been wanting to get that off my chest for a while now, I felt sick writing it and still scared I posted it, don’t know if I should’ve now

Zen

@Starlight Sometimes we just need a weight off of our shoulders  

If it would feel more comfortable, you can delete the post, that's an option. But remember that this is a safe space where you can speak freely As well as supporting yourself, you're also letting others know that they are not alone! 

Starlight

Thank you so much, nahh it can stay think it was just the initial posting, it does feel better to have posted now 

Past User

Thank you for this post @Eleanor, I miss my dad more than I'd know how to properly put into words. Sorry to hear about how you feel during Father's day but happy to hear you have a good step dad to make it easier, whether it's a little easier or a lot, though hopefully the latter.  

It's completely understandable for you to miss him @GreenTea, especially if you've been feeling low for some time recently. Whether you have a complicated relationship or not, its comforting to have a father figure around, and I'm sorry you don't have that at the moment. I feel much the same way about social media, so much on there messes with my head so I tend to just stay off of it, as it brings out the worst in me really. I'd love to say I don't begrudge others having their dad around, and being able to spend time with them and post about it. But I kinda do, I'm not infallible I guess, and neither is anybody else. Are you able to talk to him still? And when are you set to see him again?

@Starlight, theres absolutely no need to apologise and you did well to post and get it off your chest, it sounds like it was very difficult for you. You're completely right, relationships can be complicated, so try to remember that you're allowed to love your Dad even if you have problems with him, often time despite the problems. If this is how it's making you feel though, you really should try to mention it, if you're able. I don't know your exact circumstances but from my experience, telling your dad the truth and drawing lines about certain things is a good thing. It will probably be a blow at first, but with people who care about you it won't matter and will likely serve to make the relationship better. That being said I hope you're able to talk a little more about what's bothering you and hopefully we'll all be able to support you through it. If you were feeling guilty because you've "got a dad" and "should be grateful" then try not to. Everybody is different and everybody's circumstances and environment are different. Somebody will always have it worse, but does that really mean you shouldn't get the support you need? What's tangible and what matters is how you feel and doing what you can to make it better, so I'm glad and proud that you were able to post.

Starlight

Thanks @Spook98 I try not to feel guilty but it’s just so hard, I’ve tried to talk to him but he just doesn’t understand and I’ve got so much else to worry about which he also doesn’t get so it’s just hard and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do anymore. Thanks for the support though 

Past User

@Starlight, yeah I know how hard it is first hand that's why I said "try." Often times I'm not very good at taking my own advice.

I'm sorry to hear about him not understanding, it must be extremely difficult to feel that way when it's already hard enough to talk about things. Any ideas as to why he doesn't understand though? Here any time if you need to talk about it.

Salix_alba_2019

Today wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. This year will be 3 years since he passed. 

coc0mac

Just popping on to send hugs to each and every one of you

Starlight

Thanks so much at @Spook98 he’s got really strong opinions about all of the current situations at the minute and has completely different views to me and cannot understand anyone else’s views he thinks he’s right and I’m wrong every time and a lot of the things he says are very racist etc. And some of the things he says are very offensive etc. And he can get very aggressive at times, I try to avoid these sorts of conversations but my brother (who is disabled) keeps bringing  the conversations up after seeing things in the news so I try to escape these conversations but then I feel bad for leaving him. Sorry if this is too much, and I feel really stupid saying this cos it sounds like not a big deal but I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m already struggling and he doesn’t make it any easier and I can’t talk to him about how I’m feeling because he makes comments which I know I will fall into.

Again sorry for the rant

Past User

Again no need to apologise @Starlight, and don't feel stupid because you feel like it's not a big deal because it is really. I've actually had something similar happen with my cousin. We're very close but also very different, and he sometimes says racist and offensive things and it makes me very uncomfortable. It's strange because I know he can be a good person, as he's been very good to me over the years, but I guess certain thought processes and behaviours get so deeply ingrained that they're hard to challenge. In the times when he's making me feel uncomfortable though a bit of space tends to be a good thing, but you say you feel bad about leaving him (I'm assuming you mean your brother). Is this something you're able to talk about with your mum? When you say he can get aggressive, is it something that worries you? Is a lot of what you're struggling with at the moment to do with current situations?

Starlight

@Spook98 I feel bad leaving both my brother and dad, I don’t know how to speak to my mum properly about it I’m still trying to work up the courage to talk to her about my mental health due to an incident with her being annoyed at me for talking about my mental health before. I’m not really struggling with current situations per say as I was already struggling before hand and it’s just continuing to get worse now. Although I am struggling with my sexuality at the moment although I’ve never really spoken about it and it’s an uncomfortable topic for me to discuss right now and it doesn’t help when he talks bad about the LGBTQ+ community etc. but that isn’t the main thing I’m worried about at the minute. I just have a lot going on in my head at the moment anyways. And him getting aggressive isn’t really him getting physical per say it’s more his tone of voice etc. and i sometimes find it quite threatening and it scares me to think maybe he could get physically violent at some point, he’s a very strong big man so could easily cause damage. But I know he never will he’s just not that type of person, he was a nurse until he retired a few years ago!! It just scares me to think he could though. I don’t know it sounds stupid never mind aha thanks anyways