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Controlling parents

cathm42cathm42 Posts: 2 Newbie
So i’ve just turned 19, home from university due to corona virus and honestly i cannot wait to get out of this house. My parents have always been super strict with me since i can remember. When i was first allowed to start meeting friends, around 13/14, in town I had to be home by 4pm, even though i would only be meeting my friends 10 minutes from my house. As i grew up they maintained their strictness, wasn’t allowed to leave the house without asking days in advance, between ages 16-18 i wasn’t allowed to come home any later than 9pm. Once i turned 18 they loosened their grip, allowing me to go out whenever i wanted, stay out as late as i wanted as long as i asked beforehand. However when I came home for corona virus the strictness heighten again. Couldn’t go to the shop without asking and was given a 10 minute time limit to be out the house. When it was announced that we could meet 1 person from other households as long as we kept socially distanced, I was not allowed. I wasn’t allowed to go out for any form of daily exercise like the government allowed. I have been fully confined to the house, unable to do anything without being controlled. I’m told when to go to bed, I get woken every morning at 9am even with nothing to do during the day. They constantly use the excuse ‘you don’t pay the bills so you don’t get a say’ and ‘you’re living under our roof so it’s our rules’. On multiple occasions I have tried to pay my share of the rent for the house in attempts to get some freedom but they refuse it, almost so they can keep their control over me. Yesterday I put my foot down and went for a bike ride with one of my friends, socially distanced of course, when i returned home, they took my house key off me and shouted at me as if i was a little child, calling me all names under the sun and stating that ‘as i continue to live under their roof i will not be allowed to leave this house no matter what’. I’m 19 years old, they tell me to act like an adult but then refuse to allow me to act in anyway like an adult. I buy my own clothes and the majority of my own food, as well as my own phone bill etc. Has anyone got any suggestions on how i should deal with the situation??? I will honestly take any advice i can get atm!!!!

Comments

  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hi @cathm42

    This sounds really tough! I think it's really difficult for lots of people who have had to move home and spend 24/7 with their parents (I know I feel like that) but it sounds like their controlling behaviour is really starting to become unbearable for you. I wonder if you could sit down and ask them why they are being this way with you? It sounds like they might just be trying to protect you from the coronavirus but are taking it to the extreme?

    You might find this article useful: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/family-life/how-to-live-with-your-parents-3296.html


    Try and remember that it's not forever - maybe you could write down some things you are looking forward to when life starts to go back to normal :)
    cathm42
  • JordanJordan Posts: 305 Super Moderator
    edited May 2020
    Hi @cathm42 this sounds like a really tough situation to be in. It sounds like you feel they are still treating you like a little kid, and while you have taken steps to try make yourself "equal" by offering to pay bills and such they aren't willing to accept that.

    I can't say I have experienced the level of control from my parents you are talking about, but I can sympathise with the idea of not looking forward to going back home. I'm in my 3rd year of Uni and I remember in 1st year after living in Halls for a year I really enjoyed that independence so much that going back home wasn't always what I was looking forward too. It sounds like you are in a much tougher situation than I was, so I can only appreciate how rough this lockdown summer might be for you. 

    I really like @Han93 link to that article as well as their suggestion of figuring out what you are looking forward to. Have you tried having a proper talk with your parents? For example, sitting them down and explaining how you feel and the situation you are in?

    I'm not sure if any of this advice will be applicable, but I can tell you what I found helpful. I stayed in Halls my first two years at Uni which meant I had to return home at summer/Christmas, which I am sure is the situation you are in. I "solved" this by working a lot, or doing some work at summer camps and stuff that involved me staying away from home. In my third year, I rented a flat with a friend which meant that I had a lease over Christmas/summer. I still visit my parents as much as I can, but it means I am not "stuck"  there and if I want to I can just stay at my flat. This obviously might not work for you, or might not even be an option, but from personal experience of not wanting to stay at home constantly, this is what helped me. Your situation is obviously different, so take my what worked for me with a grain of salt :)

    Hope this of some help. Let us know how you are getting on.
    cathm42
  • cathm42cathm42 Posts: 2 Newbie
    hey guys!! thank you so much for your comments. i sat down with my parents and had a conversation about everything and they are now allowing me to meet one friend once a week, with social distancing obviously, and i have to say i’m over the moon with the progress. thankfully the estate agents for my uni house have gotten in touch and have said i can move into my uni house from mid of july so i will be moving up there for a month or so for some space. i have also got myself a working from home job so i will be able to support myself when i get back up to uni. again thank you soooo much for your support and concern, really meant the world to me. hope you are both okay as well xxx
    chubbydumplingAzziman
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 12,452 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    cathm42 said:
    hey guys!! thank you so much for your comments. i sat down with my parents and had a conversation about everything and they are now allowing me to meet one friend once a week, with social distancing obviously, and i have to say i’m over the moon with the progress. thankfully the estate agents for my uni house have gotten in touch and have said i can move into my uni house from mid of july so i will be moving up there for a month or so for some space. i have also got myself a working from home job so i will be able to support myself when i get back up to uni. again thank you soooo much for your support and concern, really meant the world to me. hope you are both okay as well xxx
    That is progress. Pleased for you! You deserve you indepence. Here for when you wanna talk!
    Hi
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 487 Moderator
    Hey @cathm42 :3

    Sounds like there's been some real progress there, I'm so glad your parents were willing to listen and change their behaviour. Congrats on the new job! 
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