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I don't know what to do.

R0sieR0sie Posts: 1 Just got here
edited May 2020 in Sex & Relationships
I have an issue and I'm at loss with how to deal with it. I apologise in advance if this is all waffle and doesn't make much sense but i've just had a little cry and i feel like i need to get this off of my chest.

At 18 years old I moved into a one bed room flat. I paid a lot of money to have it all decorated, I had the bed room totally revamped because although it was cheap rent, the flat itself wasn't very nice however after breaking the bank, I managed to get it looking how i wanted it. To pay for it all i was working 2 jobs, leaving the flat at 6am and not getting home until 9pm.

My boyfriend at the time was having issues with his parents and they had kicked him out of their home. I, obviously offered for him to come and live with me. He took me up on this offer and moved in. At first it was great but i soon started to realise that he was costing me a lot of money and i had to pick up another job, a night shift just to be able to feed him and he had doubled my electricity bill.

My dad was really angry that i was working so many hours and so he offered my boyfriend a job working at our family business. My boyfriend, after me begging him, accepted the job offer and went to work for my dad however my dad was forced to fire him, he had been given so many warnings for things like being late, for slacking on the job and the straw which broke the camels back was when he stole from one of my dads customers.

My boy friend then sat at home all day playing on his playstation and drinking alcohol whilst i were out working. I decided after 1 year that he was making me feel so run down. He never complimented me, offered to cook meals or do anything to help. He was using me for a roof over his head and only actually paid attention to me when he wanted sex. I broke up with him and gave him one month to find a place to live because he weren't to live with me anymore. I slept on the sofa whilst he had the bedroom.

I'm now 20 years old, living in the same flat, still sleeping on the sofa. I have a better job and thankfully not working as many hours but my ex boyfriend is still here and i do not know how to get him to move on because he refuses to get a job (he's too lazy) and he is even too lazy to sign on so he brings absolutely ZILCH into the flat and is living in my bedroom.

He doesn't do the house work, I cook for him, His bedroom is an absolute bomb site (which is sooo embarrassing and upsetting after i had spent so much money on doing it up), he doesn't do anything other than play on his play station, i even have to flush the toilet once he has used it. I'm getting home from work and having to do the house work, then cook for us both, clean up after him and pay bills whilst he sits and does absolutely nothing and i've had enough of it!

We are still good friends and this is why it's so hard to kick him out, i know that if i do, he will be homeless. I went into his room and unplugged the playstation so that we could talk because he wasn't listening and he pushed me onto the bed and sat ontop of me screaming in my face and he has now fitted a lock onto his door. I've never seen him so angry and all because i unplugged his gaming console.

I have a small pot which i put £10 into every week. i'm saving my money because my parents have offered to take me on holiday next year. He helps himself to money out of my jar to buy crisps, chocolate, energy drinks and alcohol. I decided to buy a safe which locks with a key because if ever i left £1 or even 50p around, he would pocket it. I put all my money into the safe and even still noticed that money was going missing out of the safe.. i later found out that he had gotten a replica key cut and was stealing my money and to pay for this he used MY money. He steals food when i do a weekly shop, he took my bracelet which my nana had bought me and sold it to buy a game... he steals EVERYTHING and not just that but he is a compulsive liar and lies about things which don't need to be lied about. When i confront him he just rolls his eyes and asks me to stop being mean and it makes me question whether or not i'm being a bitch to him.

I fallen out with my landlords over a massive increase in rent and so i have found a perfect new flat. It's more expensive but it's beautiful and just over the road from this flat. I told my ex and he asked how many bedrooms it had, i said one and he said who's having the bedroom?. I don't know how to tell him that it's time for him to move on. I'm talking to a new person who i really quite like and i cannot live with my ex anymore. I need to be free from him because he is making me feel like shit.

I wouldn't mind him coming along with me if he would get a job, be clean and help with the house work but he refuses and when i moan at him he just rolls his eyes and acts like i'm the person in the wrong? It got to the point where i was moaning at him every day and now i just accept that he's not going to change. He makes me feel so exhausted and drained. I feel like i'm headed for a break down. He is the biggest slob i have ever met and i cannot see him ever changing.

Am i so awful that in 2 months time im going to be making my friend homeless? :'( I'm losing sleep over this. It's so hard.


  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    If its reassurance you need then no, you're not awful, and from what you've said it's probably quite the opposite. It sounds as though you've been reasonable to an extent I never could have managed, and unfortunately, that kindness is being taken advantage of. If it's at a point where it's seriously negatively affecting you, then I would say enough is enough. Do what's best for you - chances are it's what he needs to experience too.

    Best of luck with however you decide to move forward.
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @R0sie and welcome 😊

    Sounds like you worked really hard to make your flat a nice safe space and your boyfriend took total advantage of your kindness to him. I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through with him. By the sounds of it you have given him a lot of chances but to be honest I think he is walking all over you and showing no respect to you. You sound like a lovely person being worried about what he will do without you but he has pushed you to the point you are exhausted, being stolen from, you said yourself you feel like you’re heading for a breakdown - do you think he is stopping to think about your feelings?

    In my view the quicker you can get him out of your life the better. I know you said you feel like he is your friend but would you treat any of your friends in the way he is treating you? Would you put up with anyone else in your life stealing from you and screaming at you?

    You're not in any way an awful person for this. Let us know how you’re getting on 💜

    - Lucy 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    You dont deserve this treatment rosie and you need to think of yourself first🤗 he is using you and taking advantage and you do NOT need to doubt yourself over him. This will be why his parents chucked him out. You are not responsible for him in anyway and you do not need to take his feelings on. He is a grown young man he is not your problem he is old enough to look after himself. How he feels is his problem he has caused this himself. He is not thinking of your feelings when he is doing no housework and basically sponging off you and stealing from u and
     believe me he will never change. Dont think of him it's not reciprocated and he is not a nice person. As hard as it is you need to chuck him out as it is the only way he will learn. You are a kind, caring, loving, thoughtful person and such a good friend and it's so sad that these beautiful qualities are what are keeping you stuck in this situation. They are being used in the most awful way by a horrible guy. I used to be just like you and I know how it feels honestly and now I'm learning to be strong and think of myself in situations like this and u should to. He is manipulating u u need to throw him out seriously💗 
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Honestly I promise u rosie he will NOT change stop wasting your life and time on him and cut ties, you come first  💗💗💗
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