A pondering thought (Poem) (TRIG SH WARNING)

Distraction

I have a pondering thought,

And it feeds off my heart.

 

It takes the guilt, the pain and hate,

To a very dark place.

 

It grows and it waits,

Until there's nothing left, but a hole in its place.

 

So it creates.

 TW: self-harm

Twisting my mind into taking a blade

Just so it can stay alive

Eating through the pain I make.

(I think this poem describes the circle of SH quite well and maybe even why it's so hard to brake and stay away from)

Distraction

I’m a little tired,

A little sad,

And a little disappointed,

 

I don’t want to smile,

I don’t want to frown,

 

I don’t want to be alive, but I don’t want to die.

 

I’m just a little tired,

And I might not know why,

 

But at least I try to understand

That maybe one day,

Life might shine.

 

But just for now,

Let me drown.

 

Let me slip away.

 

Let me be okay.

Distraction

I’m not trying to be brave.

And I’m not trying to pretend like everything is ok,

 

But when I see your face,

I hide it all away.

 

I don’t let it show,

And I keep it a hold.

 

Because I find it hard

To express how much it hurts inside.

 

How much pain is lock away,

Believe me I wish I could say.

 

I wish I could tell you

That I’m not ok

 

But these crippling emotions,

Cloud my brain,

And not even a whisper will reach your way. 

Distraction

It’s ok child

I’m here with you.

 

It’s ok to be scared,

I know mummy won’t hurt you.

 

I know because I’ve been here,

Because I am you.

 

I came back to hold your hand, through this nightmare.

 

I’ll stay all night if I have to,

I’ll guard the door.

 

Don’t worry I got you.

 

I’m here to protect you,

 

I know you feel alone,

I know it’s horrible what your going through,

 

I know you can’t tell a soul even though you want to,

 

But I promise my child you will see tomorrow,

 

Now get some rest, I’ll protect you.