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Is it normal?

One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 485 Rampant Poster
well I think most about what I’m going to say won’t make sense but we will see I guess. So I was wondering is depression and anxiety always noticeable. I’m going back a good few years I think it was a mixture of things to do with family and other stuff. But I felt so low I was still eating but not as much as I usually did as I wasn’t that hungry, I was going through phases of sleeping easily then not being able to sleep and was over all just didn’t feel like me, eventually I went the doctors and he put me on a course called changes and prescribed some anti depressants for a month and he said that even if I was feeling better I had to go back... I didn’t. The changes course seemed to help, the first session I sat by myself and tried to sit alone during the break (who would want to interact with me.) to my surprise the group actually came over to me and over all it helped. I got annoy my mum which I rarely do and when I do I don’t usually show it. This was because when she found my tablets she was angry that I didn’t tell her I was feeling low, to which I responded “no because I don’t want people constantly watching me and asking if I’m ok” then I got annoyed that she kept texting me while I attended the first session at changes say that I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to, I just replied saying it’s fine while thinking “omg just leave me alone!” Again that wasn’t like me and then one day we were watching telly and I sighed to which my mum sharply said “for god sake go and do something with yourself, sort your room out or go for a walk.” I can’t remember my exact reply but it was some like “I only sighed, I’m fine this is why I didn’t want to tell anyone.” And then went upstairs to watch telly.

so as I say I never went back but I wonder if some of the behaviour I have now is actually normal?

 I worry a lot about what people say, do or think about me I hate messing up and it plays on my mind for ages after and ok it’s not constant but for weeks or even months thinking about it makes me uncomfortable and think what an idiot I am or must be. I often think I’m crap at my job, I’m now 25, every time I get a job they always seem impressed and then after about 5/6 moths I’m offered a permanent job only to be told not long after that they can’t keep me on for whatever reason. I know my first job was for 3 years which was good but then I had to leave as my role was no longer required, I look at myself and sometimes I think I look ok but a lot of the time I look and think about how much weight I’ve gained since I stopped seeing my dietary nurse, while seeing her every month I was feeling ok and did notice the little changes. She was helping me get down to a healthy weight, I wasn’t massively overweight but I wanted to loose it but couldn’t and obviously can’t do it alone. I like spending time alone and have any “real” hobbies I sleep well most of the time and have the odd night where I can’t sleep. I worry about what my future holds, will I ever hold a job down, will I ever find love when it seems that anyone I talk to just want sex and nothing else and more importantly will my cousins stay close to me, we are all very close but as they get older I know that they will grow apart from me. Sometimes I do wonder if there is any value in me or am I always going to be this way, single, fat and constantly job hopping.

is this even normal?
HowDoYouTalkAboutItJade09Books_and_Chocolate

Comments

  • HowDoYouTalkAboutItHowDoYouTalkAboutIt Posts: 56 Miniposter
    Hi I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are but I know from personal experience about some of the things you used to feel. I currently go through episodes of sleeping then not sleeping for a couple of days. There is probably a reason but personally I just tell myself if my body is tired I will sleep, this isn't righ but that's my outlook on it. I also am getting annoyed at people and snapping but I think this is part of maturing and as you are learning to cope and deal with things in a new way which is part of being human. 

    Sorry this probably hasn't been much help and home someone else can help clear up or help you understand what's going on. 
    One-in-a-million
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 485 Rampant Poster
    @HowDoYouTalkAboutIt thanks I try to see if it’s related to certain times but I loose track so I don’t think there is a particular pattern to it. I just want to feel normal which I don’t think I am. I know people say “what is normal” but think of it like this image what an average 25 year old is like... thats not me as much as I wish it was it’s not. 

    I know what you mean about snapping I’m being careful not to do it because when I snap I feel angry but then feel bad about snapping and someone and then worry about upsetting them or about their reaction towards me. So most of the time I tey to just say things in my mind thwn out loud problem with this is I’m rubbish at standing up for myself. This means I don’t retaliate when for example things are being said to me that aren’t very nice, I either get defensive and give excuses   
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 401 Rampant Poster
    Hey @One-in-a-million

    That's a good question, I don't think I can answer for you personally. Have you ever asked somone close to you if they've noticed changes in your behaviour? I find that asking others is a good way to get an objective answer. That being said if you're really good at hiding things, people don't always notice.  Sometimes, our reactions can be warranted and sometimes, our behaviour can be impacted by things like lack of sleep. Most of the time people don't equate a change of behaviour to mental illnesses (unless you're showing severe signs).

    Life really is like going on a long car ride. No one really tells  you how to be an adult, we just make it up as we go along. we're constantly growing as people and gaining new experiences. 


    There will always be value to you, regardless of circumstances because your worth isn't determined by your relationship status, appearance or job title.

    It's tough out there but you know what? You're even tougher 😉
  • HowDoYouTalkAboutItHowDoYouTalkAboutIt Posts: 56 Miniposter
    @One-in-a-million you say about wanting to feel normal but I strongly believe that being different is the best. You may not be happy with how you act and feel and through feeling that way you can develop yourself no matter your age. Being different is what makes you you and bring so many people happiness and is what you family and friends have fell in love with you being you. Now I don't want to tell you how to feel as I know that is a horrible feeling but I just want to say being different is what makes a person them self's and it is OK to want to be different to how you are but so many people love and care for you no matter how you are "normal" or not.

    Take care and hope you have a great day. 
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