Inappropriate work behaviour?

Former Member

So I still have to work even though it’s the apocalypse and all that, but unfortunately I have to work with my mum. We don’t get along. 

She seems to be constantly trying to waste my time by getting me to do all the jobs she doesn’t want to do herself. And when I explain that actually I’m busy and the boss has asked me to finish this and that she will say “you wouldn’t say you were busy if I was the boss” 

anyway, to get her to leave me alone I usually just do what she’s asked then get back to my actual responsibilities which I then don’t finish on time!!! I mean she wouldn’t try to force me if I was any other employee here! She just enjoys trying to have some kind of stupid power over me because she’s never had any during the rest of my life, I moved out at 17 and she openly admits she never spent any time with me as a kid. 

She also doesn’t call me by my name, in front of everyone she continues to say I’m her child. I applied and I passed the interview, I’m not working there because of her!! So constantly telling everyone that feels like a spit in the face of all my hard work. Also it means all the other people here treat me differently once they find out I’m her kid, they suddenly act like I can’t do anything unless they ask her first. We have the same qualifications!!!! And they always ask me where she is, like they will come find me to ask where she’s working!! It’s so bloody stupid! 

She’s so unprofessional! And when I try and tell her she’s inappropriate she will just says I’m being silly. I want to report her but she’s been there longer and I don’t want to cause a fuss. 

Next time she calls me by my old name I’m getting a deed poll and shoving it in her face. -_- she’s always telling me what i already know, like what my jobs are, even when I am clearing already doing them. She doesn’t do that to anyone else. Like thanks but I can read get on with your own work for once. 

I like my job, but I can’t stand working with her. I don’t usually have too but our responsibilities have changed because of covid 

Anyway, I have to work with her again this morning and I’m dreading it.  I have no idea what to do. 

JustV

So I still have to work even though it’s the apocalypse and all that

Big moood, @eyepatch.

Just to check I'm understanding this right: you and your mum have the same employer, but usually you don't have to physically work together in the same place. And now, because of lockdown, you're both working in close proximity? What do you for work (if you don't mind me asking)?

This sounds so frustrating, in any case. You should be allowed the basic freedoms and equality of treatment as anyone else in your workplace, and it sounds pretty unfun to be patronised in that way by your mum when you're trying to earn a living and be a functional working adult.

You might have already done this, but have you had a serious talk with her? Taking the time to set aside some time to sit down calmly and talk in a really focused way can make a big difference with these things. It's easy to get caught up in just making the odd passing comment or bringing things up in moments, when actually a dedicated sit down conversation can be a lot more productive. It can also help communciate the seriousness and weight of what you're feeling to her.

Failing that, how would you feel talking to your employer? Might seem extreme, but it's something you've every right to do and might be worth considering as a final ripcord to pull if things don't change.

Let us know how you're getting on - totally understandable frustrations to have. Think I'd have pulled my hair out by now in your position, so you're doing well to keep at it and keep working in spite of it.

Former Member

I run workshops for disabled people, right now because no one can come to the workshops we are making things like activity packs to sent to them. I’m not sure why we can’t work from home because most of it is on the computers, or why we haven’t been furloughed because it’s run by a charity and they are loosing loads of money now that there are no visitors or people coming to donate. But when I ask I’m always told to ask someone else and they say to ask someone else and so on.

I really don’t think I can’t talk to my mum about it, When I told her I had anxiety she started shouting about how it wasn’t her fault and why did I have to do this to her and why couldn’t I ‘just snap out of it’. She grew up with loads of siblings and is very competitive, if anyone ever compliments me at work she will find some way to make it about her. Another employee made a small comment and said I was ‘stronger that I looked’ and she started going on and on about how I was only like that because I was part of her family, She said ‘they’re only strong because I’m their mum’ It was really embarrassing how she went on for about 5mins about it. Now other employees don’t talk to me when she’s around because she does weird stuff like that whenever I’m doing a good job. 

We have nothing in common and I’m not close to her at all. She’s even bragged to people about how I’m the kid she’s spent the least time with. 

I took some time off work but can’t seem to focus because just thinking about it all makes me worry. I have been considering talking to my manager but my mum has been working there far longer than me, and I don’t have any evidence. 

Former Member

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in @Eyepatch, it sounds like it is really frustrating for you to work alongside your mum. 

Just to clarify, you've not talked to your mum about her behaviour in the world before, but you have talked about something else personal and she didn't respond well?

I can see why you wouldn't want to discuss something like this with your mum, especially with how she has reacted before.   From what I understand, from what you say it sounds like how she behaves is having an impact on your work and sometimes on how your other colleagues interact with you.

You mention that you are unsure about speaking to your manager because you haven't been working there for as long as your mum and you don't have any proof. What is your relationship with your manager like? Do they seem like the type of boss that would listen to your concerns?

Former Member

I’ve tried to talk to her but she has a way of pushing away a question and avoiding it. I asked if I could be on the work email list to get updates and she said “no it’s all junk and I can just ask her” I tried to explain that there could be a problem if something is emailed and I don’t find out about it, especially now with COVID updates from the head office each week. She just said it wouldn’t happen and if it did to deal with it then.

I just asked her manager to put me on the list instead, he instantly said yes. But I felt bad having to go round her back, I’d feel bad going around any colleges back like that. 

I haven’t spoken to anyone about her behaviour officially but sometimes I call her out on it in a casual setting. So if she calls me a kid in front of others I say, well actually that’s a little patronising because I’m not a child. Then she usually finds some excuse for saying it and we change topics. I’m worried people won’t want to talk to me if I keep doing it.  I just feel like it would seem petty if I bring it up officially 

It doesn’t help that I’m 10 years younger than everyone and I don’t look my age so everyone takes one glance at me and assumes I’m some Stereotype teenager. 

I like my job but covid and this is making me stress to the point where I want to hide in bed and never leave. My job is already completely different from before and seems to be really unpredictable. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I make or do, people still seem to think I’m not helping enough, yet I’m also not going to be sent home because there is work to do! And I have no one to talk to about any of it. 

I just want to cry and quit and become a potato. 

Former Member

Now she keeps telling people she’s proud of my ‘first job’ when I tell her it’s not my first job she says “it’s your first proper one” WTF does that even mean? My previous jobs were just fine, not the career I wanted long term but still a job. She’s not proud she just wants to seem like a good parent in-front of her friends.

Maybe if she actually took the time to get to know me she'd have something positive to say. Instead she forced me out at seventeen and now realises almost 6 years later that she knows absolutely nothing about my life. So she makes crap up instead. Ive told her its not my first job, but she still keeps telling people, I've told her its demeaning and by saying that she's calling all my other accomplishments meaningless. But she just won't shut up. Ive literally avoided talking to her as much as I can but she still finds me at work just to say some new stupid and ignorant crap. -_- 

Sorry for ranting, I just can't focus because that little voice goes "what's the point of trying to do anything - its not a 'proper job'"