Home Health & Wellbeing
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Unhappy

tkdogtkdog Posts: 111 The Mix convert
edited May 5 in Health & Wellbeing
Today not be so great really, in terms of it being super stressful.
I think I regret kinda taking off day almost. I did it cuz work has been stressful not cos im doing anything it is cos i aint and ive spent so much time just trying to install some stupid software. Sure it was exciting to see it finally working but it doesnt feel like i achieved anything much on top of that there were times i just sat there cuz put so much energy into getting something that should only take a few hours take maybe several weeks.

Bascially my dad has been shouting at me tons. I dunno why he says I didn't help because i opened the door when the delivery came. I didnt take the bags cus if i did he would complain cos he wants to leave them there a while before takin in but then he said i didnt help with that. Which is nonsense cus i was right there in the next room waiting and he could have asked and i would immediately help. Same with the cheese and the printer. I did try to shout downstairs about printer, but he didnt reply. He often tells me I get in the way anyway. He only went and complained to me later I didn't help. Then he makes me do stuff. And then he again complains because I'm waiting for instruction instead of taking intative. Yet usually if I try doing something and i dont do it how he likes he complains. But I did do stuff after that. Earlier in the day I even waited downstairs until he asked for help with a table, which i didnt help with only because he said he didnt need that help anymore.
Then later I was helping with computer issues for an hour even though I'd rather rest and I don't feel appreciated. By that time I'm getting very tired. I do play games inbetween but thats cos i wanna relax a bit, and after I do because I got super stressed and thats what would calm me down.

Then I go down to dinner reluctantly because I feel already unwell. I lay table out even though dun feel well but yeah its an easy task. Then afterwards i have to put stuff away. Which I help with while my mum and dad still sitting down. And I put some stuff away and throw some stuff away. But just cos apparently I left some sauce in the kitchen without putting it directly into cupboard my dad complains. Well I was doing things one at a time. And these were two types of sauce belonging to different places, they were together on the table so i just grabbed them quickly. But he said it wasn't orderly and just creating another job. Apparently I should have grabbed the cheese and the cold sauce together. But firstly im dizzing and not well, secondly I don't think it really matters does it? If the job is done. There is more than one way to do things and honestly not much slower. He said not much point i did anything in the first place, in which case I rather not help then.

I feel so low energy now and im stuck in my bed, don't feel good at all. I can't do the stuff I wanna do often and it's not just cuz lockdown yeah but everything feels much more intense.

So many times today literally just wanted to rip stuff apart. It's a fairly recent thing thats just gotten worse, only cuz all the stress. Yesterday my dad also complained a bit and stuff. And even though ive been helping with home deliveries and everything. A few times I tried to bend my phone and its worrying cuz my phone gave a warning message once the camera had temporarily stopped working, but seems fine now no damage.

A few years ago anger was an emotion i hardly ever experienced (Other than a little to some abusive housemates and the occasional fight)
A friend of mine might have added to the stress and maybe given me a little of anger that made things bad, though don't think been so bad really, and idk she was one of the reasons I kept going anyway.
Life feels like a prison and I don't like it. I don't always feel like I can meet my friends. 
It's hard cuz most my frens I met on internet and so trust issues so i have to make stuff up and it's super tiring. Tbh im not an angry person, but I have recently tried to defend myself more so that might be why, but i dont wanna pretend im dumb or something or get treated like shit. And yeah jus stressed. 
I often don't even feel safe to buy the stuff I like. money is money but i dont feel like I can use it, usually what i buy is stil guided by my parents way too much. Though i dont pay the bills so yeah, my dad did say i might have to or just pay for shopping and i paid one bill (dun mind so much) kinda reluctant tho still cuz i dun get to buy stuff i want and i rather move out but okay i might, if i should or need to but i still feel unhappy. I mean i was already planning to buy some amazon stuff yeah. But i havent even recieved birthday or christimas presents in ages (like literally barely anything at all at christmas or birthday not even much joke or smol gifts) so i dont really feel so happy about it. My birthday in lockdown i kept totally quiet about only reminded about it later on when my company set a gift (also just to help ppl in lockdown) quite late on but some ppl found out later. My dad said something he might get game for me, but idk if he will maybe not or maybe i should buy it, but i dont feel like it even though i feel id like it as a gift, i miss the outdoors also.

I still feel I will never be able to leave home and it just feels like constant crap. Well okay some good stuff too and maybe a lot, but i still just often feel shit ya know and I don't like it. When everything is bad it really does feel shit, and if my dad wasn't constantly complaining and planning, controlling the things I want I would feel a lot better. Sorry for spelling mistakes i dont feel like writing correctly atm just typed out what I wanted to say.
HowDoYouTalkAboutIt

Comments

  • MikeMike Unapologetic dork LondonPosts: 2,330 Staff Moderator
    edited May 8
    For what it's worth @tkdog, I can relate to a lot of this pretty hard from when I was still living with my immediate family. That thing of someone wanting you to help but then complaining when you don't do it 'their way' is infuriating! And it can all be made worse when you're at an age where you wanna do our own things and live your own life and just be free of the place and the people you've spent your life around. Obviously not to say you don't love them, but a lot of people find their relationship with their parents improves once they get their own space and more of their own life.

    I would also say that we're all allowed to be off our game right now. Everyone's dealing with a lot of background stress and anxiety and it feels like that's maybe pushing people to the edge more than usual, and that might to apply to both you and your dad right now. At the start of your post you mentioned feeling guilty about taking a day off and not getting much done, but honestly there's no standard for productivity or how we should spend our time right now. The rule book's out the window because nobody's dealt with this before, especially when you find being at home difficult anyway.

    But yeah, cut yourself a bit of slack and give yourself some credit where it's due. :) How did it feel to type this out and get these things off your chest? And how are things at home now?

    I still feel I will never be able to leave home and it just feels like constant crap

    What's making you think you'll never be able to leave home?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Avatar credit: Qostine
    tkdog
  • tkdogtkdog Posts: 111 The Mix convert
    Well i felt not guilty but more just sad that i couldn't rest more as thats what i wanted to do instead i got stressed over a printer and my dad being mean.
    I guess i got extra bank holiday.

    I was fine after for the past few days mostly cuz work... though friday was okay but then
    again my dad was mean to me again today two times already. One time i said just if we don't use bbq it would be a waste in reply to something he said and he took it offensively and said its my fault for being weak and weaker then most people even of the same sex.
    And then later accidentally the bbq table came down on my arm rightat the wrong place.
    It really hurt and i just said it hurt and he laughed at me and said it was a joke.
    I didn't say anything it being serious but it was really painful and my muscle hurts. Though what he said hurt me way more. I had to stand where i was cuz it was hard to carry while in that position and i was trying so hard to help and all i got is being mocked so i just gave up and left. My arm is very thin so it isnt that resistant and that im sure it will get better quick but that is no reason to be mean cos it really hurt more than falling on the ground cuz ache and like i was still trying to help even with the pain.

    In terms of moving out. I live and work in london its so expensive to live there and get somewhere so it's hard to have incentive to move out. My dad is also siper clingy. My dad keeps saying no point unless im going abroad to live but with corona and stuff might have a lastin effect on travel its hard to think. Plus only just started work. And my parents are already very old so i just have the feeling that if i even tried to move id be dragged back in quickly but idk. My dad keeps making it like i cant do well on my own when I know that while at uni i could fully well take care of myself even though i had some pretty bad days i was depressed it didnt help cuz a lot of that was due to the people around me making me unhappy more than anything though loneliness didnt help. And i dont have much ppl to help me move out and that or find a suitable location its hard when so many places and not sure what i want and then my dad always tries to interfere with my affairs. He said something that i could buy a house even if i got the money but i would not live in it? I dont see the point there.

    Yeah I think everything is more stressful with the lockdown idk but it wasn't like this before no this much conflict. Not sure if its because im tryin to hard to stand up for myself but i dont want to be bullied into things. And yeah i kinda wanna be more free and do more stuff without judgement and its hard. At least find a way to more stuff even if its without moving out for now. But i still wanna work towards it like in the short term and not leave in too far in the future but idk.
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 166 Super Moderator
    Hey @tkdog can say I completely relate to the frustrations with parents, and for me it's mostly come from living with eachother 24/7. I usually live in Bristol and work full-time there but since lockdown I've come back to be with my family. Things had generally been good but since the latest announcement by BoJo to say that basically nothing has changed it's safe to say that tensions have got higher in this household. 

    Something I have found that's helped me is exercise. This allows me to get out of the house, and it also means I am by myself - the only proper alone time I get in lockdown. Are you exercising at the moment or would you like to experiment with other types of workouts? Can give lots of different advice as I have mates that are super into their different workouts and have shared loads of links :) 

    In terms of planning for the future, and a future where you're living independently, is there a friend or close person you would like to live with in the future? Could you maybe start a conversation with them and tease the idea...? Or alternatively, could you perhaps start to plan a few holistays for July/August time, e.g. camping with a few friends? That would give you something to look forward to, and would be a break from the living situation. 

    Completely understand if none of these suggestions help but I hope things are as well as they can be right now. Shit is really weird and I think we're all starting to lose touch on reality but at least we've got a place to talk about all the topsy turviness on the Mix <3
    tkdog
  • tkdogtkdog Posts: 111 The Mix convert
    edited May 18
    I can't see myself ever camping with friends.
    It's stressful even thinking about it.
    The friends i do have i met from the internet (most of them are legit through a hobby though not a dating site or anything like that) and I always have to make up something to meet with them cuz i dont feel comfortable in sharing.
    If i did it would probably or id make something up maybe i could even tell some stuff but in the end thinking about that is just more stress on top of what i already have and I just want to leave really. My dad asks too many questions and since i hardly ever go out anyway he will ask more details.
    Last time I tried to visit someone I know first from internet (i met them b4 tho) and had to go a little distance at the last minute my dad asked for fb profile of the person i visiting.
    I already had this story in mind... so i gave an fb profile of someone else hoping i didnt get caught. That was a shock to me. Also i wanted to say even less cuz it was kinda semi sexual idk 

    Not sure id even enjoy camping but its sure hard to enjoy and go and plan anywhere like things are right now. 
    As with living with friends the same thing really the only ppl im remotely comfortable with are ppl i met online originally and idk i dun feel comfortable sharing stuff right? I dont wanna reveal stuff and i dont feel like i have to either. Not sure it would work anyway but also i have less chances to get to know and hang out ppl and go to random parties to begin with cuz i feel so uncomfortable in having to lie.i know maybe one person from uni still im in contact with regularly but most other people not really or at least we dont meet and idk i can try hang out with them but not sure about it so much. In that case i dont mind telling a bit about it..
    I can still talk about plans for the future with friends but i wouldnt feel comfortable moving forward. Tbh i jus want a friend or someone to come and help me out of this situation now cuz i dont know i dont like it. When i can start learning to drive again taht might help. I also want to deal with a medical issue however so far no doctors seem to help or want to listen and that puts me in a bad mood often and is quite disheartning whatever i say to them seems to get ignored. One time i went to a&e cos the problem got bad and the doctor told me i was watsing their time, and it was probably just mental since its not cancer its fine. Like i get they are busy but they could be nicer at least yikes. At the time i went to a&e i could hardly breathe and my gp told me that if things got worse please go to a&e and being treated like that makes me think id not want to go there ever again.

    I go out for walks but mainly just with family really.
    Sometimes its alright but really kinda eh sometimes and a few days really terrible like I said. I do get to do fun things and now u can travel more i guess thats good even though i never really get to choose where to go its just where my dad wants to go.
    I can mostly cope but often its no fun and i miss my freedom out in the city. Also my dad is being quite controlling of food because its hard to get the right stuff. And sometimes we get food boxes and im forced to eat what i dont want too much of just because no one else eats it whereas im not really allowed much or as much of the things i do want or i get told off? Or sometimes i get told offfor not eating something when im not aware its there like i dont understand. In the end its just food and its really frustrating things get blamed on me, when the responsibility isnt on me or not really much.
    But thanks for the advice just venting a bit because frustrate

    Also..
    I want someway of explaining that i dont feel good and want to move out not sure how and tbh i still feel to early cuz i want security in new job and learning to drive and hospital who have been blegh etc..

    I still want independence tho and i still want to draw like uh the line sometimes on what i have to tell. I should be allowed to do more stuff on my own but idk or should i just accept being stuck at home. Should i argue and say stuff not sure kinda scared.
    i did talk about moving but been told there is no point to it unless moving country.
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 166 Super Moderator
    Hey @tkdog

    How have the past few days been?? 

    There was a lot to digest in your last message. I'm glad you felt able to say all of that though because it does sound like there is a compounding of issues. When you read my response, I don't intend for this to sound like a lot of questions but I just want to make sure I respond to the main points of what you say, and I want to do it in quite a succinct way. 

    The hospital/a&e/gp situation sounds difficult. I have several friends who are junior doctors and they have all been saying it's really important for people still to speak to the doctor if they feel they have an issue. It sounds like you have an issue and I don't need to know what it is. But would you feel able to book a virtual appointment with your GP now? You can usually book them online in a few minutes :) 

    For the learning how to drive, how far along the process are you? If you haven't passed your theory yet then that's something that you could be working towards for when restrictions are loosened further..? 

    You mentioned that about the security of a new job, have you got something lined up already? Congrats if you have! If you haven't, have you started looking at different applications? 

    When I moved to Bristol I didn't know anybody, and I found my flat through Spare room.com (a really good platform for finding flatmates). Even if it isn't with any serious intentions, maybe just looking on spare room at what's available right now might help you gauge whether you want to be considering moving? There are listings posted literally just for weeks or months at a time, in whichever UK location you want, it's a super useful platform.

    Absolutely no stress if all of my suggestions are useless, but I'd rather offer them out into the Mix community than not :) hope you find them helpful in some form or another, and plz continue to use the Mix as a place where you can feel safe to talk about anything you want 🙏
  • tkdogtkdog Posts: 111 The Mix convert
    I mean it's been alright ish I guess.
    It's still stressful and I have had conflict again and a bit of arguing. Sometimes i think arguing would be the best way to get myself out the house idk though corona makes it the wrong time to do that while making the chances of conflict higher. 
    The hospital did decided to phone me up.
    But I still felt the person was a little dissmissive on the other side cuz kinda felt like they were already seeing me as having little issue. I don't like how when they don't clearly they attribute it to mental or sometimes just sometimes that needs a little physio when i think there is a genuine problem but well, i still need an actual checkup. The person on the phone said they have no idea when i will get the actual appointment. Its kinda annoying cuz its a such a long wait already like 6months and then i wait again and likely from what i have faced before they could easily just dismiss me again or just see that all i need is physio or something (as much as i like physio and its better then nothing maybe).
    If anything the stress off it gives me more mental issues :c i have genuine issues and just because i sound fine that doesn't mean i am when i struggle everyday, even while learning ways to cope better. I feel like its such a skill just trying to learn to talk to a doctor it kinda feels like they live in another world or something. Its not like my descriptive skills are that good either, and im not good at sounding like something is bad when it is. When my dad talks he makes it sound so and idk why they listen to him when they just ignore me. 

    A friend was being mean to me and got angry because i asked her what netflix show she was watching and she said i dont need to tell you. Which was kinda harsh. I ignored her fo a few days and i thought that would make things worse but it seems things are better. I was getting ready to cut them off tbh but i will see how things go.

    Im still no where near passing anything. Most of the lessons ive had were not close to each other and im going to have to start all over again cuz my dad said i should switch from learning manual to automatic. I feel like he is not giving me the chance and keeps saying i suck and said taht even before i started driving. And he wouldnt trust me to practice i  his car so i cant do anything atm

    Im not sure about looking at moving now cuz its a bit depressing and idk i have no ideas atm where or when especially with corona. Before i did look at a few magazines and online things but not sure. I dont know if i like the idea of living in a small flat or in the city tbh I find it hard to be in small spaces without much nature and too high up unless its near the sea or a hill or something or very open. Maybe in the long term id like to get a dog and have a backyard but not sure about that atm. It is quite sad with the family dog he is old and he hardly moves anymore and takes a lot of drugs. A person who i thought was a friend kept saying put him down which is mean (he said many many other horrible things like im priviledged and dont have many hobbies which i know at least the second to be false especially since a counsellor i had way back told me i had so many interests) but maybe since he put his own dog down. It isn't my choice to anyway as my mum wants to keep him going and he is still happy enough to live.
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