Death Anxiety and Existential Angst
For the past month I have been dealing with the fear of death. I’m not that scared of being dead, as I know that I won’t know I’m dead and it’ll be just like before I was born. What scares me is losing everything that matters to me, friends, family, knowledge, skills even something as novel enjoying food. Being powerless to do anything about it is very painful.
Death has made everything else in my life feel much less important, remembering there temporary status. As a result I pretty much only think about death if I don't have anything actively distracting me. I know that thinking about it won't do any good but I just can't just not think about.
Everyday is a struggle, I wake up with a bit of uncomfortable anxiety. This builds up throughout the day and at around 3 or 4 I can't handle the thoughts and anxiety and I breakdown and cry. After this my anxiety luckily goes down and at around 5 or 6 my dad stops working so I hang out with him and actually feel good for a bit, sometimes I might even be more accepting of death. I wish that the mood would continue to the next day but instead my anxiety returns in the morning and the cycle repeats.
Another related problem is understanding how long I have to live. Hearing older people say things like "I've been doing the same thing for the last 10 years" or "those 10 years felt like it happened a second ago" confuses and scares me being young like everyone else here 10 years ago was completely different from now. My lack of understanding makes me scared that my years will fly by and I'll be 80 in no time.
Thank you to anyone who read this, I appreciate it and I hope you get better if you dealing with your own problems. Thanks!