I Can't Cope Anymore With Everything

Dancer

Hi.

Before anyone gets concerned I am not suicidal or in crisis.

I feel scared about talking about how hard things are for me.

It feels like I am getting overwhelmed and losing my mind with all of the stress of everything that has changed so sudden. I really struggle with change especially when it is so sudden and drastic. My autism makes things really hard for me to cope with generally and it just feels even worse during this coronavirus outbreak. 🙁

I have still been going to school during the coronavirus outbreak because I am vulnerable and my mum is a key worker. At least there is some sense of "normality" still in my life but that is literally about all that is normal for me. Even the meetings for my volunteering have been moved to being online. And I am camera shy which will be an absolute bummer for me because the meeting is on camera! Maybe I will just hide my face and just type stuff in the chat part of it instead. If I can get away with that. 

Another thing that makes everything like a nightmare for me is the fact that I spend all day at school with my classmates. And I get bullied by them. Sometimes physically. Sometimes verbally. It feels so terrifying and overwhelming for me to be like this. I got bullied physically again recently (24th April) and it was terrifying and traumatic although I was not physically hurt. I will explain it in a comment.

Also, my teachers have been setting so much homework and it is so confusing and stressful. Especially in maths! No matter how much the teachers try to explain it or tell me to stay calm, I can't! I am losing my mind and feel ready to explode.

Things would definitely not be easier if I stay at home instead of going to school. It would mean that all routine is snatched away from me. And that is too hard for me to cope with. I do not want to be having any meltdowns. Feeling overwhelmed so constantly is bad enough right now.

I even wrote a one page monologue all about how social distancing and these changes are difficult for me. It was part of my drama homework but I highly doubt that the head of drama was looking for the sort of stuff that I have written about it. Even what the most dramatic girl in my year group wrote is basically completely lighthearted compared to how I am feeling. Everyone is struggling and I understand that.

Why do things have to be so hard? Is coronavirus real or is it a prank that has gone on for too long? 🙁

Sorry if I don't make any sense or if I am wasting your time. Thank you for reading this. Stay safe and well. Stay at home! Protect the NHS! Save lives!

Former Member

Hey there @Kasa2103 just to let you know I've moved your thread into the Health and Well-being section of the boards as it may be more fitted here, hope that's okay! Sometimes it can definitely be difficult to talk about how things are going, and feeling scared is understandable when opening up, but you have taken a really positive step to reach out here.  

I can hear that you are feeling overwhelmed with the changes and stress that are happening at the moment which is completely valid, its understandable that with autism these feelings may be increased making it harder for you to cope, which is a difficult thing to be experiencing I imagine. It sounds like as you have still being going to school it has been positive, as it provides you with some sense of normality, although you mentioned that it is the only thing that is normal at the moment so I can sense that it doesn't provide much comfort, is that right? 

You said about being camera shy which isn't good for you as your meetings for your volunteering have been moved online. You also mentioned that you are uncomfortable showing your face which is a really valid feeling, it's good to remember that a lot of people feel this way and it can take a bit of time to get used to online meetings etc. Would it be an option to have a chat with someone from your volunteering, and ask them if just typing in the meeting would be okay?

It sounds like a horrible position to be in, being at school with people who are bullying you so i'm really sorry to hear that. Your feelings of being overwhelmed and terrified are understandable. Have you been able to talk to any of your teachers about this? You deserve support and to feel safe in the school environment. 

I also imagine the pressure you are receiving from your teachers about your work won't be making things any better, have you tried any organisation techniques to try to help with this such as a timetable to make the tasks seem more manageable or asked your teachers for any extra time to complete the work? 

It sounds like your'e stuck between a rock and a hard place in the sense that not going to school would be beneficial to you but it could also leave you with no routine which is something you struggle with. You have done amazingly well to reach out and that shows a lot of strength so well done. 

If you need any extra support the following services in the spoiler below may be of some use! 

Kooth-  https://www.kooth.com/  They provide online support for young people, free counselling sessions and drop in sessions.

Childline- https://www.childline.org.uk/ They have a range of different services including a helpline, online chat and email service. Used to talk about anything that is troubling you. 

You are never wasting anyone's time Kasa, we are here to listen.