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social anxiety is getting worse and idk what to do?
Former Member
Posts: 1 Just got here
hi, i'm really new to this but i though i'd get some help w something that's been bothering me more recently. i'm moving schools in a few months and i'm literally terrified, which of course is normal but in the last year or so my social anxiety has gotten a lot worse. tbh, i haven't been diagnosed with anything bc i'm too scared to talk to my family and i don't want to put anything on my friends but since i moved schools two years ago i've been finding it so hard to communicate with anyone. I'd been at the same school all they way from age 3 to 12 and everyone knew me as confident, crazy and probs a bit annoying ngl but when i moved school i didn't know how to talk to anyone. i only made friends because i was assigned a girl to look after me and we hit it off but even up til now everyone knows me as the shy/quiet/boring person and quite a few people made comments like 'why don't you say something', 'oh she speaks', 'no point asking her'. 'great talking to you' or something like that which shouldn't really affect me but everytime someone said something like that i would have to ask to go to the toilet before i started having a full blown panic attack. obviously it's not just that, things like having to answer questions in any size class or having to get up in assembly or collect something from the teacher set me off bc in my head i feel like everyone is watching and judging me and pointing out all the things that i hate about myself. one time i almost started hyperventilating because someone laughed while i was talking to the teacher, even though the rational side of me knew it was nothing to do with me. not only this, but everytime i think of moving school i imagine myself there in the same situation that i have been for a while and i start just having a panic attack in my room from fear of ending up the same way as it's been for the last few years; hiding away from anything that might draw attention to me and hoping no one notices me. i know some people might think a fresh start would be good and it's just my attitude from starting a new school that was holding me down but i went to a music course about a year ago and it was like i didn't know how to talk. i literally couldn't speak to anyone it was like i was telling myself don't talk to them they won't like you and everyone will look at you or something dumb. and this is really pathetic but i literally just sat alone for the whole 5 days and every lunch time when some people would stay in i couldn't bring myself to talk to them and whenever someone laughed or made a loud noise i would go into panic and feel like they were making fun of me. I would really like some tips on how to cope with anxiety in a new setting and how to approach family members especially my mum as i feel like she would be more dismissive as she often needs a blatant and justified reason as to why i feel something, when often it's just my own mind that overthinks and creates worry/anxiety in my head. also if anyone else that sees this is experiencing/has experienced something similar, how do you cope because i honestly don't know how to change in time for september.
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Welcome to the Mix! It's positive to see how aware you are of your thoughts and emotions, and at how open you are on here
I have two main things to ask.
The first would be are you interested in joining any clubs at your new school? It's completely understandable to find it difficult to start a conversation sometimes - especially when there's not an obvious piece of common ground between you and the new person. But doing an activity, be that a sport, art, coding, cooking, writing, reading, or learning a language, can provide common ground and make starting a conversation slightly easier
The second, which follows on from the first, is that what sort of 'goal' are you setting for yourself at the moment for speaking to new people? Having in the back of your mind "I want this person to like me" or "I want this person to become my friend" is a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Sometimes it can be more effective instead simply to set the goal of "I want to talk to 1 new person this week", and then you gradually build up your goals week on week
On the topic of 'goal' setting, a guy who has experienced severe anxiety and bipolar disorder his whole life gave this TED talk on fear setting:
I think you might find it useful, and if you haven't come across TED talks before I highly recommend them!
In regards to your mum, do you think you're able to ask her about what advice she'd give for making new friends? Sounds like it might be more of a productive conversation if it's centred on a problem she can most definitely empathise with...
Anyway, hope this helps and I'm sure there'll be others who will have interesting perspectives as well
Again, welcome