I need a rant about home stuff 😢
I apologise in advance because this really is just a big rant.
So, I turn inwards and the progress on self harm Ive made has been wrecked. I havent even gone a day without cutting for a few weeks Its not her fault, but, what has she driven me to. Feeling so worthless that is my only option? Feeling so desperate and helpless and barely getting a few lucid points in the day where I am not plagued by voices or urges or fear. I prefer not being lucid right now. Its easier than feeling things. Thats how bad it is.
I’ve let her down. I love her anyway. its pathetic almost. Im like a puppy that cant get the message- it gets hurt over and over and over, yet still crawls back hopeful. Still gives love. Because my love is *unconditional*. Thats how family should be, right? Love shouldnt rely on a weight or an image or an action. Ive not *done* anything. Im vulnerable, so I let her hurt me again?
I’m struggling and trapped and scared. Please? Hug? Anything? Because now I’m just plagued by voices and everything and it’s bad bad bad and I’m crying and I can’t face dinner and I can’t be honest with the chaplain tomorrow because what if I am just too much?
Sorry- thanks for reading though 💜