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STD

looking for support on this situation.

At the start of the relationship, I always used condoms with this partner. I emphasised the importance of this. After one broke, I got tested. It was clean. We had not said exclusivity, however I assumed this based on the nature of our relationship. Therefore when we saw each other next I thought it was okay to not use condoms because the test had shown clean. I thought if it wasn't exclusive then, understanding what I had said about the importance of protection to me, then he would insist on the use of condoms. But he didn't.

Fast-forward 6 months and I am at the doctors for extreme pain. By this point we have agreed exclusivity. The doctor asks if I could have an std. I think about it and say no based on only having this one partner since being tested etc. So he does not do a test on me. I asked my ex, is there anyone chance I could have something to which he said no. Fast forward 3 months and the pain is continuing. A female doctor insists on doing the test and it comes back positive for chlamydia. Not only that but it had likely spread to pelvic inflammatory disease (an infection that can damage your fertility). So I had this for 9 months with out knowing. I also later had to go on 14 days of antibiotics for potential infection and the pain didn't stop until a few months later. It turns out he had had an unprotected one night stand during that time, and not mentioned this before we slept together. 

Does anyone have experience with a similar situation. The situation has badly affected my mental health 
Past UserAife

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,274 Master Poster
    Hi,

    I’m sorry to hear this happened to you, I think it’s hard when you think you trust someone and then when they do something like this it’s almost like they’re breaking that trust.

    I may have missed this in your post, but are you and this partner still together now? 

    I have no personal experience with this but it must be a horrible situation to be in.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Past User
  • mylittletonimylittletoni Posts: 9 Newbie
    Hey, thanks for the response. No, we tried to work out it but couldn't. I was hurt / insecure after this and it would come out in anger - and then my partner didn't want to continue the relationship anymore. I felt like he had responsibility to help me through the effects of this - physical and mental - but he doesnt want to / isn't capable... And I am now a bit lost in terms of looking for support 
  • mylittletonimylittletoni Posts: 9 Newbie
    Thanks v much :) 
  • Jade09Jade09 EnglandPosts: 633 Moderator
    Hey there @mylittletoni and welcome to the community, you have done really well to reach out here!  :)

    It sounds like you have had a tough time and i'm sorry that happened to you. Its completely understandable that this experience would have impacted your mental health. I imagine finding out what your partner did and how that then led you to go through some really difficult physical problems and illness could leave you with many different emotions.  <3

    You mentioned in your previous reply that you and your partner were unable to work it out after this event occurred, and that you felt insecure and hurt which is understandable. Sometimes feelings can lead to us acting out, like as you said anger. 

    It sounds like you felt let down about how he dealt with the situation/wasn't able to support you, is that correct? 

    In terms of support The mix is available to support you, we have a range of different services and you can find information on them here including a helpline, 1-2-1 chat, email service and a crisis messenger for times that feel really tough. Is there any support that you feel would benefit you the most?  :)

    Sometimes speaking to someone close to us can help, is there anyone you feel you are able to open up too about this and how it has made you feel?  :)
    mylittletoni
  • mylittletonimylittletoni Posts: 9 Newbie
    @Jade09 thank you for responding! Yes exactly - I do feel very let down by his response... I have spoken to friends about it but their response usually centres around criticising my ex (which doesn't really make me feel better) rather than being able to offer other types of support. Yes, I would be interested in these services - I will have a look, thanks :) 
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hey @mylittletoni

    I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this it sounds like a really painful experience, both physically and emotionally. It sounds like the worst thing is that he lied initially when you asked him if you could possibly have something so it's totally understandable that you felt angry.

    We do have some articles on The Mix about moving on from a cheating ex which might be useful for you, at least if it's just to help you understand that you're not on your own:
    https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/moving-on-from-a-cheating-partner-6707.html
    https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/i-was-cheated-on-4479.html
    mylittletoni
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