Ace!

Former Member

Hey everyone,
So, I have known for a few years that I identify as lesbian and since going to uni was really able to get involved with the LGBT+ community, even becoming one of the leaders on the LGBT+ society (something I never would have thought I could have done since my dad isn't exactly supportive so I am entirely closeted at home). 
However, recently, I have been thinking more about my sexuality and come out to some of my closest friends as asexual. I don't really know anyone else who is though, so would love to meet anyone who identifies as ace. I'm still wrapping my head around it a bit (its taking me some time to come to terms with I guess...) so would just like to chat and maybe get some advice from people who have been through the whole confusion of sexuality. 
Much love, 
AJ xx

Former Member

Hey Aj

I am not ace personally though I used to feel that way,  I do Identity as demisexual and have a couple of ace friends x

Former Member

Laine said:

Hey Aj

I am not ace personally though I used to feel that way,  I do Identity as demisexual and have a couple of ace friends x

Hey  
I have been also thinking I might identify more as demisexual, but don't really know. Just somewhere on the spectrum and going with ace for now... puzzling it all out! 
Nice to meet someone else though! x

Former Member

I'm questioning whether I'm ace and/or aromantic. I'm not sure yet so I'm afraid I don't have much advice to share, but you're definitely not alone in the confusion It's awesome that you're one of the leaders on the LGBT+ society! Would you like to talk more about what made you realise you're asexual (or demisexual) and how you feel about it?

Former Member

Kathleen07 said:

I'm questioning whether I'm ace and/or aromantic. I'm not sure yet so I'm afraid I don't have much advice to share, but you're definitely not alone in the confusion It's awesome that you're one of the leaders on the LGBT+ society! Would you like to talk more about what made you realise you're asexual (or demisexual) and how you feel about it?

Hey  
nice to meet someone else questioning and not feeling so alone! 

It’s good fun- I’m the disabilities officer. So give out a lot of advice but am not good at listening to my own haha. 

I had a girlfriend a few years ago (messy relationship- I was closeted, she wanted to tell everyone amongst others) and I was really uncomfortable with the notion of physical contact. I’ve always felt mildly uncomfortable, or at the very least disconnected, to anything sexual (beyond a simple kiss I guess). However, have (still do) experienced emotional and physical mistreatment at home so aware my aversion to physical stuff could also be fear from that. Don’t think I’m completely against it though, so feel like if I knew someone well enough I could enjoy it (hence the demisexual question). 

My family is quite homophobic (still closeted at home) so feeling a bit uncomfortable and mainly just confused. Plus can’t decide if it’s valid identity if it’s related to trauma stuff...? 

How about you? How did you start to question it? 

Aj xx

Former Member

It's nice to meet you too

I'm so sorry about the emotional and physical mistreatment you've faced at home. It must also be really hard having homophobic family. We're all here if you need to ever rant about it

I put the reasons I'm questioning in a spoiler, just because I don't want to hijack your thread with a longish explanation!

I think the reason I started questioning it is because I've never felt quite sure what romantic feelings are or what makes them different to platonic ones. I question why people find appeal in things like kissing or getting married. I don't fully understand why people typically only have one romantic partner either. There are things associated with romantic relationships that I do see the appeal in, such as lots of cuddling, and I experience things with people that I see others reporting having with crushes such as your heart beating faster when you're near a particular person (although I only feel things like that in a mild way). But, I have trouble understanding why that's something different from a friendship or if it even is different.

I'm not sure if I'd find my feelings were romantic or sexual if I started getting closer to them or tried a relationship out. I haven't really mixed with a lot of people or had closer friendships, so I'm wondering if I'd just only experience proper romantic or sexual feelings upon knowing the person more instead of having a crush at first sight, or if I'm just lacking something in the romance and attraction area.

I totally get you and understand your confusion. There's no rush to figure it out and I think if it's the way you feel, it's a very valid identity, even if it's related to trauma or your feelings change at any point

Former Member

Hey again @Past User
Bless, thanks! I am sure you will see a lot of rants around about home stuff (in fact I am probably going to post one soon). The homophobia is a bit sad, but just means I am still closeted- I have friends who are basically family in supporting me on the LGBT side so at least don't feel upset I can't tell them.
Ooh.. didn't know how to do a spoiler lol! Thanks for sharing though- that makes a lot of sense and I really relate to a lot of that, like I know what I 'should' feel, but don't necessarily. I get quite confused about whether things like wanting to kiss someone or cuddle etc are then mutually exclusive to being ace. And like, I have crushes (as my sister would tell you!) 
Thanks ) Take care xxx

Former Member

Thank you! It's really nice chatting to someone who understands Feel most welcome to rant as much as you need and I'm glad you have such good friends, I'll see you around x

Former Member

@Past User Wondering how old you are, if you don't mind me asking? Just curious- I realised I was gay when I was about 14, but only as I've got older have I started to question the ace/demisexual question. x

Former Member

I'm 15. I've been unsure of my sexuality since I was a preteen, but it's only been starting to bug me since around last year, when I was 14. How old are you now? x

Former Member

I’m 18 (almost 19). I was about your age when I realised I wasn’t straight, but only since going to uni have I questioned whether I’m ace or not (other than briefly when I was 16 and had a girlfriend) x