anxiety about the past- I am frightened he will leave me and i love him so much :'(

MathLily

Dear the Mix,

It is Lily again and I hope you are all well. I have just been feeling really down and had flashbacks to my past again and still yet to wait for my therpaist to help me but she is not available till tuesday and i have this worry which is stopping me from eating, causing me to have panic attacks and I feel really frightened and sad. Please please can someone help me, i am struggling to cope

My previous discussion was me opening up about the man who treated me badly, i am getting better from that as i have started therapy but I keep having a horrible thought about something and my boyfriend leaving me and had a nightmare of it last night I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we have a bright future together and want to get married some day. But just before christmas, the man contacted my facebook and I had a panic attack and i wanted to tell him to leave me alone but didn't want to be unkind and he asked me if he could come over and I said no. I did something so silly and I sent hima  picture of me as he asked for on and he sent me all of these compliments and apologised for the way he treated me and i was so scared ( i knew i should have blocked him but i was in a really bad frame of mind and did not know what to do and just felt frightened so i was being kind). He then sent me an immature video and i blocked him and had a panic attack and told my boyfrriend he tried to contact me and i had a panic attack and my boyfriend calmed me and held me in his arms. I was not flirting with this man as i only and always will love my boyfriend but this man contacted me and it felt like i was back in the autumn summer again and he was trapping me and i felt i had to obey him i did not tell my boyfriend what he said to me and how i sent him a picture as i was worried my boyfriend may accuse me of flirting with this man or encouraging him, even though i told my friend pheobe about this and she told me it wasn't my fault because he was taking advanmtage of my anxiety and she said i am a lovely person and was only trying to beb kind and politely tell him to leave me alone. I just like to be kind to others no matter how badly i am treated by them as i believe kidness is a great companion of mine so i agree with her! The mix- I am so sorry this sounds so horrible and i was in such a bad frame of mind. Today i unblocked the man on messenger  because i am frightened he may pop up again and wanted to tell him to leave me alone and never ever contact me again as i was worried that blocking him may not be enough- but the issue is i am too frightened to tell him to leave me alone forever. Can i ask if i keep him blocked will he get the message? I don't want him popping up and ruining my relationship with my boyfriend as i am frightened what horrible things he may say

HowDoYouTalkAboutIt

Hi lily I'm sorry you feel this way. It sounds like you and your boyfriend love each other very much and I wish the best for you both. You are worried about this person getting between you and your boyfriend and saying horrible things but from the sound of your relationship it won't get between you and your boyfriend so I hope this can be some comfort towards that.

If you want to message him to leave you alone I would recommend unblocking him temporarily to send the message to leave you alone then to reblock him once it is sent that way he will can't the message and can't contact you again. 

I hope this can be of some help and I hope you the best and hope things get better for you. 

MathLily

Dear Howdoyoutalkaboutit,

Thank you so much for being there for me<3 I really appreicate youur support- I am going to send that man a message now to leave me alone and never contact me in any way again and you have given me the courage to do so.

Your information has made me feel reassured that it wont affect anything! I have messaged this man to leave me alonbe and never contact me in any way again and reblocked his messages as unfortunately on facebook i need to wait 48 hours to block him again but at least he cannot contact me and i have reinforced the message!

I now feel relieved and that I am not alone. I love you

Siena

Hey Lily,
nice to see you back here! You havent done anything wrong, so for him to affect your relationship with your boyfriend would be very unlikely as its him thats in the wrong. 

It is really easy to start being kind and going along with whatever this man was texting you. In the mindset they can act kind and apolgise but its really controling and manipluative so not your fault. When looking back at these things we may think "oh maybe i shoudnt of sent that" but you did it in the moment and your friend is right he took advangte of you. I think more advatage of your kindness more than anything. 

It is really reassuring to hear you have taken back control and blocked him. Has it worked now? Sometimes its not even that easy as it sounds do eve with people who arent very nice. So well done for doing that  
take care!