My Dream?

gorilaz

 Hey so for obvious reasons I've had quite a lot of alone time recently and it has made me really consider something that I wouldn't usually - my 'dreams'. 

If you ask practically anyone older than you for advice for the future the most common reply is 'just follow your dreams'. As romantic as this prospect is, I find being told this kind of patronising as I don't have a dream. 

Of course, I have some vague ambitions like going to uni and starting a family, but I wouldn't class these as my dream. I'm quite a logical and unimaginative person so I find it hard to even consider aiming for something that is very unrealistic.

Lots of people have dreams to be a singer or a doctor and they say it with such certainty as though they have never considered any other paths in life, perhaps because they have a natural passion or talent. But for me the problem is I am pretty mediocre in all fields; I'm not really terrible at anything but there is nothing that I am particularly good at. I am afraid that if I keep going like this I will miss opportunities to gain expertise in a field that I am genuinely interested in so I want to decide as soon as possible. For example, they say to be a great dancer it helps to start young

So that brings me to why I'm writing this. There must be loads of people who feel like me; people who were or still are unable to find their calling in life. So I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice on realising your dream? Or share a story of how you knew you found what you want to aim for in life?

thanks ! x

Mike

Aidan said:

I think it's important to find something you're interested in, and to start to get an interest in something you need an exposure to it that has a really positive impact on you.

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Might help to check out lots of potential interests you think you might be interested in, and try and get into them in a way that's engaging and accessible to you.

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So just as an example here maybe, say you wanted to see if you could get more interested in cooking. You could read some cooking books, watch a cooking show, or actually cook something- depending on which way of testing something out is more fun to you.

I really agree with what @Aidan is saying here @gorilaz. Interesting people are getting a bit existential at the moment as well!

Something I'd say is that I guess dreams come more from what you enjoy. You say you're mediocre at everything, but really people are only good at things with practice and learning. People like to say that singers are 'born with good voices' and things but if you actually ask singers how they got so good they'll tell you they practiced, and they practiced because they love singing.

I feel like the skill starts with interest, and then you become really good at it. If you find something you can really enjoy - enjoy enough to practice and have fun - not much is standing between you and acheiving a 'dream' of doing that thing for a day job.

I didn't even realise this job existed until I started volunteering, so I reckon it also helps to broaden your horizons and see if you uncover any gems you hadn't considered before.

I'm quite a logical and unimaginative person so I find it hard to even consider aiming for something that is very unrealistic.

I totally hear this though, and I can relate. I never really had 'dreams' as long as I've been old enough to think critically and reasonably. I've just taken things a day at a time and considered my options rather than finding some distant goal to work towards over years. But that's just me.

One final thought - some of the most interesting people I've ever met still don't really know what they want to do with their lives. It's okay to find your calling later in life. You're not against a clock.

What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any special interests?

coc0mac

Hi @gorilaz

I think this is a great thread idea, because whilst we are here to support you I think it will also help a lot of other people in your position. So thank you for making this

Firstly, I think the most important thing to remember is, as @Mike said, you're not against a clock. There is no rush to figure out your calling - lots of people go through various different routes/careers until they find what is for them and that's absolutely okay

We are actually doing a module at university right now where we have to make a reflective portfolio about our calling, including what we have done to help us get towards it and our next steps to achieve it. And like you, I started off by feeling really quite overwhelmed as honestly I don't know what my calling is. But the way that I approached it is by looking more at the general skills that I think I have (and it's okay if you think your skills are mediocre at the moment as there is always time to grow), things that I feel fulfilled from and also just had a think about general comments that people have made about me. For example, I've had a few friends say that I'm good at giving advice. I feel fulfilled from helping out on the boards here and at my other volunteer well-being based roles, and I think a skill of mine is empathy which is often required for advice based roles. So I'm exploring supporting people with their psychological wellbeing/mental health as a very broad 'calling' - starting with a big broad space which I hope throughout the years I can explore in more depth to find what my calling actually is. 

So I'm wondering if that might be a useful task for you as well, taking the pressure away from figuring out your calling and just looking very very broadly at your likes and dislikes and going from there? 

I really hope this helps. Best of luck and we are always here to chat through any thoughts or ideas that you may have!