Closeted transgender and depressed

Former Member

Hello there, I'm not sure if this is the right place but I think it is and I just need a little e advice.

I'm Gravity and I'm 14 right now. I think I need a little bit of help to deal with my situation right now. I was born male but I think I am coming to the realisation that I am transgender. The problem with this is my parents are to say the least Conservative and aren't the friendliest to the LGBTQ community. They're always talking about some homophobic stuff and I doubt they even know what transgender means.

So not the best situation😅 I talked to a different group online before and they helped me come to the realisation that I was trans and that I am depressed. I'm not going to get into the depression thing right now but it's not very nice coupled with gender dysphoria.

At the moment it's not an option to come out since I would be afraid I could get kicked out of the house and I'm afraid how I would tell my parents I was depressed and want to see a therapist without giving them a reason.
The only solution I could come up with was to wait until I could move out at 18 but that's 4 years of untreated depression and living a lie as a male. 

If anyone has any ideas on how I could improve my situation please reply

Former Member

Oh wait why is it tagged as coronavirus I'm very sorry if anyone is confused 

Former Member

Hi @Past User

Welcome to the boards! And thank you for sharing this with us - it sounds like you are dealing with a tricky situation at the moment so I am pleased you opened up. We are here for you

Firstly, I just wanted to assure you that this is a safe space where you can always be exactly who you want to be. I think that's all anybody ever deserves - you should be loved, supported and accepted for who you are, always. I am sorry to hear your parents opinions make this difficult for you, but I really hope that one day their thoughts may be turned around and you can feel totally comfortable in who you are. Big hugs to you

In terms of solutions, I think we should break this down a little - sometimes that makes it easier to work things through. I'm going to start by briefly recognising your mention of depression, as you say you don't want to get into that right now, and that's okay. All I wanted to say on this is if you ever want to speak about that a little bit more with us, we are right here to support you. Additionally, you say you are afraid of telling your parents you want to see a therapist for depression without giving a reason. I'm wondering if in the meantime you could speak to a counsellor though The Mix - you can sign up to have four or eight counselling sessions here and can choose from webchat or telephone counselling. That might be one idea to get you some support for now, and it means you can do it from your home home so they wouldn't have to know 

The next thing you mentioned was your parents not being very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community and you doubt they know what transgender means. I think one thing to remember is that there is always hope for peoples opinions to change - so do hold onto that One thing I might suggest is initiating conversations about it, either the LGBTQ+ community in general or people being transgender, whenever it is referenced in television. You could express your support for it/your understanding, and if they oppose it you could have a discussion about the reasons they should perhaps open their mind. The more it becomes a casual discussion, the easier it may become in the future to have a talk about how you personally feel. And when it does come to that (which there's no rush for...just whenever you feel totally comfortable and ready ) there are many resources online that you could use to support you in your explanation and helping them to understand. But of course, we could help you with finding those nearer to the time, there's really no rush

And then finally, you mentioned coping with gender dysphoria and living a lie as a male. I really hope you can be who you want to be way before you are eighteen, and so one thing that I might suggest is asking for some experiences either here or on Childline's message boards that are dedicated to gender and sexuality. The reason I am referring you to Childline is because I know they have a sub-section dedicated to gender identity with quite frequent discussion about being transgender and coming out. Here you could speak to young people in your situation, work together to figure out a solution, and also read some positive stories about other people coming out and being okay

And also, if you ever would like to talk more about your feelings in general with us and how things are for you, we will always be here. Sorry that my reply is so long also, I just wanted to make sure I was covering all bases

Take good care