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Traumatic Smear

ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Posts: 186 Helping Hand
Hi...

so I had my first smear yesterday. Well I say my first one... it was my first successful one. I’ve had four so far and 3 of them were failed and involved a lot of pain and crying and panic. 

This first successful one was performed under general anaesthetic. Ever since it happened I just don’t feel right. I feel groggy and confused. I feel all my old traumas resurfacing and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s making me just want to hurt myself really badly because the pain is too much. 

I’m worried that when the results come back they’ll say the sample was insufficient which means I’d have to go through the process all over again or that there’s something wrong. 

I know you’re meant to have no memory of “surgery” when you’re under a GA but that thought is even more terrifying to me. I just can’t let anyone in and I’m just scared of everything in general. 

Nothing feels safe anymore. 

I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Comments

  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Hey @ShatteredSecrets im sorry you went through this :( it's great you finally managed to get it done though.
    it's normal to feel groggy after general anaesthetic, if this doesn't go away in a few days could you maybe speak to your GP/nurse?
    do you have a support system in place to help you with the trauma's resurfacing?
    I know I felt the same after my smear so you're not alone, the most important thing is to talk about it! it just gets worse if you bottle it up so well done on reaching out here for support.
    do you have any grounding techniques you can use when things become overwhelming?

    it's normal to be scared after GA, but try not let the thoughts about it take over again, you are stronger than them,, even if it feels you're not. we all believe you can beat this.
    as for worrying about if the test was insufficient, have you heard back yet? anxiety makes us jump to the worse case scenario, but trust they know how to do their jobs, im sure it will be fine :)<3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Hey. 
    That sounds really horrible and understandable you felt that way. Hopefully that feeling goes away soon. How are you feeling not since you have posted? 

    Well done for trying again after the others have failed. Its not easy to go back to something you hated the first time and shows real strength 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    Hey @ShatteredSecrets :)

    I'm so sorry you experienced this - it sounds as though you've been really brave to keep trying after the 3 previous tests went wrong. How are you feeling now you've had a little time to recuperate? 
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