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Does this guy still like me?

I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine.

This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?
We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?

Comments

  • RileyRiley Posts: 711 Super Moderator
    Hmm that seems like a complicated situation to be in @Mia8xxx I can understand why you'd want some advice from people here on the boards. I personally think exes can be friends if the break-up wasn't too upsetting, I myself am friends with a couple of exes even from a few years ago.

    However not everyone feels this way and if it makes you feel confused to try and spend time with him then it might be best for you to call off your catch up. I guess it also depends on how his current girlfriend feels about the situation, if she's not happy with it then it's a definite no! I hope you're able to come up with a decision and the whole situation isn't too upsetting for you. <3
    Mia8xxx
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hi @Mia8xxx

    This sounds really tricky but I do agree with @Riley with this

    Have you spoken to him about your concerns and how you feel?
  • mags98mags98 Posts: 287 Moderator
    Hi @Mia8xxx

    Definitely a tricky situation. I haven't been in a situation like this before but maybe he might want closure. I don't know the full situation so I don't want to start assuming but maybe depending on the type of break up you guys had he might have some things that he had left unsaid or has questions. I think the fact he said he wants to check with his girlfriend could mean that his intentions aren't bad ones, but once again I don't want to assume. 

    How would you feel seeing him again?
  • Mia8xxxMia8xxx Posts: 5 Newbie
    Han93 said:
    Hi @Mia8xxx

    This sounds really tricky but I do agree with @Riley with this

    Have you spoken to him about your concerns and how you feel?
    Thank you for your response Han93.
    No I have left it for now. I want further clarity on the situation before I make my next move. 
    Obviously I do not want to get entangled in a love triangle! 
    Some guys I have asked have said that he is still interested as they say the vast majority of guys are not interested in girls they used to date in a platonic way-do you think this is a likelihood?
  • Mia8xxxMia8xxx Posts: 5 Newbie
    mags98 said:
    Hi @Mia8xxx

    Definitely a tricky situation. I haven't been in a situation like this before but maybe he might want closure. I don't know the full situation so I don't want to start assuming but maybe depending on the type of break up you guys had he might have some things that he had left unsaid or has questions. I think the fact he said he wants to check with his girlfriend could mean that his intentions aren't bad ones, but once again I don't want to assume. 

    How would you feel seeing him again?
    Thanks for your opinion Mags98.
    What concerns me is that maybe he is just pretending that he will ask her for permission as I think that most women would not be happy about their boyfriend meeting their ex in any capacity and he knows that. 
    It didn't end on a bad note just a frustrated note as we were both struggling with the distance especially with his work schedule (he is a police officer) but we did really like each other. 
    I would like to see him again whether as a friend or more but I would never take things further whilst he is still with his girlfriend. 
    Any more thoughts? 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 889 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @Mia8xxx

    You’re right to ask the question here I think, I agree it seems odd he so enthusiastically wants to see you if you were never actually friends before and were seeing each other romantically. Sounds like you’ll do what’s best either way. Maybe if you’re ok with being just friends he will be too? Are you interested in just having a friendship with him, like would you have still reached out if you knew he had a girlfriend? Maybe thinking about that will help you decide 💜

    Let us know how you get on

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Mia8xxxMia8xxx Posts: 5 Newbie
    Lucy307 said:
    Hey @Mia8xxx

    You’re right to ask the question here I think, I agree it seems odd he so enthusiastically wants to see you if you were never actually friends before and were seeing each other romantically. Sounds like you’ll do what’s best either way. Maybe if you’re ok with being just friends he will be too? Are you interested in just having a friendship with him, like would you have still reached out if you knew he had a girlfriend? Maybe thinking about that will help you decide 💜

    Let us know how you get on

    - Lucy
    Hi Lucy.
    Thanks for taking the time to respond-you are very wise!
    I initially was reaching out with the hope that we could pick up where we left but given the circumstances I would accept him just as a friend now (as I would like to keep such a cool guy in my life) but i would obviously never intervene in his romantic relationship.
    Can I ask what you think his intention is with me?
    Thanks x
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 889 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @Mia8xxx that's what we're here for :)

    Good for you, I think if you're happy being mates then I'd try that! It's difficult to try and predict his intentions but if he does what he says and checks with his girlfriend first then surely it's just friendship he wants... I'd still be a bit suspicious of it though!

    I'd just straight out ask him if I were you, if you feel comfortable doing so. Saves any awkwardness then before you do meet!

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Mia8xxxMia8xxx Posts: 5 Newbie
    Cheers Lucy for your insight again. 
    I think I will meet with him initially to ascertain what his motivation is and if we can stay friends then that would be a good outcome. If he wants to progress things then I would not allow that until he had severed ties with his girlfriend. 
    I understand what you think about it still being a bit suspicious and the giveaway for me was that he would ask his girlfriend which I don't think most rational men would do because they know it would upset their girlfriend. I feel like maybe that was a bluff. 
    On balance knowing everything, what would you bet on his intentions being?
    Sorry if I am repeating myself-I just want some clarity on this situation! 
    Thanks for your advice so far and I hope you are keeping safe in these strange times! 
    Laura  :)
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