trigger warning- eating/exercise

itsquietuptown

everything has been quite tough recently, school is really stressful with exams coming up and everything. i’ve been struggling a lot in many different ways, but particularly because everything is so hard and feels out of control i’ve been focusing a lot on what i’m eating trying to control/restrict it and doing exercise to burn off the food i eat. i’m naturally skinny and my school counsellor and nurses have been worried that if i slip into bad eating habits i could easily get very bad very quickly. i have an apple watch and it shows me how much exercise i do and calories i burn, but i also have sharing with my boyfriend and a couple of other people and i really struggle with comparing what i’m doing to them and competing to do the most and eat the least. rationally i know that there’s no way i can get better while doing this but i just can’t stop myself. i feel so broken but i don’t know what i’d be without these habits. i don’t know what to do and i’m scared to tell my counsellor how bad it is because a while ago she said if i got really bad i might have to go off school. i just feel so stuck in my bad habits and unable to let them go. i hate myself for competing with my boyfriend. i’m so scared of my brain and how broken it is

Former Member

Hi @itsquietuptown

It seems like you have quite a lot going on at the moment so I am pleased you decided to share it with us here. We are all here for you, you do not have to go through this alone

It sounds like you are focusing quite a bit on your eating at the moment and you say you are struggling with comparing yourself to your boyfriend and the other people whose data you can share on the Apple Watch. Firstly, it's positive that you have been able to recognise that you think you're competing and that you feel this way. This is often one of the most difficult things to do, so this is a great step towards getting the support you deserve. I am wondering how you think things would be if you stopped using this feature of the Apple Watch? I understand this wouldn't be easy to do at first, baby steps is okay...but I am just wondering how you think this would be?

You mentioned you are scared to tell your counsellor because they said if things get really bad you may have to go off school. I think it's perfectly okay to share this worry with your counsellor, exactly as you have explained here. By explaining you are worried they will take you off school, you may be able to work together to find the best coping strategies that can help you to feel better and that will mean you're okay to stay in school. How does that sound? 

Coping with difficult feelings and thoughts in our mind can feel really scary, but it is not forever. You are doing all the right things by talking to us, talking to your counsellor and seeking support - and I really believe that no matter how difficult or scary times may feel, thing do get better. You've got this

Take good care and always remember we are here if you need us x