Need advice & support

Former Member

i have recently (well 6 months ago) come out of a relationship with a long term boyfriend,, in the last few weeks I have found myself considering things that happened within the relationship and starting to think he was sexually abusive. However, I doubt myself because I didn’t notice it at the time. What I want to ask is, is it normal for me to only realise it after no longer speaking with him or am I overthinking it? It’s caused me a lot of internal conflict lately and wonder if anyone else has been through something similar. Thanks 

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I may not completely understand how you feel but I can relate to some of the emotions you may be feeling. My past relationships left me doubting myself as I didn't think they were 'healthy'.

Relationships can sometimes be difficult to understand from the inside. Sometimes a third-person perspective can show you things that you may not have noticed before. It is completely normal to view the relationship differently now that you are not longer with your ex partner. 

However, you mentioned how the relationship may have been sexually abuse. 
I hope you are okay? I hope you have someone to talk to, if need be.

I hope this helped.

Tee A

Former Member

Hey

I haven't personally gone through that sort of thing but thought I'd drop by anyway. I'd say it's normal to only realise after you're no longer speaking with him. It's sometimes a lot easier to notice things upon reflecting rather than while it's taking place. Do you want to talk a bit more about the things that happened in the relationship? That's just an offer so obviously only do so if you're comfortable. You're not overthinking it in either case because your experience is valid, and you know how you feel best

Former Member

There there was just a lot of pressure within the relationship to do things I made very clear I did not want to do. At the time I felt like I was doing it because I loved him but now I’m starting to see that he was taking advantage of that. Thank you for the support 

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I totally agree with @Past User in that sometimes it's easier to notice things when reflecting rather than while its taking place. Whether you notice it at the time or later doesn't change how important it is - your feelings and well-being are super important and it's important to seek support if you feel it's needed

Being pressured into doing things you don't want to do isn't fair, you have a right to have your feelings respected always. You are doing really well by speaking about it here and I am just wondering if you would feel comfortable speaking about this with anybody else too - perhaps a trusted family member? 

There's a good article on the Childline website about healthy vs unhealthy relationships, which mentions being pressured into things you don't want to do. Perhaps reading through that will help you to better understand what was happening and what you can do now. 

I think you've been really brave to speak up about your experience and I really hope you are okay Remember we are always here to listen and support you x