Not safe

Former Member

I can’t type my thoughts out here, they’re too much for reading let alone to feel them. that’s too much.
I’ve been judged my whole life, the thing is as I staggered around on the streets with whisky/vodka whatever I had (it was given) and as people looked, watched on and condemned, not one person asked why? How does a baby grow to this innocent infant to that person (me). 

What he did to me grown ups did, what my body experienced whilst he did those things to me grown ups did, I was never a child at all from that point.
It would have taken one person on the outside to look in to see. 

Even when I found my voice, the words to say it abuse/rape it stayed invisible, a secret. That’s why it’s this bad thing. That’s just sex and everything else is dirty and bad. 

I guess it didn’t matter. The damage was already done. 

Is he dirty, bad all of the things that I am? Will he wake up out of breath scared, feeling pains that he’d hurt me years ago time after time? 

Would he even care? Like others? 

This world is a really unsafe place 
too unsafe for me

Former Member

Hope you're okay Natalie, I can hear you're struggling, please don't give up, what they did wasn't right but the biggest fuck you we can give them is to just live. Yes it's hard, they may have gotten away without those nightmares and flashbacks, but they have to live with what they done. Sorry I can't offer much advice, just know you are stronger than whatever they done to you, you can overcome this ❤️

Former Member

I'm so so sorry you experienced this @NatalieMT  

It sounds as though you're really struggling at the moment. What was done to you was awful and sick but you are not what was done to you. Sharing your fears like this is incredibly brave; you are such a strong person for doing it. 

This world is a really unsafe place 
too unsafe for me

Do you feel safe right now? If it gets to be too much or you feel unsafe, you could try contacting Samaritans on 116 123 or text The Mix Crisis Messenger on 85258. 

You have so much support here, and we're all behind you. Stay strong, Natalie

Former Member

Hey @NatalieMT

Just echoing what @Past User said you are so strong, and we are all looking out for you. You've done really well to open up here despite it sounding really tough to do so, so well done. 

Have you talked to anyone else about how you are feeling at the moment? Have you got any support available to you? 

Please make use of the crisis resources mentioned if needed, and definitely let us know how you are doing! 

Former Member

Hey Natalie,

Sending you hugs and letting you know that we are here for you

Just wanted to echo what has already been said, and wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

Former Member

@Stephanie

This is late but are you around now? 

Former Member

Hey Natalie, haven't seen you around for a while so wanted to check in.
How have you been doing?
I'll be around if you need a chat!