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uni/the future/general mh

for quite a while i wasn’t planning on going to uni bc school has been really tough on my mental health and i thought it might be better for me not to go. then my boyfriend looked at royal holloway and said it was really nice and we started talking about if we went to uni together and i started looking into different places. i did my ucas application in year 12 for french and italian and i got all of my offers: three AAB, ABB from royal holloway (the one i want to go to most) and one BBB. i felt like this was fairly achievable, and i also have something on my application written by my school saying that i’ve struggled with my mental health for a long time and basically making unis aware that it might affect my exam grades and that i’d need support at whichever uni i went to. we’ve just done our mock a levels, and i got ADD with the A in french. i’m struggling not to be really disappointed in myself and it’s brought my mood down a lot because it feels like i’ll never be good enough. i have been struggling with my mental health a lot again recently, particularly during mocks so maybe it’s a reflection of that. i’m finding it hard because my boyfriend got A*AB in his mocks and his offer from royal holloway is also ABB so he’s probably going to be able to get there, and he’s also starting to arrange work experience for his gap year (we’re both taking one) and i just feel so far behind like i’ll never catch up. i’ve always found it really difficult to picture the future, or even imagine that i have one, and at the moment it just feels like after school finishes there’s a black hole that is the future that i have to jump into and find my way, and this has been making me feel extremely anxious. i’m very young in my school year, and i just feel like i’m a child and everyone else is growing up and i’m going to get left behind. my boyfriend is really supportive and i’ve talked (and cried) to him about all these feelings and he said some helpful things and that he’ll always be with me to help me along, but i’m worried that if i don’t start to be even just a bit more independent that i’ll always be clingy and anxious and not be able to do anything on my own and end up stuck at home terrified of everything. i’m trying to just take things one day at a time, but it’s really hard when teachers keep talking about our futures and everyone around me is getting excited and planning all the fun things they want to do that i just feel completely incapable of even thinking about. i also recently had my camhs referral accepted, so i’m on the waiting list for an appointment but it could be a while before i get one. i’m scared i won’t get an appointment before i turn 18. i’m scared they’ll tell me there’s nothing wrong with me and i’m being a baby and need to suck it up and grow up. i’m scared they’ll tell my there are multiple specific things wrong with me and that maybe i won’t get better. i really need more professional support though. i just feel very stuck but also lost. i don’t know who i am and i don’t know how to cope with my massive fear of the unknown and the future 


  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @itsquietuptown

    Sorry to hear that school has been tough on your mental health but it’s great you’ve been looking at your options for uni if you choose to go. I totally understand your disappointment and frustration in your grades. I was aiming for ABB and ended up getting ADE in my AS levels which was a shock. It doesn’t mean you are far behind it just means the exams at that particular time were not kind to you / it wasn’t your day. Exams sometimes aren’t a reflection of how much we actually know...! I ended up resitting, working really hard and getting AAB due to the shock I experienced not getting what I wanted first time round. I totally believe that you can do it 💜

    It is brilliant that you’ve sought out professional help and I can assure you that your feelings are valid and you are important - they will never tell you that you need to suck it up. We all need a little help sometimes. I hope it helps to share and talk through experiences with the rest of us here.

    Keep us updated with how you’re getting on. Take care
    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • JordanJordan Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    The advice @lucy307 gave was really good :)

    Not doing well in exams isn't a reflection of your intelligence or skill. Even with all the preparation in the world exams can sometimes catch us off guard. Not getting the grades needed for some of your choices doesn't mean you aren't suited for Uni :) Have you taken a look at UCAS clearing options? It's been a couple years since I did UCAS but it should work the same. I know plenty of people who, for whatever reason, didn't get into their first choice but found somewhere they loved just as much via clearing. 

    It sounds like you are worried about the future and that you feel life after school is part of the unknown. I can understand why you feel that whatever follows school is scary and unknown. Going to University, college, or pursuing another pathway will most likely be different from your environment at school and it's normal to feel worried because of this change. I think everyone that sets out for Uni has some of that fear. Have you tried reading up about what Uni is like? If you are worried about changing environments then that could help.

    Let us know how you get on with everything :)
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  • Tee ATee A Posts: 123 The Mix Convert


    I am very sorry to hear that the stress of college/university is having a negative impact on your mental health.

    I would just like to say that exam grades are not a reflection of your intelligence or how capable you are/should be for university. I do however, may understand a bit of how you are feeling because I was in the same position as you in college.

    I know this may seem really hard, but try your very hardest not to stress. If you want to go to university, you will! There are many routes you could take. For example, you could defer a year or look on clearing (there is a common misconception surrounding what courses are available on clearing, there are very good courses on there at very prestigious universities!). In addition to this, I have friends who did not get the grades they wanted but still got into the university they chose (for example, one of my friends got BCD). A D-grade does not mean you have failed.

    I, myself, am currently at university and to be completely honest with you, I do not know what I want to do in the future. I am still waiting to meet someone at my university who knows exactly what they want to do with their career/lives!

    Your boyfriend seems very caring and you seem like you have a strong relationship with him. Maybe discuss with him further options in the future which put your needs and interests first. Maybe suggest to him that you would like to be more independent and you two, together could discuss what that may entail.

    Try to enjoy the journey, as well as live it. You are a person not a grade on a piece of paper.

    Tee A :)

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