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am I being paranoid again?

joyajoya Posts: 210 Trailblazer
edited January 11 in Health & Wellbeing
first of all: yeah, I'm kinda feeling stressed and almost out of control. But in the context: I'm very better than the day a wrote this below and I am just in doubt about those questions, so yall don't worry, I just wanna someone to talk about these things (my therapy just begin in two weeks and I'm changing my doctor, so it's gonna take a while to discuss about this topic). AND SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH ^^

In 2017, when I was 15, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Since then, I take the treatment very seriously. It's only been two years, but I've been medicated with more than nine types of medications and nothing really has had any positive effect.

Sometimes I am very happy, very creative and very hopeful. Other times I can't even get out of bed or take a shower. However, I am well aware that bipolar crisis (from what I have read so far) occur over long periods of time. My mood swings usually last for two weeks or less, and they're never too serious, just some euphoric feelings and suicidal thought, sometimes subtle and sometimes very clearly. I wonder if this is related to the hormones of adolescence (I'm 17 now) or the facets of depression (that I was "cured" two times and back again almost one month being "good"), or if it could be any sign of bipolarity. I always find myself researching and getting paranoid about this particular disorder, because some points that in my view are so close to things that a feel sometimes and others are very distant.

Can someone just answer me if bipolar disorder is different for each person and being very paranoid about it can be one of the symptoms? Is my period of disability and mood swings occurring in less than one week characteristic of bipolar disorder or just depression (in the morning, I'm ok, in the afternoon I feel like I could kill myself or punch something)? These peaks are fast but constant, every month I get these feelings and their make me exhausted...

I have come this far, because like I said: my doctor is never clear to me and now I'm trying to find another with the government help (public health). In December 16, I had multiples panic attacks that lasted eight days. Since from this day I can't eat well, I have realistic nightmares and I can't feel well. I get cranky for no reason, stressed out and very weird (and more paranoid too). This scares me because I don't know if it is the effect of the new medication (which, ironically, is given to patients with bipolarity and schizophrenia) or just a phase.

I know it's gonna be better soon, because always pass and I always feel ok in some point of my life, but it's not passing at all, and that's kind creepy for me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losting control and I really don't wanna be losing it, because well, I'm very young and have a loooong life to follow.

I just want to answer those questions, to get my mind quiet for a little, so please, talk to me...  


everything always goes ^^

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie I’m alive but I’m ✨dead✨ England 🏠Posts: 11,005 An Original Mixlorian
    Heyy !

    you seem very self aware of your challenges & glad youre reaching out for help. But yeah youre in terms of bipolar is very different for every person - i think all mental health illnesses are. 
    Its hard to tell where your mood swings come from but i dont think bipolar is the only one thats a symptom of. Like borderline personality disorder- mood swings is a massive symptom though - i have Borderline personality disorder and dont get mood swings i just have a lot of the other symptoms but yeah i know it all varies for each every person. And only a doctor would be able to answer most of your questions.  

    How come they have given you meds for bioplar or schizonphina

    from what i know most people who have bipolar dont know they have it and think how they are is okay or they don't like accepting they have it. Though I'm guessing there must be some people who was thinking a lot they had it before their diagnose ie if their parents had it or more self aware of the signs.  But being parniod in general about things is a symptom. 

    Hold the hope of it getting better soon <3 sometimes it takes longer than other times x
      take care of your self <3


    𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐒𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. 💕💕
    joya
  • joyajoya Posts: 210 Trailblazer
    Shaunie said:
    Heyy !

    you seem very self aware of your challenges & glad youre reaching out for help. But yeah youre in terms of bipolar is very different for every person - i think all mental health illnesses are. 
    Its hard to tell where your mood swings come from but i dont think bipolar is the only one thats a symptom of. Like borderline personality disorder- mood swings is a massive symptom though - i have Borderline personality disorder and dont get mood swings i just have a lot of the other symptoms but yeah i know it all varies for each every person. And only a doctor would be able to answer most of your questions.  

    How come they have given you meds for bioplar or schizonphina

    from what i know most people who have bipolar dont know they have it and think how they are is okay or they don't like accepting they have it. Though I'm guessing there must be some people who was thinking a lot they had it before their diagnose ie if their parents had it or more self aware of the signs.  But being parniod in general about things is a symptom. 

    Hold the hope of it getting better soon <3 sometimes it takes longer than other times x
      take care of your self <3


    Ohhhh, thank you so much for answer me! Sometimes I feel so locked with myself and my thousand of thoughts, that I practically forget how to think in simply ways and my mind always go to the hard trip and makes me sad/stressed wjdjsjsks

    I stay very paranoid about my swings bc theire let me very exhausted. I know that exist the bipolar disorder (1 and 2), the borderline and the cyclothymia disorder. And ALWAYS the bipolar 2 got me like: oh-oh, i think my problem it's more deep than it looks... maybe I'm bipolar and maybe I'm beginning to be a problem too much big for my family and friends....

    I hate sometimes be so aware of all those feelings and all those types of disorder, because I start to think too much and start to be kind of obsessed with it.

    Like you said, it is a fact that people with humor disorder, doesn't really think they're sick or in a bad mood; and I completely forgot about this. And well, I am always thinking about my moods and if I'm really fine or not...

    Anyways, I am so much calm now, i guess i can think in another things now..

    Thank you soooooooo much for talk to me and answer me!!! I'm trying to be fine now, even with all those questions and paranoids thoughts.

    I hope that your day/night can be good, and that you can be calm and relax to pass sometime with yourself in peace. If you need anything, I will be here to tell you kind and useful words too  ^^ 🥰

    ps.: sorry for my bad english and mistakes, it's not my first language :/
    everything always goes ^^
    Shaunie
  • ShaunieShaunie I’m alive but I’m ✨dead✨ England 🏠Posts: 11,005 An Original Mixlorian
    You're welcome! <3 

    and its okay to have those thoughts, i guess it how much energy we give it. And i guess that doesnt mean we just ignore cause can give more power but maybe being mindful and being like "oh thats another one of those thoughts and actknowledging it and letting it pass"

    i doubt your a problem too big for your family, when people care they see everything worth it. Are your friends and family support?

    I forgot to ask - do you speak to your doctor about bipolar disorder?

    and i admire your strength! <3 & your english is good!

    my day is shit as usual lol but thanks 
    𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐒𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. 💕💕
    joya
  • joyajoya Posts: 210 Trailblazer
    Shaunie said:
    You're welcome! <3 

    and its okay to have those thoughts, i guess it how much energy we give it. And i guess that doesnt mean we just ignore cause can give more power but maybe being mindful and being like "oh thats another one of those thoughts and actknowledging it and letting it pass"

    i doubt your a problem too big for your family, when people care they see everything worth it. Are your friends and family support?

    I forgot to ask - do you speak to your doctor about bipolar disorder?

    and i admire your strength! <3 & your english is good!

    my day is shit as usual lol but thanks 
    i didn't asked yet about the bipolar disorder... i am very shy and have a big difficulty to be honest with my doctor (that's why i am trying to find another that makes me more confortable to talk about those doubts and fears),, but at the moment, i only have my spectacular brain answer me neurotic things about these doubts kdjfkjdfskd

    i read a lot these days about bipolar disorder and i found out that my case maybe can be more about a gross anxiety problem than some hypomaniac episode; today, for example, i am VERY euphoric (its terryfing me), but i guess thats because tomorrow im going to see a doctor (gastro) and i am afraid that i'm going to there to nothing, afraid that even a doctor can't help me with this pain in my stomach (when i get sad or anxious, i cant eat and that just destroy my body)

    so maybe thats it, just anxiety and depressed feelins mixing a chaos inside of me,,,,, i can deal with this, i guess... i'm learning how to deal with myself...

    about your day as a shit, i hope they can be roses soon; shit smels bad but roses smels very good and good perfums can make anyone happy ,, if you need something, im here to help  <3
    everything always goes ^^
    Shaunie
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