Where can I go for advice

One-in-a-million

so I’ve spoken about this before sort of. My cousins are 12, 14 and 20 as you can imagine the 20 year old isn’t in much these day but I’m worried about the other 2 they are not happy they stressed with the responsibility of going to school, going straight around their nans to help clean, wash clothes and help out a lot and sometimes do her shopping (their mother is her carer but I feel like they do most of it.)

they then aren't going home until late like 9/10 and still haven’t had their tea or done homework. The 14 year old has admitted to me that she has scratched herself with sissors before although I haven’t noticed anything since the end of November (still keeping an eye on things.)

I did something very wrong 😔 and took a look at her phone (I know I’m a bad person for invading their privacy) I didn’t like the messages I saw from other kids at their school they were very sexual and the stuff said, I actually can’t write here due to the language used. They aren’t being allowed to be with their friends and she has called the 14 year old some horrible names.

im in the middle of it all I love those kids with all my heart they are my world so knowing they aren’t happy is killing me. I can’t talk to their mum due to show she is, she would make me out to be the bad guy and heaven forbid stop us from seeing them again. She had done it before when they were very little and I was heartbroken over it. We eventually got to see them again 6 months later but thats a long story.

 I’m just at a loss what to do, the 14 year old often comes down my nans in a bad mood or upset over something and the most recent she said to my nan that she felt like throwing herself in the cannel (not sure if she meant this or not but that’s not the point and I took it seriously)

 I want to help but how do I do it without taring the family apart. I can’t loose them kids. They have always stayed down my nans at weekends right from being 1/2 years old I’ve been like a big sister I've cuddled them, read to them played with them, bathed, put them to bed, taken them out.

you get the idea I’m just lost and I’m the one they come to with their troubles who can I contact to get help?

Former Member

Hi @One-in-a-million

Have you spoken to The Samaritans at all? You can contact them on your cousins behalf and they can anonymously reach out to them without telling them that it was you who contacted them

They have some advice on their website about what to do if you're worried about someone: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/

Former Member

Hi @One-in-a-million

This sounds like a really big thing to have on your shoulders, so it's great that you decided to share here I think @Past User's suggestions are a great idea, and definitely worth looking into. 

Additionally, I'm wondering if you could consider encouraging your cousins to seek some support themselves? They don't have to know that you have seen their phone - you could just say you have noticed they're doing a lot and perhaps could do with some help with that. Childline could be a good option for the 12 and 14 year old - and of course The Mix

Also, The Mix live chat is good for finding support - that's worth a try too. 

Keep us updated and I hope things start to improve soon. Take good care

Former Member

Hi @One-in-a-million

It's really hard to be constantly worrying about your family when they're struggling but not sure the best way to help them. From what you've said it's understandable to be concerned about sharing with their mother and worrying about losing contact with them as a result. 

Have you spoken to your nan at all about your worries or anything she has noticed about their behaviour? It's important that you also have lots of support for yourself when you're helping to support other people. 

I also think that @Past User and @coc0mac are good ideas for possible contacting Samaritans or Childlike for some help or advice on how to help them or how they can further help themselves. Your cousins are lucky to have you looking out for them. 

Siena

Heyy!

i agree with what others have said. And they def are lucky to have someone looking out for them. I don’t know where else you could go to advice so i guess the next best thing is saying my own advice ah. 

I dunno on how much you have communicated t your cousins specifically. Like you said you was unsure on if she was serious when she said about throwing herself in the cannel. Apperently asking someone if theyre sucidial doesnt put the idea in their head. 

How are things now. Hope youre all okay!

One-in-a-million

Hi guys I’m sorry I haven’t been replying lately it’s been manic. I feel helpless, they mean the world to me and I feel the need to protect them but I can’t.

I haven’t seen them for a few weeks so I’ve been unable to talk to them. I’ve mentioned the mix to my cousins before but I’m not sure if they would use it or not but thats up to them. 
So far this is where we at and until we see them again I can’t know for sure how things are going.

Thank you guys