Why do I struggle with different partners.

Hello everybody. I have been struggling to have sex with different girls. I was married but was caught cheating about 3 months ago. My then wife wasn’t giving me attention at all so I decided to look else where. I’ve been trying to have sex with another girl and I can’t seem to get hard or stay hard long enough. I would like to think I like this girl and at times I do want to have sex but when it comes to it I’m not able to. Since my split I’ve had sex a couple times with my ex partner and had no issues what so ever. I’m just wondering what would be the reason for this? Am I not attracted to this other girl? Am I used to being with my ex partner? I really need help. Me and this other girl have tried multiple times and it the same thing all the time.

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Former Member

Hi @Past User

We have a section on The Mix all about sex and relationships which may provide you with some useful info. This one here is specifically about impotence - maybe have a read and see if it helps:
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/impotence-3954.html

JustV

Well done for posting here @Past User. Sometimes these issues can feel tricky to talk about but it's cool to see you being open and asking for help when you need it.

Being aroused is a more complicated thing than a lot of people realise. Your mental and emotional state plays a huge part in whether you can 'stay hard' enough for sex. For example, if you're not fully relaxed or you're feeling anxious or you're preoccupied, that can cause problems staying aroused. Even if you know full well that you're attracted to the person you're in bed with and you're in the mood to do things with them.

You mentioned you do like this person and want to have sex, so I wonder if the issue is more emotional or mental? Being comfortable around someone can really impact this too, which might explain why you're not having the same problems with your ex.

Also, the info @Past User recommended is worth a look.

Siena

Heyy

yeah i agree with @Mike

im female but hopefully i could give some insight. But in past havent been stimualated from some people but do with others and i wouldnt know what would be the difference. But def was a mental thing of either mostly anxiety, whats already happened in the day, whats on my mind, and if they did something different before the sex ie being touched a lot before. rather then going straight to sex or something that was different. If makes sense.