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Why do I struggle with different partners.

Zee_Zee_ Posts: 1 Just got here
in Sex & Relationships
Hello everybody. I have been struggling to have sex with different girls. I was married but was caught cheating about 3 months ago. My then wife wasn’t giving me attention at all so I decided to look else where. I’ve been trying to have sex with another girl and I can’t seem to get hard or stay hard long enough. I would like to think I like this girl and at times I do want to have sex but when it comes to it I’m not able to. Since my split I’ve had sex a couple times with my ex partner and had no issues what so ever. I’m just wondering what would be the reason for this? Am I not attracted to this other girl? Am I used to being with my ex partner? I really need help. Me and this other girl have tried multiple times and it the same thing all the time. 

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    Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hi @Zee_

    We have a section on The Mix all about sex and relationships which may provide you with some useful info. This one here is specifically about impotence - maybe have a read and see if it helps:
    https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/impotence-3954.html

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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Well done for posting here @Zee_. Sometimes these issues can feel tricky to talk about but it's cool to see you being open and asking for help when you need it. :)

    Being aroused is a more complicated thing than a lot of people realise. Your mental and emotional state plays a huge part in whether you can 'stay hard' enough for sex. For example, if you're not fully relaxed or you're feeling anxious or you're preoccupied, that can cause problems staying aroused. Even if you know full well that you're attracted to the person you're in bed with and you're in the mood to do things with them.

    You mentioned you do like this person and want to have sex, so I wonder if the issue is more emotional or mental? Being comfortable around someone can really impact this too, which might explain why you're not having the same problems with your ex.

    Also, the info @Han93 recommended is worth a look. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 2020
    Heyy

    yeah i agree with @Mike

    im female but hopefully i could give some insight. But in past havent been stimualated from some people but do with others and i wouldnt know what would be the difference. But def was a mental thing of either mostly anxiety, whats already happened in the day, whats on my mind, and if they did something different before the sex ie being touched a lot before. rather then going straight to sex or something that was different. If makes sense. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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