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TW - Trapped

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 177 Helping Hand
in Creative Corner
He came into my life
when I was just a little girl.
I was happy and young,
And then he changed my world.

One night I was in bed,
And he came to say goodnight,
except he took a little longer
I saw his shadow, before he turned out the light.

He really hurt me that night,
and I didn't know what to do.
I thought it happened to most,
to every little boy and girl.

It happened again as I lay in bed one night
hurting inside and out.
Tears streaming down my face,
I tried hard not to shout out.

I put the times, the nights
to the back of my head,
playing games at school;
there was nothing to be said.

Years had passed along,
and then it happened again and again.
My mum was out at the pub or at work;
it was him and me again.

I’d submit and sit next to him
just trying to sleep or watching the TV
when he’d pulled me close to him
and again molested me.

I thought it only happened once
Thought the rest was normal, when I had done something bad,
but now I knew I was wrong.
I felt alone and sad.

And 11 years on from when it first started I got
the courage to tell someone.
The police got involved and stuff.
I was hated by my mum.

She blanked me out that day
and stuck right by his side,
saying I was attention-seeking
and that it was all my fault

He’d send messages,
saying he would kill himself;
it was all my fault instead.

But my mum still hates me
In spite of him being exposed of his lies,
I feel so alone right now.
I wish I would just die.

I've told a couple of people before,
but it was hard for them, you see,
to put up with something as stupid
as a teenager like me.

All I do is mope and cry
because no one understands
what I feel inside each day.
Please, someone take my hand.

I hurt myself sometimes
when the pain gets too much.
I hate him for what he did
and where he used to touch.

I often think I'll run away
or step into the road.
My future seems so black and dim.
But my stop, my beautiful daughter, the reason I breathe.

I hope someone hears my cry
and says they understand.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm scared and on my own.

So you see, I'm stuck forever.
I just want to scream and shout,
but there's something you have to know.
That for me, there's no way out.


Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    You're great with expressing how you feel Natalie <3 I'm so sorry you went through such an awful thing and that it haunts you like this. It does sound like you feel trapped. I can only imagine what it's like. 

    You say your future seems really black and dim, what do you picture it as? 

    It must be hard to have your mum react like that. It wasn't your fault, he's responsible for his actions and I hope you know that. I'm here with you, you're not alone <3 

    It really can get better. Your daughter sounds very important to you <3 
  • Lauren223Lauren223 Staff Posts: 71 Budding Regular
    edited December 2019

    Your poem was really powerful, thank you for being brave and sharing it with us! <3

    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a lot at the moment and I can certainly hear how trapped you are feeling right now.

    You mentioned that you feel scared and on your own, but I just want you to know that we are all here to listen and support you through these difficult times.

    It's really encouraging to see you write this poem - being able to write down things down can sometimes help us understand our own thoughts and feelings when words may be too hard to speak. How did you feel as you were writing this and how do you feel now it's completed and people are able to read it?

    Please know, Natalie, that if you ever need to reach out to someone, the Mix is always here to listen. There's also support outside of the Mix, including services such as Samaritans and our Crisis Messenger service are there 24/7 if you need them if you ever feel like you need to reach out to someone.

    I hope things are clearer for you today <3
    Lauren 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Just coming to send some love and hugs 💕 your posts are always very powerful, you have a great way of expressing how you feel and really portraying that across.

    We're all here for you x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I hear you <3 hugs 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    wow.

    This is very powerful. I thought I'd move this to creative as I think it will suit it better and get more recognition. 

    Sending hugs
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