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How to bring home a date/ casual date particularly same sex when u live with parents... or go visit

tkdogtkdog Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
edited November 2019 in Sex & Relationships
Wow another post from me 😋

I was thinking about the idea of bringing my gf to home or potential one really.. lol 
Except i live with my parents. I havent even had a sleep over at this house lol well the only one i did have was at other house haha
I'm not sure its just the fact of bringing someone home.
Or the fact im bringing someone of same sex.
Though i dont even really want to bring back anyone tbh.
I don't like the idea of being judged about it or feeling pressure on it. I just want the freedom for things to be casual if they may. Ya know.
I dont even like my room at home ive asked several times to redecorate only largely futile or lets decorate in the summer only to be "too busy". Its really not nice. 

They wont let me walk out the door randomly even just for a walk. 
I dont have that kind of relationship with my parents where i can set rules in the house or whatever. Or talk to them about things like that. 
My mum said my dad was worried about me not having relationship however.
Though i dont want to feel forced into stuff.
And idk how id be able to bring home anyone anyway like i said. They dont make dating or friendships easy at all. 
I moved out once for uni and moved back in so it sucks even more. I feel uncomfortable to do anything i really.

The other thing is me going far off to any place more than 1 hour away. And how do i say i met someone online and wanna go see them. Isnt that dodgy to them. I cant talk about anything to my parents but i really wanna meet and even stay with someone that they dont know. And i dunno how to do any of that. Its really frustrating. Id love to stay with my crush, yeah i have no idea if it will really work out but i wanna and i just dont like this situation of being here and asking to do stuff. :( id like some advice maybe

I could stay with her and i cant do that either. I cant bring any of this up ..

P.s. i wont get defensive if u say be cautious meeting ppl from online as i really get that though they seem like who they are considering how many photos they sent.. me lol
Maybe its better to meet in a public place? But idk about not staying over with them since its some way to travel and id think it be nice.


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    tkdogtkdog Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
    edited November 2019
    Just one more note its probably too early for me to meet yet i realise. So i might wait a while. In fact quite a while lol I guess what it is. Is that im worried nothing will ever happen.
    Post edited by tkdog on
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    Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hey @tkdog

    This sounds like a really tough situation. I'm just wondering what were your parents like when you moved out for uni? Were they the same as they are now or were they a bit more relaxed?

    I always find that when I live at home my parents seem to want to know more about where I am and when i'm coming home then they do when I don't live at home. Would you be able to talk to them about how the way that they control what you do makes you feel?

    We do have an article here about living at home which may have some useful tips for you: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/family-life/how-to-live-with-your-parents-3296.html but I think the key thing is to set boundaries and expectations between you and your parents.

    Regarding meeting people online, I think it's pretty common now for people to meet online but I think you definitely have to be careful and definitely meet in a public place for the first few times you meet them until you know them well enough. Heres some tips about chatting online from The Mix: https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/personal-safety/how-to-stay-safe-online-29437.html

    Hope this helps <3

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    tkdogtkdog Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
    Thanks for the links.
    Well yeah so much more relaxed at uni mostly cos I mean they weren't there to ask me stuff. I guess they would call me a lot though. But yeah i could walk out the door whenever I wanted and do whatever i wanted they wouldnt know. Even though they kinda almost forced me to join clubs and stuff and would ask me about it. It was much easier to do stuff though ofc i would only ever travel within the medium sized area i lived in. 

    I probably and I will if did like meet them without like staying with them the first and maybe second fime (this would be risky or just awkward). Did a voice call though and some stuff to help with making sure legit (as well as for fun), but its better to be safe. I was planning to meet somewhere busy anyway. 

    The thing is either way they do live a little distance away and in the future at least its possible i would like to stay with them. Maybe its just something for the future though hmm.
    I wanted to meet once without telling my parents or something.. (but perhaps that will compound problems more) because i dont like that feeling of them following me. And then maybe again telling them and still not staying.
    I'm way too scared to tell them though overall (The fact that it is same sex doesnt help and idk how to talk about that (like oh i like ppl of the same sex) and feel like almost i will be laughed at but i will deal with that seperately.)
    Tbh im scared what questions my parents will ask about someone i met online, where, how long its been, why u like, have to show images or anything like that. 
    I dont really want to answer anything at all. I dont want to give the wrong idea and tbh i dunno if this will be a thing that works out until i try it. And Its private and personal to me and i dont like the fact i have to share anything. Maybe a bad attitude but idk how to change it especially when my parents spend so much time mocking me it kinda hurts me tbh.
    I also don't want to screw up on their (the girl i like) side ya. At least in terms of communication. I'm just very scared tbh. And i dunno how to take it or how to bring up something like this or if my parents get super worried or something. I know i could wait longer or something maybe that would make it seem more legit for my parents but i rather meet this person sooner than later, whether this works out or not isnt really the question for me just staying safe and not like having my parents judge me or be worried. 
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