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Feel so pathetic

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
in Health & Wellbeing
I can't stop crying. I'm so lonely. How is it so easy for other people to make friends? I can barely keep a conversation with anyone, even on things we may have in common. I feel like I have no hope of having a meaningful relationship with anyone ever again. What's the point

Comments

  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    I often think the same about it being too easy for others but I'm sure I'm imagining it to some extent. When it comes to connecting with people I often give up before I've even tried in all honesty. I empathise with pretty much everything you said, so you're not alone in feeling that way.

    It can be difficult when there are few people to talk to, and those that are seem unreceptive. I start to feel somewhat resentful towards them, which I know silly, and that's what makes me feel pathetic. I think it's just important to remember that its probably not your fault as much as you may think it is.

    Anyway, I'm around pretty often if you need to chat to someone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    Really sorry to hear how much you are struggling. Agree it's really easy for some people to hold conversations and make friends but not for everybody. I'm naturally pretty introverted and can find myself feeling really awkward sometimes making conversation, vs some of the really confident people I know who find it a breeze. You're just different to them (and so am I)! 

    Do you want to chat through what's making you feel this way? Hopefully we can help, at least make you feel a little more 'normal' as you have found two people here, me and Spook, who can relate already!! 

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User 

    I am totally the same too so please don't think you're the only one! <3

    I think some of the tips on the Mind website are really great, especially one about taking it slow which I have posted below. Making new friends is so overwhelming for people like us so try not to be so hard on yourself. These first steps might be a good way to get you feel more comfortable:

    "Take it slow

    If you've felt lonely for a long time, even if you already know lots of people, it can be terrifying to think about trying to meet new people or opening up to people for the first time.

    But you don't need to rush into anything.

    • Start off by going somewhere like a cafe, the cinema or a sports event where you can be around people, but not be expected to talk to them – you may find that simply being around other people is enough to help with your feelings of loneliness.
    • If you're going to a group or class, you could ask whoever runs the class or group if you can just go along and watch at first.
    • Go somewhere it's not expected that you'll interact straight away, like a class where everyone is focused on an activity."
    There's lots more tips here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#.XaXsGG5FxPY

    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    Thank you very much @Spook98 @Lucy307 and @Past User for your comments <3 I really like the article you sent me Han, I think it has some good advice in it.

    I've never been able to maintain a friendship because I always seem to push people away. I've had bad experiences with close friendships in high school that have actually scarred me pretty badly, so I'm afraid to get close to people. And now it's even harder to even get any friendships going, because I'm busy with studying, I'm so awkward when talking to people, and I don't like going out to bars/clubs like other uni students.
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    You are definitely not alone in this, lots of people struggle to make friends. I'm really sorry to hear that you're afraid to get close to people now after bad experiences with close friends in the past.
     
    Are there people on your course that you could study with and possibly get to know that way?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    edited September 18
    That's some insightful advice from @Past User and the main point that really resonates with me us that you don't need to rush this process. 

    It's annoying that with online social networks the way they are now it has actually become more intimidating to socialise in physical spaces. But hopefully this is not something that the minority feel but actually a lot of people struggle with this. 

    Having bad experiences with friends in the past will of course have its effect in the present, and so there shouldn't be a pressure to rush getting too close to anyone too quickly. And in fact, the self-destructive ("push people away") behaviour may become more likely if things feel like they're moving too quickly and that they are out of your control. 

    Maybe set one or two different small goals a week? E.g. try and start a conversation with someone you sit next to during class... There doesn't have to be any objective to the conversation but rather the act itself, when repeated again and again over several weeks will hopefully present an opportunity for you to start a friendship with someone. 

    But again, there's no pressure :) and it's great that you feel comfortably talking about this. It's a topic we should all talk about more <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey def is hard to make or keep friends. Like one of the hardest imo. Not alone with that feeling <3 it can be hard to find that connection with people to want to talk and talk about anything and want to meet up. I hope you do whatever feels comfortable with you. Sounds like youre trying and thats most important. Take care !  Here if wanna talk more x
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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