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Feel so pathetic
hydrangea
Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
I can't stop crying. I'm so lonely. How is it so easy for other people to make friends? I can barely keep a conversation with anyone, even on things we may have in common. I feel like I have no hope of having a meaningful relationship with anyone ever again. What's the point
I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
4
Comments
It can be difficult when there are few people to talk to, and those that are seem unreceptive. I start to feel somewhat resentful towards them, which I know silly, and that's what makes me feel pathetic. I think it's just important to remember that its probably not your fault as much as you may think it is.
Anyway, I'm around pretty often if you need to chat to someone.
Really sorry to hear how much you are struggling. Agree it's really easy for some people to hold conversations and make friends but not for everybody. I'm naturally pretty introverted and can find myself feeling really awkward sometimes making conversation, vs some of the really confident people I know who find it a breeze. You're just different to them (and so am I)!
Do you want to chat through what's making you feel this way? Hopefully we can help, at least make you feel a little more 'normal' as you have found two people here, me and Spook, who can relate already!!
- Lucy
I am totally the same too so please don't think you're the only one!
I think some of the tips on the Mind website are really great, especially one about taking it slow which I have posted below. Making new friends is so overwhelming for people like us so try not to be so hard on yourself. These first steps might be a good way to get you feel more comfortable:
"Take it slow
If you've felt lonely for a long time, even if you already know lots of people, it can be terrifying to think about trying to meet new people or opening up to people for the first time.
But you don't need to rush into anything.
- Start off by going somewhere like a cafe, the cinema or a sports event where you can be around people, but not be expected to talk to them – you may find that simply being around other people is enough to help with your feelings of loneliness.
- If you're going to a group or class, you could ask whoever runs the class or group if you can just go along and watch at first.
- Go somewhere it's not expected that you'll interact straight away, like a class where everyone is focused on an activity."
There's lots more tips here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#.XaXsGG5FxPYI've never been able to maintain a friendship because I always seem to push people away. I've had bad experiences with close friendships in high school that have actually scarred me pretty badly, so I'm afraid to get close to people. And now it's even harder to even get any friendships going, because I'm busy with studying, I'm so awkward when talking to people, and I don't like going out to bars/clubs like other uni students.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
Are there people on your course that you could study with and possibly get to know that way?
It's annoying that with online social networks the way they are now it has actually become more intimidating to socialise in physical spaces. But hopefully this is not something that the minority feel but actually a lot of people struggle with this.
Having bad experiences with friends in the past will of course have its effect in the present, and so there shouldn't be a pressure to rush getting too close to anyone too quickly. And in fact, the self-destructive ("push people away") behaviour may become more likely if things feel like they're moving too quickly and that they are out of your control.
Maybe set one or two different small goals a week? E.g. try and start a conversation with someone you sit next to during class... There doesn't have to be any objective to the conversation but rather the act itself, when repeated again and again over several weeks will hopefully present an opportunity for you to start a friendship with someone.
But again, there's no pressure