Isolated and young

Former Member

Hi everyone I've had the worst time ever this year I fell for my personal trainer (who was the same age as me ) and it didnt work out and I've been heartbroken over it😭. I have now left that gym and started a new one but I am struggling in the new gym as I'm missing the old one and theres a lot weird people in the new gym( a few creepy men that are freaking me out a bit ) and theres no other gyms close by.  it's just not the same the other gym was welcoming and friendly this one is big and scary. I have been struggling to go as I'm so anxious and missing my old pt i have no friends outside of the gym and no social life and this is causing me massive amounts of stress and anxiety and causing me to badly overthink as I would love more than anything to have relationships in my life 😭 I miss having friends and I would love to meet someone and have a boyfriend but I would like these relationships to be genuine, long lasting and meaningful. Im extremely lonely and the loneliness is causing me to become depressed . I dont want people who are going to hurt me and stress me out and the relationships or friendships that arent going to last I dont have the strength or energy for it. It seems like a huge risk with everyone u meet.  I'm scared I will be alone for ever and I'm sick to death of going around and around in circles with this its exhausting😭 I'm getting no happiness or joy in life anymore because this is all I worry about! That I will never meet new people and I will miss out and be alone forever😭 

Former Member

People make it sound easy to meet new people but it's actually extremely hard! U dont feel u can just walk up to a stranger and say hi as u dont want them thinking your weird making new friends with random strangers is extremely stressful  😭

Former Member

Did you switch gyms because of your first personal trainer? And do you no longer feel comfortable in your first gym? You mention you preferred it because it was smaller

It's normal to feel isolated, especially when you have switched from somewhere you are used to to somewhere you feel out of place. 

You mentioned you feel there is a risk whenever you meet someone in terms of how long the friendship will last and how rewarding it will be. I suppose in a way you are right. Every time we work up the courage to talk to someone new we are taking a risk in someway. Whether that risk is you don't "click" with that person, or your friendship only lasts a couple of months. I can understand why this risk is stressful, and you are right that it is exhausting trying to make new friendships. 

Making new friends can be stressful. Have you tried talking to anyone in your new gym? It can be really nerve wracking at first. Is there anywhere outside of the gym you could try meet new people? For example, any local youth groups, hobby groups that might interest you, or something along those lines?

Former Member

Hi, thank you for replying, yeah I did I was finding it to hard to train with him as I really genuinely liked him and stopping the training and being in the gym was just to hard. We did become really close friends through the training and it made things awkward not training anymore and  I felt really embarrassed about the whole thing and it just didnt feel right not talking as much anymore as I became attached to him. I was very fond of him and it also made me miss him. It just made me miserable to stay and was so hard seeing him around knowing nothing could ever happen and I genuinely  felt he liked me back by the way he would act and speak to me, he did say when I left that he hoped he could see me soon but nothing came of it he just started ignoring me and even to now I still dont know why . But it's his loss and I just hope theres better out there for me. Yeah that has just been my experience I hope there is other people out there looking for the same as me. No I've not I've been quite terrified although there is a lot of young guys of a similar age! No I dont think there is I feel I'm a bit to old for a youth group as I'm in my early 20s and I'm struggling to like things as I've developed severe anxiety that's kind of stopping me liking and doing things xx

Former Member

I honestly feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown over all this. I have had such a hard time with anxiety and depression over the years from stressful life events and feeling things would never get better and from things not working out. I've spend a lot of years unhappy. I've always been very caring and sensitive and my friends and relationships have always meant a lot to me so when they've broke down I've been devastated or disappointed or really hurt and shocked by people's hurtful bad behaviour. Life isn't the same without good friends and when I met this guy I really thought I had finally found someone (despite him being my pt) it was so nice to talk to someone my own age when I was in such a lonely place. It made me realise how different things could be and that there is good people out there but after him ignoring me now I'm not so sure. I would've honestly left for him so I could get to know him outside of the gym. I know it can be frowned on by some people but u cant help who u fall for.. u dont choose and we are the same age.. but anyway this isn't about him! I'm just hoping I can somehow find a way to move forward and just needing some reassurance and support  xx

Past User

Hey, just wanna say I empathise with a lot of the thoughts you've been having and I hope you start to feel better and move forward soon. And don't worry you'll find plenty of support on here if you continue to ask when you need it. You did well being so honest here, that's something I could definitely learn from.

Former Member

Hi thank you for your reply I'm trying not to worry about it all but its really hard😢xx 

Past User

Yes it definitely is. For me those thoughts tend to play on my mind and lead to me thinking things about myself which probably aren't true, and worry about things that I shouldn't worry about. For me, having good conversations wherever I can find them really eases the depression and anxiety I feel about it all. Like I said, you're doing well with this already, but always try to share those thoughts with others since they can get pretty out of control when we're left to have them alone.

Former Member

Yeah I'm the exact same it's so stressful experiencing all this. Thank you

Siena

Heyy!

i hear you- you dont want to be alone but you dont want to risk getting hurt. Its great to even recongise and first step to working on way to move forward. But lonlieness is also very painful, can be more painful than getting hurt. And i think we all make ourselves vulnerable when we make new friends ect cause there is a chance that person could hurt us. Can never tell who will and how ect, if we never made self get to that stage wouldnt be able to make relationships. 

& making friends is soo soo hard, like where do you start i dont even know. Sometimes can start of with something very small ( dont ask me for example cause idek looll guess depend where you are) and then build up on it. But people like when youre really interested in them cause people like talking about themselves lol

it sounds hard with what happened to your personal trainer and i can see why. I dont see anything wrong with it when youre same age ect. Maybe you need some space and maybe you could reconnect again as friends or?

we are here to support you and give you reassurance that there is always a way to move forward

Former Member

I'm really scared of putting my all into something and wasting my time and life  for someone to hurt me and it end. I'm terrified of abuse or being cheated on. I just want a long lasting normal genuine relationship and long lasting genuine friends yeah I think you just start by asking them how they are and taking it from there but I find this very scary and my anxiety goes through the roof when I talk to a stranger. I'm very shy aswel so it's a nightmare.  I dont think we ever will as he is ignoring my messages completely and this is really hurt me ❤ 

Former Member

It's hard because I didnt think he was like that and part of me still doesnt he seemed like such a genuine lovely down to earth amazing guy and we got on so well. I thought it was genuine.  I thought maybe something happened to his phone or something had happened to him but then I looked on his facebook page and the number is still the same so surely if his number is the same hes got the same number and got my messages . my mum said his number is still the same on his cards in the gym. And she has seen him in the gym. Stranhe why hes not replied to any of my messages but it's up to him I cant force him just something I've got to try and get over even tho it hurts Xx  

Former Member

Hi @Past User 

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way - I think it's totally acceptable for you to want genuine relationships and friendships, sometimes they're hard to find but they're so worth it when you do.

Are there any group classes at your new gym that you could try? Even if the exercise isn't  what you would normally go to the gym for it could be a great way to meet like-minded people.

Or if you have a bit of spare time maybe you could volunteer somewhere? It will give you the chance to meet other volunteers and can also be extremely satisfying.

The charity Mind has some tips on managing loneliness here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#.XZYNnm5FxPY

There's also a movement called Be More Us which is all about tackling loneliness - you might find something here that you find useful: https://bemoreus.org.uk/

The Mix have also written some good articles on loneliness that maybe you could have a read of:
https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/depression-mental-health/how-can-i-stop-feeling-so-sad-and-lonely-6059.html
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/im-lonely-4526.html

I hope some of this helps

Former Member

Hi so I have struggled to cope in the new gym it was causing panic attacks and making me feel extremely lonely and extremely sick with anxiety so I've left and come back to the old gym from the persuasion of my mum and she went with me the other night just to try it again and I felt I belonged there and liked it better there but its caused severe overwhelming anxiety as I'm terrified of what my old trainer will think and so embarrassed to see him. I'm scared of his reaction. hes off long term just now but will be back in about 6-8weeks and I feel extremely bad and like a back stabbed as I've signed up with a new trainer which is one of his best friends as all the trainers are male and really close! My mum has reassured me loads of times but my anxiety is so bad. Thank u for your reply I will take a look xx

Former Member

Hi @Past User 

I think it's brilliant that you've had the courage to go back to your old gym and I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for that

You shouldn't feel guilty about signing up to a new trainer - you have to do what's best for you. It's all part of the job and I'm sure he will totally understand. Hope your new PT goes well and you start to feel more settled back there