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Not coping ☹️

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
edited September 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Im finding things really hard again, relapsed with self harm yesterday and being struggling with it a lot today and thoughts around it. My suicidal thoughts are back which are hard handle and I’ve hardly sat still all day, I’ve been so on edge and I just feel so fidgety. I don’t know where this is going but I’m so rambly at the moment sorry. 
Post edited by Butterfly23 on
Kathleen07Evelyn360BubblesGoesBooAzziman

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Butterfly, I'm so sorry you're struggling. That does sound really hard for you <3

    Do you know what's behind your suicidal thoughts? For example, you want to end the pain or you're not feeling much value for your life?

    I've found this breathing exercise a bit helpful when I feel on edge - breathe in for 4 seconds and then do the same with breathing out. I've put a gif under the spoiler. Have you been using any alternatives to self-harm like drawing on your skin? Or is it not working or you'd rather not? x

    Not at all, there's no need to be sorry for rambling. I find it helpful to do that and we're always here for you :)

    Sending hugs x
    Butterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Kathleen07

    Thank you, I think the reasons behind my suicidal thoughts is just like I’m done with my life the way it is, and I’m trying to hard to be okay and every day is still the same ☹️

    I like the breathing exercise it looks helpful so I’ll have to try that 😊

    Before yesterday I was trying alternatives to self harm and stuff but now I’m just doing it whenever because I feel like it’s the only thing I have keeping me sane at the minute. 

    Thank you again! 
    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww, you're welcome :)

    I understand that. It's no surprise that you're done with the way your life is :( Things can get better and good times are coming. It must feel exhausting and hopeless to be trying so hard but not feel any improvement. I truly believe in you and that every day won't be like that forever. I hope you know you're lovely and how valued you are in the world. Is there anything you'd like to try to improve things?

    It makes sense that it's keeping you sane. Please take care of yourself <3
    Butterfly23
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    I'm so sorry you're struggling :( Have you spoken to your GP/team about how you're feeling? I know it's scary but you are stronger than these thoughts. do you know whats triggered this?
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
    Butterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @Kathleen07 I know things will get better as they always do, it’s just in this moment it’s hard to believe that 💓

    Thank you @BubblesGoesBoo I am going to book an emergency GP appointment, to talk through things. Nothings triggered it which I think makes it worse sometimes x
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 The Mix Regular
    hey @Butterfly23

    I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment, and the specifics you've mentioned I really empathise with. I hope the appointment with your GP goes well and you start to feel better soon. Either way keep talking to us. Not knowing what the problem is and the agitation that comes from it is infuriating, but maybe it can be figured out with the help of others. Rambling is fine! :) I'm guilty of that too.
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I hope the appointment goes okay, let us know <3
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,450 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Heyy. Sorry i dont have much to add. Just wanted to say hope you find support from your gp, well always here for you to ramble to and hopefully helps you sharing it <3
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you everyone 💓
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    edited September 2019
    Just thought I would update 💓

    Hit a really bad patch yesterday, don’t remember that last time I felt so low and can hardly even process how I was feeling. Was really suicidal and didn’t really have much hope at all tbh, felt like I was just spiralling down really quickly. My urges to hurt myself were incredible strong but some how managed to get through them, maybe I’m stronger than I think? 

    After a good sleep I’ve woke up feeling much calmer, still a bit rocky, my mood is a bit sensitive but anxiety is way better. I’ve got a day off college today as it’s a training day so I’m hoping I can catch up on the work I didn’t do yesterday, do some jobs around the house and some online shopping with my birthday money! Also got a few shifts at a card shop to look forward too, training shift on Monday so that’s something positive to focus on. 

    Compared to yesterday I actually have a bit of hope today, and feeling quite grateful for my life and how lucky I am to still be here, getting amazing opportunities, being healthy, being able to laugh and the list carries on. The worst days are the worst and it feels like life has just crumbled in front of your eyes but when you come out of the darkness even just by a tiny bit, everything’s still the same and life is just waiting for you to make it what you want it to be 🙌

    Anyway thank you so much for the support everyone I’m so grateful 💓


    SiobhanAifePast User
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide County Durham Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    Hey Butterfly, I'm so sorry you're struggling. That does sound really hard for you <3

    Do you know what's behind your suicidal thoughts? For example, you want to end the pain or you're not feeling much value for your life?

    I've found this breathing exercise a bit helpful when I feel on edge - breathe in for 4 seconds and then do the same with breathing out. I've put a gif under the spoiler. Have you been using any alternatives to self-harm like drawing on your skin? Or is it not working or you'd rather not? x

    Not at all, there's no need to be sorry for rambling. I find it helpful to do that and we're always here for you :)

    Sending hugs x
    Thanks that’s really helped for me as well I’m finding it hard to cope as well 
    Butterfly23
  • AbiAbi Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Butterfly23

    Sounds like things have really been on the up for you compared to yesterday. How was today for you? 

    Sometimes emotions can just build up over time, nothing can trigger the release of these emotions, it can really help to let them out, if that's creatively, talking or even plan simply crying. 

    @Butterfly23
    maybe I’m stronger than I think? 
    There a quote I want to share with you. Reading this when you start to feel a struggle can remind you that your better than you believe and it can be the thoughts talking. 

    Image result for your stronger than you believe smarter than you think

    A day of rest and relaxing can really help with your emotions. Best of luck with your training shift at the card shop, we are always here for you if you ever want to talk, rant or even ask for a hug, we are always here for you. 

    <3
    Butterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @Abi that’s really lovely 💗
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Here’s me thinking things were improving ☹️ Today has been a fail already, I feel so unwell. I want to ring GP tomorrow for an emergency appointment but I can’t, as I have that job shift so I guess I just need to hold on until I can. I need something to help cause my anxiety is getting ridiculous now 😫 
  • Hey @Butterfly23

    If you feel that unwell, an emergency appointment could be the best thing for you. A job can always wait. Your mental health and well being is the most important thing and should always come first. If you feel like you need it there are lots of people you contact for help. You can text crisis messenger 24/7 by texting 'THEMIX' to 85258 or the samaritans are available to call on the number 116 123. 

    Have you tried breathing techniques for you anxiety? These have been very helpful for a lot of people to help control anxiety. Another option which may sound a little odd at first, is to hold onto a smooth stone and rub your fingers over it. Its meant to be comforting and help calm individuals down! 

    Please let me know how you get on. 

    All the love 
    Butterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @rachel_ann

    I would miss the job thing but I can’t cause parents would end up finding out, plus it’s my first one and it’s training and if I don’t go then I’ll never get the job and I need the money. I’ll try them suggestions thank you 💗
  • Hey @Butterfly23 it's not problem at all!

    I'm glad to hear from you. 

    I understand that must be so difficult for you. Especially when it's your first job and need the money! Have you considered talking to your parents about how you are feeling about this all? Having people around you who you feel like you can trust and talk to about your struggles is a great thing. 

    Good luck at your training and please let me know how you get on!

     <3 
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,450 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Heyy, i hope your training goes okay tomorrow <3 let us know how you get on. I hope how youre feeling now, improves again like it has done before. Awful to feel so low <3
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
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