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I think the love of my life just left me

tashtash Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
I entered a new school when I was 14, instantly fell in love with a girl, but it wasn’t till I reached 16 when I began getting close to her. She became my girlfriend, everything was amazing. Everything felt like a movie for the first year, second year we spent valentines in new york, for a couple it was like a dream come true. I come from an strict family, never actually felt happy. But with her, everything was different, felt like going out for fresh air when I was drowning, like my life changed from black and white to vivid colours. After the first year, I began praying to God and life that please let her be the one, I know I was young but I wanted her to be the one, thought life was answering back because all the signs that I was asking for began to appear. We were near graduation time, I wanted Europe for my university and she didn’t. She was refusing having long term a relationship. I really asked God and life that if she was the one, please give her the strength to have a long distance relationship. For my surprise, we graduated from high school together, during our second year, we both went to study in Europe and now she wanted to have a long term relationship. Felt amazing that God and life answered back. During our third year of relationship, we had some trouble. During all this time I kept asking God and life for her to be the one. During this troubled time, we kind of separate but continued talking, I asked God and life that if she was the one, please lets fix this up. Promised to be a better partner for her and better person. I began doing my part, I wasn’t a bad person neither a bad partner, never harmed her or lied to her or cheated on her. But I began caring more for her and other people. We fixed things and got back together. God was really answering my prayers, everything was perfect just like the movies. Until almost after 5 years of relationship, she broke up with me via text message, the only thing she said to me was that I was putting too much effort in the relationship and she felt like she was doing nothing for us. I told her she was wrong and she was actually making me a better person out of me. She still broke up with me. Told me that she needed some time for her.

 After 2 months of breaking up, we met at a bar at our home country. She hugged me and began crying and then she kissed me. We began talking again, saying how much we missed each other, two weeks later the same thing happened, we met at a get together from a friend in common and she hugged me, we both cried and kissed each other. However, during the next week she completely ghosted me. She went back to Europe and got told that was now with another guy and I asked her. She told me we met a guy two weeks before leaving and that they began talking and kissed several times and were now in the stage before a relationship. I’m not upset because she moved on. I’m upset because after 3 months of breaking up a relationship of almost 5 years and telling me she needed time for herself, she is now with another guy. Makes me feel like I’m so easy to be replaced, feels like God and life just played with me. After all the time I asked for her and I thought they answered back she just left me and after 3 months she met another guy. I fought for her, really struggled for her to like me back because she was like that she didn’t open her heart to anyone that easily. But now she did with basically a complete stranger. I just can’t get over her, she asked me to be her friend, but still told me that if this new guy got mad because she continued being my friend, she will just stopped talking to me. I feel so depressed, makes me feel like all I did was useless, I really feel like God and life just played me. After a 5 year relationship where it was all fun and joy, had experiences of visiting countries together and many other things, she just left me like It was nothing. It just hurts to see how she changed with me. Can’t even sleep without thinking of her, wake up crying cause of most of the times I dream about her. I really don’t know what to do 


  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Tash, welcome to the community :)

    I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're really hurting and going through a lot of grief <3 It does sound really awful for you.

    It sounds like you were a lovely partner to her. You could never be replaced. I understand having all those feelings that all your time together meant nothing and that everything you did was useless. You deserve to be with someone you love and who loves you back and it's not fair that she's with someone else that easily and after so much time.

    It will get easier. Does talking about it help? x

    Sending big hugs <3
  • tashtash Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    It does help, I tried talking to my family about it and they told me “we haven’t raised a weak person, I’m dissapointed that you get sad because of a girl” just made me feel worse. She was so special to me, I really thought life was telling me that she was the one :( I’ve been having awful thoughts about it. Gives me like anxiety and it feels awful. I’m scared of going to sleep because I keep dreaming about her, I just don’t know how to control that. 
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    You're not a weak person :( Your family are wrong. It's completely reasonable to be sad about her. Especially when she meant so much to you x

    Have you tried focusing on something else before you go to sleep, such as listening to a song that gives you good feelings? You could also maybe write out all your thoughts about it a few hours beforehand to help clear your mind a bit. Seeing as dreams are the way of the mind sorting out its feelings, I just thought that maybe doing that could help? x
  • tashtash Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    I will try writing my feelings down, I had a small nose surgery a few weeks ago. Thats means I cant do sports or go outside too much time. Felt so guilty, they beat me with my pokemon. Its just not easy, I remember thinking and hoping for the anestisia to do something against me. Feels like I lost everything when I lost her, my thoughts are dark now. I don’t know what to do 😭
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    How would you feel about seeing a doctor? <3

    It's horrible to be in that much pain and it hurts to hear you were hoping for the anesthesia to do something to you while you had that surgery. It sounds like her leaving you has really made you depressed. I hope this will be of some comfort - better times are coming and you have loads of strength to get through this. Sometimes you have to wait such dark thoughts out a bit, you won't feel like this forever and I hope you know how valued you are x

    Let us know how you get on with things, we're always here x
  • tashtash Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    Can’t afford a doctor :( im a student in his last year of university. And I’m afraid to reach the university because it will leave a mark on my student record. It’s hard, might feel like I’m making it sound worse than it is. But, it really feels like I’ve lost everything. It felt like I never really knew what happiness was until I met her and just breaking up out of nowhere and the thing that she’s with another, just hurts so bad. 
  • Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Sending you so many hugs @tash <3

    I remember when my relationship ended with my ex-boyfriend and I found out he had moved on I was so heartbroken and it actually made me feel so sick constantly so you are not weak and you are not alone. I know it's really cliché but time really is a healer - it took me a while to move on and I had a lot of time on my own after the break-up (which was the best thing I could have done) but now I have moved on and I am with someone who really cares about me and makes me feel so special so you will get there! This is the hardest part but I promise it will get better.

    The Mix has some articles that you might find useful to read here - to show that you're not on your own and you can get through this:

    I know that at the moment the thought of being single feels like the worst thing but I love this article from The Mix about being single and happy - when you're ready you can embrace being single and being happy by looking at this: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/single-and-happy-3180.html

  • PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hey @tash welcome to the forums :)

    It's great that you found The Mix and are able to talk about what happened. I can hear through your post that you truly loved and cared about her and are struggling a lot without her. 

    Heartbreak is devastating especially when you have been with someone for 5 years and seeing them move on can be really difficult. I'm so sorry to hear how your family reacted when you told them how you were feeling. You are certainly not weak or making things sound worse than they are, your feelings are completely valid and we are all here to support you and listen to you <3 Have you mentioned how you are feeling to your friends?

    @Han93 has linked some really helpful articles from The Mix that may provide some helpful coping tips.

    You mentioned in your post that you are feeling scared to go to sleep, Mind has a helpful article here with a few techniques that may help you fall asleep a bit easier.

    If you are worried about approaching your university for support, here is an article that suggests different ways to informally reach out for help at university.  

    If you think you need any immediate support, The Mix has a free confidential helpline at 0808 808 4994. 
  • tashtash Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    Thank you very much for all the words and links. These days have been really hard for me. Specially after she reached out and told me she wanted to be friends, but then she told me that if the other guy tells her to stop talking to me, she’ll do it. Felt like a low blow, she actually told me she prefers a guy she met a month a go than staying friends with me after I gave her all the love, attention and many things after 5 years. Its been really hard. I don’t know why my brain keeps thinking I will get a good morning or good night text and it just hurts too much. 
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    Hi @tash

    I am so sorry to hear you are going through this difficult time. It is completely valid to feel sad, in fact it's very normal. I just wanted to reach out and reassure you that things will get better. Using the resources available to you is not a sign of weakness and should help you cope better. 

    We are here to listen. Sending hugs <3
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