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Darkest place I have been at...

AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
Hello, 

Some may know me, I don't post a lot anymore. I'm in such a dark place at the moment, I glance at other people all the time and see how good their life is knowing I will never feel the same. I remember at 16 I would get told by support workers "wait another 3 years and you won't recognise yourself".. Well it's been 8 and a half years and they are very correct, I don't recognise myself but not in the way you would expect.. I now hear voices and suffer really bad paranoia, I get confused at reality and what's not real, 8 and a half years on and all I seem to do is exist not live my life. I have tried solutions and helplines.. Helplines seem good at the time but then you realise that it doesn't matter if you have spoke about it.. It stays with you and you ruminate again. I've tried to access support with the local mental health team, just over a month ago I got refused help from them too. People seem to not understand things anymore when you try to explain, people don't see the darkness inside you, wrapping around every organ until you can't feel anymore..

Sorry I'm just struggling at the moment.. Just trying to put my feelings down. 

Comments

  • Jade09Jade09 Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hello Kayden!

    Firstly, well done for coming back to the mix and reaching out for support! It's a really brave thing to do and I hope that we can help  <3  You never have to apologise for sharing you feelings!

    It must be really tough being in a dark place and being told that things would feel different in a few years, and then that not happening and instead of things improving it sounds like things have got worse. Is that right?  <3

    You have done amazingly to reach out to helplines and try different methods to help yourself, as well as asking for support from the Mental Health team recently. However,  it must have been really frustrating to not be given the help after making a big effort to ask for it, is there any charity mental health services or groups in your area that you could try?  :)

    You seem like a really strong person and are determined to get better!

    Jade x
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  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Hey Kayden :)

    im sorry you're in such a dark place, its good you're reaching out to helplines but im sorry you don't think it's helping.. have you been to your GP about this?

    As Jade suggested looking into different charities in your area might help :) Also I think mind do support groups in England, you could see if theres one near you?


    they don't have one here but theyre quite common, mental health cafe's, they have one where my friends live so when im away visiting them I always pop in, they meet once a week and you can just talk to others that have been in the same situation, and that I find more helpful than professionals.. like they've been through it and can suggest ways to cope that actually work :)

    Hope things start looking brighter for you soon <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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