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Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
I suppose pessimism is the best way of describing it, but for the past few days I've been pretty low, and a lot of that is that I keep thinking that things won't ever get better. By extension that I'll never change or be happy, and that I'll be stuck in the same cycle of feeling low, or feeling very little because it's easier. I'm able to see the progress I've made in talking about things, and the efforts I make and have made to do things that might make things better. But in honesty it just never works. It's almost like I'm not meant to be happy, given how foreign any sort of positivity feels to me. For example, I've tried to combat some of the loneliness I've felt by going out of my comfort zone, socialising in different ways, but even while in positive environments with people, I'm still in my own world. I try to be involved as best I can but I still never feel like I belong there or like I can enjoy myself.

Talking to people only seems to help in the sense that the conversation alleviates loneliness somewhat. As for talking about my problems, my pessimism and cynicism insures I always have a negative counter thought to any positive ideas or comments I get. The strange thing is that it's almost comforting to have given up, since trying and failing all the time is often worse than doing nothing. It's just draining I suppose, and only leads to me thinking that I might be irredeemable as terrible as that sounds. I wish I could be a different person: confident, happy and able to enjoy things more. But maybe that's just not me. 

I'm aware of how irrational all of this probably sounds from an outside perspective, especially as I write it all down. But my internal monologue is anything but rational, so it's probably for the best that I post something even if it doesnt help. Anyway, thanks for reading.


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    Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 82 Budding Regular
    Hey @Spook98, it's good that you've posted and I just want to say that it doesn't sound irrational at all. The way you've been feeling is completely valid and I empathise with you.

    I think it's really positive that you've been putting yourself is new social situations and getting out of your comfort zone. Just because it doesn't feel like it now, just know that it wont last forever and the good will come back  <3 You are not "irredeemable" even if it feels that way.

    When you say you wish you could be a different person; happier, confident and able to enjoy things more, have you considered making a list to counteract these feelings/ challenge them? You could try asking yourself "what would make you feel best about yourself?" Or write a list of qualities you like about you to reaffirm your values?

    I understand when you say its draining, it can be exhausting trying to navigate ourselves, it's such a work in progress. 

    I'm/ we're always here to listen  :)
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    I'm not really sure how to crawl out of the hole I've been in today. Theres nothing in particular that's been bothering me other than the complete isolation I feel. Yet I've just felt like shit from the minute i woke up this morning. I've tried to keep getting out of bed to distract myself, but it hasn't worked, and I've ended up curling up to sleep so many times, dreading waking up to it again. 

     I've been thinking about death pretty much all day now and I want it to stop. Being in bed all day has given me the worst migraine of all time, but at the same time I'm too exhausted to move. This is shit. 
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Spook38, :heart:

    It sounds like you are really struggling at the minute, it's great that you are reaching out for support here, we care about you :heart:

    Do you have any support in place? 

    Sometimes small steps could really help when we are feeling rubbish, listening to your favourite song/band/artist or having a shower/bath, self care can become difficult when we don't have the motivation but sometimes it could help. Just a suggestion.

    We are here, so keep reaching out. Also The Mix have a crisis messenger you can text, there is also the Samaritans who also have a text number too. :heart:

    Text THEMIX to 85258

    Samaritans: 07725909090

    Hope that helps :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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    Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 82 Budding Regular
    Hi @Spook98,

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down at the moment  <3 are there any places you can go to try and help you get out of your head and keep the thoughts at bay? You could try going for a walk and listen to some music that helps switch up your mood. Are there any other distractions you could try like watching tv until you feel more able to try and pick apart what could be on your mind? I often find when I get into a hole like this it's because I've been pushing things down too long and avoiding something. Do you think a similar thing could be happening to you? 

    Here to listen as always  <3
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