Night out

One-in-a-million

Do I don’t really know the true purpose of this thread I suppose it’s more of a rant than anything else. I went on a night out with a few friends yesterday. We were fine and my friends were trying to get me on the pull, all in good fun.

some were ok and just danced with me a little but one made me feel panicked for a little bit. It wasn’t his fault it was just my reaction. I mentioned in my other “A misunderstanding so why did I react the way I did?” I met a guy who started kissing me and feeling me up which I wasn’t ok with (general version of it) so since this one of the places I hate being touched in my waist. And while dancing.... he grabbed hold of my waist and didn’t let go. I panicked I didn’t show it but it shook me up I pulled away and then a friend pulled me towards her and he let go. He walked off so.... 

I find this so annoying as I understand he meant no harm and backed off. but My body just reacted. 

A while later me and a friend decided to go home I hadn’t been drinking much as I’m not a big drinker and my friend had someone who was picking her up. On our way out she saw someone she knew and whispered something to him, I presumed she was introducing me, out of no where this guy grabbed my head and was trying to kiss me very forcefully it took me by surprise and I kept trying to pull out of his grip while telling him no, he went to do it again and I kept saying “No no no don’t no.” And got loose from his grip. He grabbed my hand and asked why? To which I said “because I said No!” And me and my friend walked away. What annoyed me about this event is the fact my friend stood and laughed! I will admit she was drunk but I can’t see why she would find it funny drunk or not! 

While out I have no problem with guy attempting to flirt and I have respect for the guys who try their luck but back off and leave you alone if you tell them too. But I think grabbing hold if someones head and trying to snog them is way out of order!

rant over

Former Member

Understandable that you want to rant @One-in-a-million

You are completely right when you say that sort of behaviour is out of order. I can understand why you feel frustrated by this and want to rant.

We all have our own boundaries and limits and it's important we understand them, it sounds like you understand yours quite well. You mention that you know the first person meant no harm, but you still reacted and feel annoyed by it. Your reaction was completely natural; that person could have the best intentions in the world but if that is your boundary and what your body feels uncomfortable with it's important that other people respect that. There's no shame in having that as your boundary.

In regards to the second encounter, that person was way out of order like you said. He clearly overstepped a line and you made clear to him that he overstepped that line. Did your friend understand later why that made you uncomfortable?

Former Member

Hi @One-in-a-million

I just want to send you hugs and tell you that your reactions are completely natural. I totally agree with @Jordan, understanding your boundaries is so important and the fact that you are able to be able to stand up for yourself when that boundary is crossed is actually something you should be really proud of

Former Member

Hi @One-in-a-million.

the situation is even funny cause it's totally out of order. It's completely inappropriate behavior moreover some people have really strong self borders and do not like when people touch them in general not speaking of grabbing or kissing. Did you tell your friend that such things are unpleasant for you? Or did she understand it? Cause probably if it's okay for her and she doesn't think that smth is wrong, you can face such situations further on..( It's really good to clear up the situation to make you feel comfortable 

Former Member

Hey @One-in-a-million

I'm sorry to hear you were put in this uncomfortable situation and I wanted to say well done for standing up for yourself and your boundaries as I know that this can sometimes be difficult.

Echoing what has already been said, if someones oversteps your boundaries it's not ok. It sounds like it was upsetting that your friend was laughing at an incident which was very inappropriate. I was wondering whether your friend knows how you feel about behaviour like this? Would you consider talking to her about the night and what you did/didn't feel comfortable with to avoid another situation like this in future? 

One-in-a-million

Im glad to see that others don’t think I’m over reacting about this. I just feel like a lot of people see no problem with this but like you guys have said everyone has their boundaries and it can be uncomfortable when people cross them.

thank you guys