Feeling really down

Former Member

Hi everyone, I'm feeling really upset as things dont seem to be working out with a guy I've totally fallen deeply for. we met in an unexpected situation  which meant we couldn't persue a relationship in that kind of way which I have now left (I dont want to say what the situation was incase hes on here to) . It's quite frustrating I cant say the situation as I cant be fully honest with u guys and help relieve my anxiety and u cant fully understand and I have asked before to talk privately  but someone at the mix said it's not allowed . Anyway when I left he said he hopes he can see me soon he said this to me almost two weeks ago and I messaged him a few days later and he didn't reply and I left it again a few days and again he didn't reply. Im now thinking the worst I've been so upset and anxious and the ppl around me dont seem to be helping as they are so negative! I'm missing him so much I feel my mind is going to explode with stress and I just need a friend but I dont have any friends or family to speak to as they as just horrible and unsupportive he knows how I feel about him and that was his response?  How do u go from hoping to seeing someone soon to ignoring them? I just dont understand can anyone relate or atleast help me put my mind at ease?

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I'm so sorry that you are going through this We are all here for you and will support you all the way.

We have an article here on The Mix about dealing with a break up I'm not sure if you'd had a look at it:

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/how-do-i-get-over-a-break-up-4176.html

But break ups are so difficult - it can often feel like a bereavement - and it sounds like there were a lot of complications too so it's totally understandable for you to feel this way.

I'm not really sure what The Mix have said about not being able to talk privately, but there are a few different methods that you can chat privately - maybe have a look?

https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team

Former Member

Hey @Past User

Really sorry to hear you're going through some heart ache! Do you want to talk more about how it has made you feel instead of the specific situation if you're not comfortable with sharing all the details? Also remember the Mix is completely anon so even if he was on here, depending on how much detail you go into he wouldn't know it's you! 

It's really difficult when somebody starts to stop replying as we will always make assumptions on why. It's happened to me and loads of my friends before so I totally relate to feeling anxious about that. That's totally normal!! I'm sorry that your friends haven't been supportive but I hope we can help here

In my experience people usually stop replying if they aren't interested anymore but as I said before, that's just an assumption and would be better if he was just honest either way... I hope you are able to talk about it if he starts talking to you again. And if he doesn't, then he's probably not worth your time?

- Lucy

Former Member

Hey @Past User,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way((Can imagine how tough is this, I guess everybody has experienced such situations in their lives...and it's absolutely normal that you feel so down and upset.

       Unfortunately if person behaves like that it means that he doesn't really care , I know it's unpleasant, but it's 99% so (unless he just lost his phone). But just think of it.. why do you need person who doesn't really care about you? I've read the biography book of Coco Chanel and there's perfect moment when she told that as soon as she saw that people were not interested in her, she always left or stopped any communication. Cause people who were not interested in her, were not interesting for her  And it's about love to yourself. Maybe it'll help you to overcome this situation..

Hope you'll feel better soon

Former Member

Hi everyone thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to me I really appreciate it❤❤ it's hard it is but he knows how I feel about him and he knows how much I wanted to have something with him and  he did seem up for persuing something with me when I left he said he hoped he can see me soon in his reply to me telling him everything I felt and what I hoped for  but is now ghosting me entirely. Its confusing because why would u reply to a message like that if u had no interest in the other person in that sort of way and he said other lovely stuff which I cannot discuss on hear incase he sees it but it was a heartfelt reply. It is very hurtful but at the end of the day it's his loss as I would've gave my all to that relationship. It's hard not to feel it's my fault and it's a reflection  on me or it's something I've said or done or that I am somehow not good enough and hes changed his mind. I've ripped myself apart on this thinking I may not be funny enough, pretty enough, maybe he felt we didn't connect as much as I felt and maybe our close bond was all a lie. I'm just making so many hurtful and negative  assumptions on this because I dont know the answers and I'm upsetting myself. I could never do this to someone so I struggle to understand why ppl do this sort of shit i would just be straight up and honest about how i felt. I've had terrible anxiety because of this I've had an extreme racing heartbeat, struggle to sleep because of all the assumptions in my head, a tight chest and struggling to breathe and I've been close to panic attacks and mental breakdown. I know theres nothing more I can do and theres nothing more I could've done when he was in my life I done my best to make an effort and try to get to know him despite my own anxiety. I fell in love with him and it's a tough pill to swallow that I may never see him again. Hes breaking my heart. I just think how am i going to live without him? I'm going to miss him everyday for the rest of my life and i know because of how much he influenced my life in a positive way i will never forget him. I dont want to forget him. But I think jes already moving on and forgot about me😭😭 He was so gorgeous (all the girls fancied him and he had the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen), so genuine, down to earth, real, brave, courageous. I got to know him so well over a long period of time. 😭😭xxx

Former Member

I'm also struggling to sleep because of other people's assumptions. none of us know why he did what he did. It's wrong and hurtful what hes done but we can only ever go on the behaviour and what happened. It causes more hurt and pain to me believing things that may not even be true or even thinking he could do that when I'm the only one who really knew him so well. He didn't seem the type to treat anyone like that. So I'm trying not to think of anything apart from what hes done xxx 

Former Member

Hey there @Past User 

It's totally understandable that dealing with other people's assumptions of what happened would be hurtful, I think the best you can do is put it out of your mind and as you said not think of anything apart from his actual behaviour.

Going through a breakup can be so difficult, as others on here have mentioned, and I hope you keep us all up to date with how you're doing.

Former Member

Thank you so much riley I need to hear that ❤❤

Former Member

I can really hear how anxious this has made you @Past User , I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this but it's understandable because you are having to make assumptions. And in your assumptions you are being really hard on yourself, when in reality, that's probably not the reason at all. I'd also say if he's ghosting you then that's really childish... Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought that kind of behaviour was ok. He clearly isn't thinking about the way you feel at all. 

I think the best thing you can do at this point is try and distract yourself when you start thinking about it. Is there anything you love watching/reading/doing in the quiet moments when you might start to get anxious about it? For me, when I start to overthink I try to watch videos of dogs on youtube or look at wholesome memes I wonder if something small like that might help?

- Lucy