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mental health - tw
i’m 16 (nearly 17), going into year 13 next school year. i’ve been struggling with my mental health for about six years in total, the last three years it’s been most serious with low mood/depression basically continuously, self harm, suicidal thoughts, anxiety. in the last year i’ve also developed some eating issues. i’ve been having counselling at school for three years, and went to the doctor three times but did not get much except being told i was doing all the right things, being given a rubber band to try to stop self harm, and information on self referral to camhs. i haven’t done the referral to camhs because i don’t feel like i deserve it because there are people who need it more than me and for the most part i haven’t been in really big crisis for a while now. i’m just so tired of never having a day without it being there, it’s always lurking and almost every night i cry myself to sleep, and when i’m with others i always feel like a burden and like i’m ruining things for other people. my boyfriend is great and has helped me a lot and when i’m with him and get down he’s really good at looking after me, but i just can’t help but feel annoying. i’ve tried to sign up for so many online therapy or support things but i keep getting rejected from CBT ones because they think it’s not the right thing for me, and i just feel lost and rejected and lonely. it will be better once i’m back at school and can see my counsellor regularly, but i’m just so exhausted. i try to go outside every day and go for walks as often as i can, and i’m doing my best to manage my eating, but it just feels like nothing works