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worried i’m too dependent on my bf

itsquietuptownitsquietuptown Posts: 36 Boards Initiate
i’m 16 and i’ve been struggling with my mh for a few years now. my bf has been there for me through a lot and he’s done so much for me and is so supportive and he looks after me and makes me feel safe whenever i’m with him and start to feel low. whenever i’m apart from him even just for a couple of days i get easily anxious about whether he’s okay or not, especially if we don’t talk for a while. i also miss him so much that i’m just sad and cry a lot of the time. when i have been with him for a day and then one of us has to leave and go back home i always get really sad and scared. obviously because he means a lot to me it’s natural to miss him, and also because i'm an anxious person and also struggle with low mood getting sad and worried easily kind of makes sense, but i’m worried i’m too dependent on him, although i have been trying to not think of  him as the only thing that makes me happy as my counsellor told me this was important. i just worry that i’m making myself into a victim of sorts and therefore worsening the whole thing of him having to look after me a lot which i already feel guilty about. i don’t know if anyone had any advice about this i kind of just needed to express it and maybe hear some kind words


  • Mia_mooMia_moo Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    Hi @itsquietuptown
    I'm not any kind of professional and you may not find this helpful at all but I hope it makes you feel somewhat comforted. 
    When we get anxious and have low mood it really makes us everything things, but of course loving someone has its natural reactions such as worry anyway. Have you talked to him about the way you feel in regard to him looking after you? It may help give you some reassurance and take that weighty feeling off your shoulders a little if you discuss it with him and he can share his opinions with you so you aren't so focused on your own. (Again i'm no professional but this has helped me in the past). 
    Another thing you may find useful in regard to being 'too dependant' or attached is pushing yourself to do other things in the day when you aren't seeing him and keep yourself occupied around others. It's easy to sit in your space and stew over thoughts and get paranoid, which then leads to being scared and meltdowns. That's an incredibly lonely feeling and I wish you never felt like that  <3 
    Obviously it won't take these feelings away completely, but keeping yourself busy or even just in other people's company when you aren't with your boyfriend may help you to feel a bit more independent and focused. I know it's hard, we will get there  <3 Hope this maybe helps a bit 
  • ValerialettoValerialetto Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    hey @itsquietuptown,

    thanks for sharing your concerns, I hope you feel a bit better now

                     First I want to tell that it's very nice of you that you apriciate his help, support etc and do not take it for granted, it may seem strange that I tell it, but you know, as for  now, less and less people are thankful to each other and it's sad(
                    I understand that you are really upset and you miss him very much when you are apart, but seems to me there's can be smth else inside. A lot of people miss each other, but they do not cry...are you maybe scared of smth? 
                   I understand how strong this feeling can be  when you miss somebody...but just think of it, this person hasn't left you or dissapiered or died..it's vice versa you are very lucky and happy one to have him :3 What if yo use time apart for smth new? I mean all of us have routine and it doesn't really distract us if we worry about smth, so what if to get some new experience? Go to try to play tennis if you never did, ride a horse, go to swimming pool...new emotions will shake you I'm pretty sure. And moreover you'll be able to share your experience later with your bf  <3
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    hey @itsquietuptown

    Thank you for sharing this with us <3

    I wanted to echo what the others have said as I think there is some really good advice to be taken there.

    I was wondering if you wanted to talk any more about why you feel this way?

    Sending hugs x
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