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I feel like such a bad person
One-in-a-million
Posts: 606 Incredible Poster
so let’s start from the beginning. I’ve never had much luck with guys like ever. And I don’t go out a lot so meeting someone is hard. I’ve been on dating sites this one in particular POF. So a guy messaged me last year and we chatted for a bit but because I decided to have a break I lost the conversations I had.
Earlier this year the same guy managed to find me on Facebook. We chatted for a while and decided to go on a date together. He was such a sweet heart but I just wasn’t attracted to him. I explained that soon after out date as I didn’t want to lead him on. Anyway he was a little upset but seemed ok with it.
There was just something about him though. It’s hard to explain he is such a caring and funny guy and all I knew is that I felt confused about my feelings. So fast forward a few months to about 3 weeks ago I finally told him that I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about him and wondered if he would like to start going on a few dates again and seeing where they led. Well last week I told him that the few dates we had had made me realise what I wanted. I was honest and said that while I really like him as a person I don’t like him in a romantic way.
He was blaming himself saying maybe he says/does things wrong. The thing is, he doesn’t do things wrong he’s such a gentleman but I can’t force feelings that aren’t there. Anyway I told him that (he doesn’t do things wrong)
he ended the conversation on
”Hmmm ok, good luck Emma I hope you find someone.”
We haven't spoken in over a week he won’t reply yo me. I feel so selfish if I hadn’t put my own feelings first and asked him to go on more dates with me, then we would probably still be chatting as friends.
I can understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me or hates me for giving him false hope but I feel
really bad about it
Earlier this year the same guy managed to find me on Facebook. We chatted for a while and decided to go on a date together. He was such a sweet heart but I just wasn’t attracted to him. I explained that soon after out date as I didn’t want to lead him on. Anyway he was a little upset but seemed ok with it.
There was just something about him though. It’s hard to explain he is such a caring and funny guy and all I knew is that I felt confused about my feelings. So fast forward a few months to about 3 weeks ago I finally told him that I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about him and wondered if he would like to start going on a few dates again and seeing where they led. Well last week I told him that the few dates we had had made me realise what I wanted. I was honest and said that while I really like him as a person I don’t like him in a romantic way.
He was blaming himself saying maybe he says/does things wrong. The thing is, he doesn’t do things wrong he’s such a gentleman but I can’t force feelings that aren’t there. Anyway I told him that (he doesn’t do things wrong)
he ended the conversation on
”Hmmm ok, good luck Emma I hope you find someone.”
We haven't spoken in over a week he won’t reply yo me. I feel so selfish if I hadn’t put my own feelings first and asked him to go on more dates with me, then we would probably still be chatting as friends.
I can understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me or hates me for giving him false hope but I feel
really bad about it
1
Comments
Of course you could just ignore all that ^ I'm not exactly a realtionships guru either XD
I just want to reassure you that you acted in the best way you could've - you wanted to get to know him so that's what you did, it's not selfish, it's fair to both of you to explore your feelings and see if there was a chance of it working.
Although he may be upset right now, it's actually a compliment to him that you wanted to explore your feelings further so try not to worry that you were being selfish because it doesn't sound like you were at all. As you said, you can't force feelings.
In terms of talking as friends, he may just need time to heal before moving forward with a friendship. This doesn't mean he hates you, it probably just means he needs some time.
I hope this helps you to feel less worried as I really don't think you need to
Hiya @One-in-a-million
I think what you did was absolutely perfect and it will make things much better in the long-run.
If you carried on dating him even though you knew your heart wasn't in it - it would've ended up much worse.
I agree with the others - I think he probably just needs a bit of time to heal and then I'm sure you could both be great friends.