I feel like such a bad person

One-in-a-million

so let’s start from the beginning. I’ve never had much luck with guys like ever. And I don’t go out a lot so meeting someone is hard. I’ve been on dating sites this one in particular POF. So a guy messaged me last year and we chatted for a bit but because I decided to have a break I lost the conversations I had.

Earlier this year the same guy managed to find me on Facebook. We chatted for a while and decided to go on a date together. He was such a sweet heart but I just wasn’t attracted to him. I explained that soon after out date as I didn’t want to lead him on. Anyway he was a little upset but seemed ok with it. 

There was just something about him though. It’s hard to explain he is such a caring and funny guy and all I knew is that I felt confused about my feelings. So fast forward a few months to about 3 weeks ago I finally told him that I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about him and wondered if he would like to start going on a few dates again and seeing where they led. Well last week I told him that the few dates we had had made me realise what I wanted. I was honest and said that while I really like him as a person I don’t like him in a romantic way.

He was blaming himself saying maybe he says/does things wrong. The thing is, he doesn’t do things wrong he’s such a gentleman but I can’t force feelings that aren’t there. Anyway I told him that (he doesn’t do things wrong)
he ended the conversation on

”Hmmm ok, good luck Emma I hope you find someone.”

We haven't spoken in over a week he won’t reply yo me. I feel so selfish if I hadn’t put my own feelings first and asked him to go on more dates with me, then we would probably still be chatting as friends.

I can understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me or hates me for giving him false hope but I feel
really bad about it 

Former Member

He shouldn't hate you, he's probably just disappointed. It's good to explore your feelings and try and figure them out properly before making decisions about things. The good thing is that you were honest with him and didn't try and force yourself into feeling anything for him because then you'd just end up feeling even worse and stuck somewhere you didn't want to be. You have to be selfish sometimes and unfortunately people will get hurt, but sometimes you have to be selfish to figure out what you want

Past User

You can't help not being attracted to him and it sounds like you were very respectful of him while you were figuring out what you wanted. As for him not replying to you, it's understandable he might be upset too, especially if he likes you. So taking a break from talking to you might be easier for him at the moment than thinking about it, it's something I've also done in the past even if I don't like admitting it. I'd recommend not worrying about whether you were selfish since you did what you thought was right, just give him some time to process it and then message to see if he wants to be friends. 

Of course you could just ignore all that ^ I'm not exactly a realtionships guru either XD

Former Member

Hey @One-in-a-million

I just want to reassure you that you acted in the best way you could've - you wanted to get to know him so that's what you did, it's not selfish, it's fair to both of you to explore your feelings and see if there was a chance of it working.

Although he may be upset right now, it's actually a compliment to him that you wanted to explore your feelings further so try not to worry that you were being selfish because it doesn't sound like you were at all. As you said, you can't force feelings.

In terms of talking as friends, he may just need time to heal before moving forward with a friendship. This doesn't mean he hates you, it probably just means he needs some time. 

I hope this helps you to feel less worried as I really don't think you need to

Former Member

Hiya @One-in-a-million

I think what you did was absolutely perfect and it will make things much better in the long-run.

If you carried on dating him even though you knew your heart wasn't in it - it would've ended up much worse.

I agree with the others - I think he probably just needs a bit of time to heal and then I'm sure you could both be great friends. 

One-in-a-million

Thank you everyone, it’s really appreciated I will give him a bit of space and see how things go from there