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Birthday "depression"

tkdogtkdog Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
Its not my birthday lol I just felt like writing this. And i put depression in quotes because not really depression just referring to the phrase. So im thinking in the context of expectations to have like a really great birthday. Maybe it is something others here have experienced too.

I usually have quite a sucky birthday, this year wasnt too great the one before was meh better than before. 
Now i wouldnt be so upset, if i didnt have a history of sucky birthdays. I feel that when you get older these things matter less however its more the memories of bad ones that suck.
Although when i was a lot younger i was spoilt with good birthdays that felt great although sometimes i think it wasnt really about me just about having fun which is good too. Those times were good and i look back happily at this.

Not sure whats the point of birthdays anyway now I guess the acknowledgment of it is good but when you dont get it, sometimes you feel unwanted. Particularly if you compare to others who are out celebrating whereas you stay at home cos no one wants to celebrate it for you or even get you anything (although i get gifts throughout the year instead.)
When i think rationally now its untrue that im unwanted and i feel a lot better about it.  I feel sorry for those who live on their own a do nothing (well i saw this sad pic of someone with a make shift candle on their cake too poor for anything online) at the same time if you are own your own then you dont have the rejection from others. 

I suppose the memories of sitting in the lunch hall on my birthday on my own nobody caring that kinda feel like they are still there.
Pretty sad really. 
Or there used to be a girl back at school who had the same birthday as me, she got way more attention and support. While I just felt kinda like a reject. I never felt comfortable back then glad its behind me but i still feel some of that pain from then. 

If now i tell people its just like oh you are a year older, oh no thats sucks lol Welp i know people are joking but doesnt really make me happy to here that. Still when i see others not really celebrating it or that only having cake it does make me feel reassured. And i do know people who give presents to others on their birthday instead of receiving which is nice too. I guess it giving is nice too. 

Also most people dont remember as such you tell them apart from the person who remembered cos i told them or someone who did because i had the same birthday as another (though they remembered still so its good). Like its not important as such I just feel like its important to me still and the way i feel almost expectations to feel rejected sucks. I didnt tell my friend about my birthday because i felt that bad about it, felt like they would ask me how i was celebrating when the answer was no i wont be or maybe cake. Though later they found out kinda upset. Back when i had fb i also blocked the ability to see my birthday because the people who wrote birthday wishes i didnt really like particularly and it always felt quite fake. I guess the main thing is it makes me seem unwanted and all. And when someone else has their birthday i guess if i have bad birthdays i have less motivation to remember someone elses or do anything for it because i guess im like why should i for someone else when they dont for me. Even if i really want to to its the feeling of rejection and maybe that you are just being taken advantage of after all or if you  will always be like that. But i guess it isnt a big thing afterall since you should celebrate yourself everyday not just one day. And i think thats just it really.


  • Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    edited July 2019

    Hi @tkdog

    Sounds like your birthday can sometimes be a tough day for you! I don't think you're on your own there - I think birthdays in our society have been made into such big deals that we expect something really great to happen that day but often it's just a day like any other.

    I personally like to plan something that I find fun to do on that day. Nothing special really but I like to have my favourite kind of food or make sure I go to places I like. Is there anything you really like that you can use to celebrate your birthday?

    There's lots and lots of articles and blogs from people who feel the same as you and have some tips that it may be worth trying:



  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    Hey @tkdog

    Thanks for sharing this experience.

    It seems like you compare your birthday experience to others' and feel that yours is worse. The example of Facebook birthday messages definitely rings true for me as well. However, I think it's important to remember that you never truly know how someone else is feeling/ what their day is like etc. To you, it may appear that others are having a great day on their birthday and you're not but you don't know what has actually happened behind doors that day.

    Comparing is a trap that so many of us fall into so much of the time (I certainly do) and doing this to minimise this such as disabling your birthday on Facebook is a great idea. Try reminding yourself of the good things in your life to prevent you from comparing yourself to others. 

    You are loved and appreciated regardless of whether someone writes in on your timeline, buys you the biggest present, makes the biggest fuss etc - those things don't quantify love.
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