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Cry for help

NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 175 Helpling Hand
I’m exhausted with putting myself out there, I’ve talked and talked and nothing. 

This spiral is just getting worse. I feel like I’m actually defeated by it all. Sometimes things are just too hard and sometimes your soul just needs to let go of all the fear, hurt, sadness.

i think I’m at the end of talking, I’ve talked and said as much as I can say. Things just can’t be fixed or healed.  frustrating me more because it can’t be.

i need to go but I hope for others talking can help find peace. 
Aifedavcr0ckKasa2103AzzimanButterfly23

Comments

  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    Sending you a hug @NatalieMT <3

    I just wanted to say how strong you really are. You're really trying and I can hear how much you want things to get better. I came across a really inspiring quote on Instagram the other day that I wanted to share with you:

    Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is to keep going when you really feel like giving up. 

    Part of recovery is fighting through these moments where you feel like you can't go on. It sounds like you're feeling a bit like this at the moment and feeling like things can't ever be fixed or healed. Keep going Natalie, things really can get better. Take each day slowly. You'll look back on this time in your life and see how much stronger you've become. It's going to be difficult, but remember we're always going to be here to help you along the way. 

    I’m exhausted with putting myself out there, I’ve talked and talked and nothing. 

    Would you like to talk about this a bit more? How are things going with your counselling?

    Stay strong <3

    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 175 Helpling Hand
    I couldn’t talk with the counsellor, I wasn’t trusting her, didn’t feel safe at all, the last time she wanted to talk about one of the times something happened a bit more, I did but it was like it wasn’t about me, I felt nothing, I spoke it all in third person and felt so uncomfortable. She then referred to what happened to me as a ‘sexual experience’. It was that to me, to me it was like a stab in the heart every time something happened, every time something happened it was another part of me gone and this hole just growing. There’s nothing of me left. Needless to say she hasn’t contacted me or anything, may be not bothered about me, which is fine I don’t expect care when I can’t care for myself. 

    I started trusting the counsellor from the mix but then felt she understood the missing parts of me and why.

    I’m exhausted with just being here, carrying on every day, I’m exhausted with hurting myself, exhausted with doing things that hurt. There isn’t a part of me that doesn’t hurt or feel sad. Sadness just runs through my body, my being and my thoughts and I feel consumed by the badness that I feel.

    At the same time I feel exhausted with continuing to kept this secret, with feeling dirty by it all, I spoke certain words to rape crisis counsellor and it felt just as dirty as when it had happened and when I first spoke about it. That hasn’t got any less.  I’ve stayed silent for these reasons.

    I know what I need but the things I need are impossible.  I need a way out of this. I don’t even know what it is to be strong anymore. 

    Sorry


    ItaliaAifeHan93
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi @NatalieMT

    Firstly I just want to say that you are so strong for opening up about this - we are here to support you.

    What you're experiencing with counsellors sounds difficult and frustrating. However, please know that just because these specific counsellors may not have understood your needs doesn't mean that all hope is lost. There will be others out there who can help you recover and lead a content life. Perhaps looking into other options of people who can support you might be helpful?

    If you feel like you need someone immediately, please don't hesitate to contact the Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/. I have used their service before which has helped me understand my emotions and my options regarding feeling better, I hope that maybe it'll help you to do the same

    I can understand that this can feel like a long and difficult road but you can feel better.

    YOU are strong <3
  • AbigailAbigail Carer/musician Posts: 682 Incredible Poster
    @NatalieMT , we are always here for you <3

    Have you thought about speaking to your GP? If i remember correctly you have a good relationship with them. Don't give up, keep talking someone will soon sit and listen. You always have us, there always will be someone here who will sit and listen to you if you just need to rant or even just cry. 

    Keep talking to us lovely, 

    Speak soon
    Abi
    Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking.
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster

    Hey Natalie
    NatalieMT said:
    I don’t even know what it is to be strong anymore. 


    You sound you are strong to me. Seeking support and talking these things are hard. It can be frustating to try and feel like getting no where. Sometimes feel like said enough and going over it again is draining. Do you feel like that or ? Some things take a lot longer to be able to say and thats okay.  Its good to talk to feel less alone with it so i hope you found some benefits for it even if not major obvious ones. Well be listening too. Well done for seeking help <3

    NatalieMT said:
    Needless to say she hasn’t contacted me or anything, may be not bothered about me, which is fine I don’t expect care when I can’t care for myself. 


    This is when we need the most care! You deserve care so i hope you can find ways to look after yourself more even just the small things can help.   How are you doing now?

    Take care!
    Youre stronger than you think

    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hi @NatalieMT

    I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said and say that you are incredibly brave, strong and wonderful <3

    We are always here to talk to - try and remember that when you are feeling alone!
    Butterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hey Nat,

    Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing since you posted this? 💗

    HUGS,

    Butterfly x
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