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Being single

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 2 Newbie
in Sex & Relationships
So I’m currently a student at university and I love the social life that comes with it. As someone who didn’t really date before starting uni, it proved to be a whole new experience for me. 

There have been a couple of lads that I’ve liked but things have never progressed. All my friends are either in relationships or they have boys chasing after them, but no one ever seems to bother with me in a romantic way. I’m very chatty and find it easy getting on with people, but boys usually talk to me for ages then ask me to set them up with my friends. It just leaves me feeling very unattractive, like I question what’s wrong with me. Does anyone else feel like this?
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Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy,  welcome to the site!

    really greAt youre enjoying uni and the social stuff. Just the social stuff can be the hardest. 

    Can hear how you feel left out.  The whole dating stuff is really hard. It doesnt mean youre unattractive if the relationships dont go that far. Cause friendships can be first start to a relationship and can take awhile. AlThough imo sometimes you need to make your feelings clear. Being easy to get along with is really great and people love people who are easy to talk to - makes them really good friends- so maybe thats how they feel they connect with you on that level and nothing to do with apperance or didnt show some feelings on if like them as two way thing, and can be anyone who bothers to be romatic to start with. If that makes sense. Idek if makes sense ah sorry. 

    You sound like youre doing really well and wishing you all the best in meeting new people and forming relationships
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    edited September 18
    Hi there @Past User

    I'm so glad that you're enjoying university and taking full advantage of the social opportunities there. 

    It sounds like you're really down about this at the moment. It can be awful feeling like you're somehow not good enough for romantic attention. From what you've described in your post, it seems like a lot of these boys are opportunists who just use you to get close to your friends. I've experienced the same thing myself, as have a few other of my friends - it can be really disheartening. 

    That said, boys are very dim when it comes to relationships. They might not even realise how upsetting it is for you to be in that situation. The next time someone asks you to set them up with your friend, firmly tell them that they should go to them directly instead of wasting your time. 

    I think it's so important, especially at uni, to make your life as full as possible. This could be joining a society, doing a sport, writing for your student newspaper etc. Dating and relationships at uni are often very intense, complicated and time consuming so it's always a good thing to have other things to focus on as well. If you want to meet more like-minded people, joining clubs is definitely the way to go. You'll make lots of new connections with people who share your interests. 

    I hope this helps a little <3


    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User
    Thank you for sharing! I wanted you to know that how you are feeling is very normal. I really understand it can feel like all of your friends have boys chasing after them, but that doesn't mean you are alone in this :heart:

    I have been in this situation and it can be really upsetting! But as cliche as this sounds, I am in a relationship now and that happened when I wasn't even thinking about a relationship. It was the most natural bonding, without be consciously worrying about boys liking me. So you really can find someone, perhaps when you least expect it :heart:

    I really do understand how upsetting it can be, but just as the others have said, it changes absolutely nothing about how great you are. It is a really great quality that you easily get along well with others and that deserves to be celebrated. You can form some really special friendships this way and it perhaps one day they may blossom into something more. But there really is no rush - and never change :smile:

    Take good care! 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User

    I completely know how you feel, dating can be a minefield! But I just want to reiterate what @coc0mac said; you often find people when you least expect it.

    Try and remember all the amazing points about you and know that it's their loss if they don't show interest!

    As @Past User said, there is more to Uni life than dating - it might be a good idea to join societies etc to meet more people who you may have a potential connection with, romantic or not.

    However just know that it's completely normal to feel this way. You are not alone <3 


    Post edited by TheMix on
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