VO5 Summer of Love Series: Coping with rejection
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This week, the VO5 series covers the theme ‘relationships’ and today I wanted to explore the idea of dealing with rejection.
I think this is something everyone has come in to contact with at some point in their life, whether you have been the rejector or the rejectee (or both). Rejection can be a very difficult and painful situation to have to deal with so knowing how to cope with it could prove very helpful.
The VO5 article, ‘Coping with rejection’, discusses a number of useful tips you could consider when/ if you ever have to cope with rejection. If you’re the rejectee they suggest that talking it through with a friend can help process what has happened. On the other hand, if you’re the rejector, it’s recommend that you’re sensitive to how the other person is feeling but also be clear and firm with what you are saying. It’s better for the both of you in the long run, even if they do take it personally to begin with.
Would be great to hear your thoughts on this! Does anyone have any advise/ tips or experiences on how you would deal with rejection, whether you’re the one being rejected or the one doing the rejecting.
Comments
I really liked the tips in the article and I think they could really help someone in this situation. I especially think being firm is important. I once had a situation where my boy best-friend caught feelings for me, whereas I just wanted to keep it as a friendship. I do think being firm would have made the situation easier for both of us as I was so worried about hurting his feelings, but actually that just sugar coated it for a while. Firm doesn't have to be a bad thing
If I was rejected, I would 100% talk to somebody about it. I don't think I would need advice so to speak - but just to get everything off my chest. And recognise that it's nothing personal. Sometimes its just not the right person or the right time and that really is okay
For most of my romantic life I've been the rejector. Having had dealings with both genders, I can say with a certain degree of accuracy that men take rejection the hardest. Women tend to internalize the pain, work through it and move on. Men, on the other hand, seem to think that persistence is the way to go. Spoiler alert: it's not.
For example, like @coc0mac, I have also had male friends catch feelings for me. One of my best friends admitted to me twice, years apart, that he was in love with me. Both of my rejections were very firm but it didn't stop him from crossing my boundaries several times and acting in ways towards me that were not appropriate. Eventually, I had to end the friendship.
Rejection is a natural part of love, though some people seem more equipped to deal with it than others. The times that I've been rejected, I definitely found it helpful to speak to someone about it. Cutting off contact with the object of your affections is also something I cannot stress enough. If it's a friend, and you eventually want to become friends again some day, this is even more important.
I would agree that persistence is really difficult as it tests your ability to stay firm and stick with your decision. Therefore I think it's important to remember why you are acting how you are - that you're not trying to hurt anyone but just trying to keep healthy boundaries in order to stay firm and assertive with your decision.
When being the one who is rejected I think it's important to remind yourself how great you are (practising self-love/ self-care etc) but also having the respect for yourself to move on when you can. Like @coc0mac, I would discuss it with people around me in order to allow myself to move forward.
Great thread @Past User
thank you all so much for your replies.
It appears that being firm is one of the key ideas we can take from this, which i agree with. Although it can be hard its always better for both parties in the long run, even if they dont see it initially.
@Past User sad to hear you had to end a friendship but if he wasn’t getting the message and he couldn’t respect your boundaries it sounded as though you did the right thing. I also like your idea of going cold turkey on the person, from past experience this has definitely helped me.
@alice123 i would agree, self love/ care are very important to practise especially when dealing with rejection! @coc0mac talking things through with those closest to you would definitely help process what has happened, or seeking out a service such as the mix or a counsellor if you felt like you couldn’t talk to friends or family could be a good alternative.
I totally agree with @alice123 - self love is so important when dealing with rejection! From my personal experience, when I've been rejected it made me feel like i'd done something wrong to deserve it. I started thinking about all my flaws and that I wasn't good enough.
Luckily I have supportive women around me (my mum and sister in particular) who made me realise that it wasn't anything that I did wrong, it was just that he wasn't the right boy for me. It's important to remember that you are wonderful and amazing, it's just that you can't be everybody's type and that's ok.
For me, everything happens for a reason. And rejection makes you a stronger person and realise your worth!