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I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it!!!!!!!

sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
It always happens that I see someone I like the look off and so want to be their friend but I'm ultra nervous and scared to speak to them and so much as say hi and what's your name. There's this strong unexplained nervous feeling inside me that holds me back (I hate when people ask what's the worst thing that will happen if I talk to them because there's no explanation! It's simply how I feel) that talking to them feels like jumping over a cliff. And I feel most nervous to speak to the people I like most, for me wanting to make friends is like having a crush on the person and finding a soulmate (which is a very difficult feeling as being lesbian isn't allowed in my religion. I hope you don't view it that way) that I end up just stalking them around and act all retarded. And it always happens that the most appealing people are always way out of my league and have their own group of friends and I feel uncomfortable speaking when they're around too. Being my quiet shy self pulls me back on this and even worse of my autistic spectrum.

It happened last night when I was at big gathering. I just sat there staring at the person and I couldn't get my voice to ask what her name was. All the other friends I have were made by chance, they either spoke to me first or are in the same society group or class at school as me or knew my parents or siblings first. It's much harder in the more general matter as stated above. I don't want to ask my parents' help on this anymore, my mum especially will pressurise me into socialising more by wanting me to talk to people rather than only read books and get professional help and make me do stupid babyish role plays with her to practice. And my dad will only tell my mum. They won't get the fact that I don't want to make friends with people in general, it's just with that one specific person. As I don't even know this person's name I can't look her up anywhere and follow her on social networking sites and see if she is in any particular society group. I desperately want to be friends with her and am totally feeling upset and distressed that I can't start a convo with her and get so nervous around her. I often end up blaming myself for being so naturally quiet. I wish there was some kind of serum or something to change the hormones inside of me that cause the nervous anxious feeling and automatically make me feel more naturally confident to speak up to the ones I really like.


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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @sozforhappy

    Thank you so much for sharing. I can really hear there is somebody you would like to be friends with but the idea of speaking to them makes you feel really nervous. You feel like this happens the most around people you really like; and you feel like being shy pulls you back from talking, and that this is made worse by your autism. You did really well putting into words how you are feeling - this is a great first step towards getting the advice and support you deserve. 

    I can see that you don't want to ask your parents for help on this and that's okay - there are lots of other things you could do. You mentioned you are scared to say hi and ask them for their name, so I am wondering how you might feel about giving them a compliment the next time you see them - or the next time you are in a similar situation. Saying something nice can be a great way to start building a friendship; it can make both you and them feel good, and it may encourage them to continue the conversation which could take that pressure off you. Although this advice can apply in general situations, I completely understand that you want to be friends with this person specifically so I am just wondering if you could ask the person who held the gathering for this person's name - or perhaps to find out the next time you might see them?

    You mentioned you find being on the autistic spectrum makes it more difficult, so I am wondering if you might find this video useful https://youtu.be/OSEZMVbcIv0 . It is somebody who is also on the autistic spectrum talking about their experiences in making friends, so it might have some really helpful advice that you could relate to :) Perhaps you could have a look and let me know what you think?

    One thing I really want you to know is that it's not your fault. Some people are naturally shy and some people are naturally confident and that is completely okay - it's all part of what makes us who we are. :heart: Take care x

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