Tough few years.

_Casey_

Hey, I'm not sure where I should begin.

Since the beginning of 2016, I've been feeling that I do not belong here anymore and that I do not deserve to be here. For starters, I'm a horrible daughter and sibling. I can't seem to do anything to make my family proud of me. I feel especially bad for my mum though, having to constantly nag at me for all the little, stupid arguments that we have. Things can get so bad between us that once she said that she would leave if I did not change. Most of the times when we try to have a normal conversation, it always usually ends up in an argument and us not talking until a few hours has passed. I see my dad 2 days every month so he doesn't really have to worry about my behaviour and I've been told by my Granddad that not even my Nan would be proud of me. I always seem rude towards my other siblings and they would rather ignore me than spend time with me. My younger sister always comments on how I look and how I dress and it makes me so self-conscious. She always laughs at me whenever she sees me.

My sleep pattern has become so irregular since last year. Some nights, I won't fall asleep before the early hours of the morning and other nights I'm asleep before 1AM but I usually wake up multiple times. I constantly feel tired and always have dark circles under my eyes. I have no motivation to do anything at the moment and I don't even want to leave my bed. I keep having unwanted thoughts that make me feel so guilty towards other people. I really do think that this place would be better without me. I'm not talented, smart or pretty. I'm feeling pretty worthless right now and I don't know what to do. I'm not comfortable talking to my family about my private life and my friends don't really offer the best advice. I love them but, they just keep saying that things will be okay.

One last thing. I've become so stressed and anxious the past few months so as a way to cope with these feelings, I do a form of self-harm. I don't intentionally do it, I just do it without thinking so now because of what I'm doing, I feel quite self-conscious about it. My mum has noticed but she just thinks it's something else and I don't have the heart to tell her why. The only good thing is that it looks semi-decent again.

Sorry for the long post - I'm just really not sure what I should do right now. Thank you for taking the time to read and any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

[edited by moderator]

Han93

Hi @_Casey_

Sounds like you're having a bit of a tough time at the moment but don't ever think you don't belong here - you do! We are all here to support you!

Have you spoken to your mum about how you're feeling? If you struggle to talk to her in-person because it ends in an argument maybe you could sit down and write how you're feeling down and give it to her. Family is tough but your mum loves you, you just need to clear the air I think.

If you don't think you can talk to your mum, is there a close friend or a teacher that you could talk to?

Have you been to your GP about your sleeping and your habit of self-harm? It sounds like it might all be related.

There are some helplines for if you're feeling really down and need someone to have a chat with:

• Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

• Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123. 

Mind also have some really good self care tips for when you're feeling down. I know it says these are specifically for depression but I think they're useful for when you're just feeling a bit down too:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/self-care/#.XPE1HuTsb6s

_Casey_

Thank you, @Han93 for giving me advice

I'd probably feel most comfortable talking to a close friend rather than my mum or teacher. I've already told a good friend of mine about my self-harm and they're trying to help but still unsure of what they can do. I'm too afraid to go to the GP. If you're 16, can you go by yourself without a parent being present and if you can, would it remain confidential? For the helplines, do they cost anything and do they stay confidential? I don't really want my mum to find out.

Once again, thank you for the advice. It has been really useful 

chubbydumpling

Hi @_Casey_

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through - I promise, though, you absolutely deserve to be here. We're all here to support you

I think @Han93's given you some really helpful advice so I'd just like to address some of your concerns. 

• Anyone aged 16 and above can make and attend appointments without needing a parent or guardian present
• Your GP is legally obliged to keep anything you discuss private, barring really extreme circumstances i.e. if you are being abused, planning to harm someone
• With The Mix's Crisis Messenger, you can text for free from the following networks: EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus
• The Mix takes confidentiality very seriously and there are only a few circumstances in which we relax those rules i.e. if we believe you are at risk of harm 

I hope that's cleared up any questions but please feel free to write back if there's anything I missed

Butterfly23

Hey, sending love your way! 💗