Connecting With Partner’s Siblings

Former Member

I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months, and he’s a lovely lad and it’s all going very well and seems like everything will progress long term.

The only issue I have at the moment is connecting with his siblings, more importantly his little sister. He has a brother too but he’s 19 and doesn’t very much talk to anyone, so there’s no surprise he’s not even bothered offering a cup of tea up to date. However his little sister seems lovely, and I really want to get along with her, but I just seem to struggle!

She’s 13 and we have lots of similar interests, such as animated movies, baking, arts and crafts or painting and drawing etc. However the thought of hanging out with her and connecting with her just makes me cringe! I feel like a terrible person for it too. She’s very curious so likes to ask lots of questions, and the thought of sitting down and painting with her feels daunting and quite frankly... awkward. I don’t want to have to answer lots of questions from her and I also don’t want her messing around with all of my stuff from my art supplies to make up to my laptop (I’ve always shared my belongings as that’s the type of family I come from, but I feel like her trying to connect with me through my things is a bit of an intrusion). She loves playing online games and experimenting with makeup and painting- all the things I love doing, but gosh, I feel like if she so much as attempts to smile at me I’m going to snap at her!

 I just don’t understand why! There’s something about her that makes me feel uncomfortable and I can’t figure it out. I feel like such a bitch for it too, I want her to feel loved and I want her to think I’m fun but right now I feel like I just want to isolate myself from her and avoid her at all costs. Can anyone offer any advice??? 

Former Member

Hey @Past User

Welcome to the boards!

This is a tricky thing to deal with - I've been in this same position myself. As an only child, it was especially difficult for me to find ways to interact with my past partner's siblings. I simply didn't know how to act around them. 

You say that the thought of hanging around with his little sister is a bit cringe inducing. I don't think you're alone in that. I imagine his sister too is a little wary of connecting with her big brother's girlfriend. Out of curiousity, what is the age difference between you? If she's considerably younger, she may not feel the need to get to know you in any meaningful way. A simple 'hello' or 'how are you?' when you visit could suffice. 

Former Member

Hi,

Thank you for sharing this! I have experienced this situation with my current partner so I can understand how you're feeling. 

From reading your post, I am wondering if you feel fearful of getting to know her incase you don't click as that is important to you in looking towards a long-term relationship with her brother? I certainly felt this when getting to know the siblings of my partner as I so wanted to be liked! Do you think this might have a part to play in your discomfort around her? 

In terms of hanging out, if she did want to and you were happy to give it a go, could you arrange a situation in which your personal belongings are not part of the activity? If she has the same interests as you as mentioned, perhaps you could ask her what she would like to do and you could do it together?  

Siena

Heyy. Thanks for sharing. 


Adding on to what others have said - you are not alone with those feelings and can hear your confusion and frustration. It may be useful to think of all options like Alice said of something that doesn't involve your things. 


I also wanted to add that I think we all have certain feelings and judgements around people we do not fully know yet. And that's okay you sounds really thoughtful & invested to this and far from a bitch. I have found sometimes getting to know people after our initial thoughts and pre judgements can really help us to change the way we feel and get a different perspective on it.  Rather than avoiding it. What do you think about that? 

Hope you're okay. 

Former Member

Hi, thank you for sharing!

I wanted to let you know what you are going through is very common. I myself can relate - whilst I get along with my boyfriend's brother really well, I too feel slightly awkward around my brother's girlfriend, even though we are really quite similar. Something that I'm trying is to go out with her and my brother at the same time a bit more often, to get used to her company, so that eventually we would feel comfortable together alone. Perhaps you could give this a try too?

There's no rush, it's okay to feel like this. You sound like you really do care, which is a great first step to improving this relationship  good luck!