Family and exams.

_Casey_

Hey,
I'm currently doing my second week of my GCSEs and it's going horribly. Every time that I leave the exam room, I feel as if I am becoming more dumber. The school and teachers haven't done much to help me out. If anything, they've probably forgotten about me - they used to check up on me to see how I was coping but they haven't done that in a while and I don't really want to go and see them as they are usually busy supporting other students.

My family hasn't really helped me out either. My mum keeps saying things like 'you're thick' whenever she receives emails from my school about needing extra help or when I am being offered extra sessions of a certain lesson. She doesn't encourage me to do well or to try my best and it's starting to make me believe that she really doesn't care about my school work or how I am doing. However, my dad expects me to do well but I'm currently not. I still haven't told him what I got on my mocks as I'm afraid that I'll disappoint him because he has high expectations of me. He doesn't encourage me to study or to try my best either. The same is with my stepmum but she also used to constantly mention things about subject camps which made me think that I really am not smart whatsoever. My siblings also say things like 'I can't wait to see you fail'. Am I really that dumb?

Exams are stressing me out so much. I've had a few panic attacks and wanted to cry every time that I leave the exam room. Every time I come home after an exam, I just want to lay on my bed and cry. I have no motivation to study but when I do, I'll always find something better to do like completely clean my bedroom. I keep thinking that as I can't control my anxiety during exams, I can control how my bedroom looks and how clean it is.

Sorry for the long rant. It's my first time writing one of these but I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Lucy307

Hey @_Casey_

Welcome to the Mix - I remember how stressful GCSE exams were so feel at least part of that pain sending hugs and best of luck for the rest of your exams. 

I can really hear how anxious these exams are making you feel and it is disappointing to hear you are suffering like this on your own. I know you mentioned your teachers are busy helping other students, but do you have perhaps one teacher that you trust and would be able to go and talk to about how you're feeling? I hope one of them may be kind enough that you feel comfortable in going to them and talking about it, - this is what I used to do when I was feeling anxious and it made me feel better. 

I'm also really sorry to hear how your family are trivialising it and making you feel worse - have you been able to speak to any of them about how you feel? I wonder if they are trying to joke around and not realising that what they are saying is unkind and it's getting to you? 

- Lucy

_Casey_

@Lucy307,

Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot.   

There is one teacher that I do kind of trust and feel comfortable around but I'm usually the quiet, private person so I find it really difficult to open up to others. The teacher knows a little bit about how I am currently feeling about the exams but she doesn't know the full extent of it. I don't really know how I would start a conversation to the teacher about this or respond to the questions that she might ask. With my family, I'm on good terms with most of them but, I've never really spoken to them about my school life or just life in general. I don't really feel that comfortable talking to my parents about this either which is why I haven't yet.

I think with my mum, she does usually joke around so it could just be that she doesn't realise that what she is saying is getting to me but, on most occasions, if I do go to her for a personal issue, she usually brushes it off saying that I'll be fine so I don't mention it again.

- Casey.

JustV

@Lucy307 said exactly what I was thinking. I was going to say perhaps these are very insensitive jokes you're on the receiving end of, and if so it's totally okay not to be okay with that.

Do you think it would help to chat to your family a bit and tell them that these sorts of comments are unhelpful, and that what you really need right now is a bit of support from them? I know you said you're not too comfortable talking to them, so maybe a letter or long text could be an option too.

It's great that you have a teacher you feel comfortable enough to chat to, though. I don't know if this helps, but something I used to do if I wanted to chat to a teacher was take a bit longer to pack up at the end of a lesson - when it's just you and them they tend to be a bit more chatty in my experience, and might pick up on some hints (e.g. if you make a comment about being really tired with exams or something).

GCSE exams are brutal, so I totally feel you on how stressful they can be (much more so when you don't have supportive people around you to help you through it). Such an inconvenient time of life to also have to deal with exams and stuff. Best of luck @_Casey_ and let us know how they're going.

_Casey_

@Mike, thank you

I've asked my mum to stop with one comment that she used to make but she got quite annoyed with me when I did. I'm glad she did stop with that comment though because it made me feel so guilty towards her. I'm unsure of how she'll react if I ask her to stop with the other comments though.

I'll definitely try what you suggested about taking a bit longer to pack up. It seems like that could really help!

Thank you for the advice! I'll definitely try it when I go back to school on Monday