Nothing

Former Member

People can be born bad. I was.
Three years ago I learned what real happiness was, time stood still when I had my daughter, in that moment I was happy, not a bad thought crossed my mind. I can move the earth for her, but underneath that power there’s deep sadness, pain, I feel so empty.
I live for her, but life wasn’t supposed to be this way. 
There is only one thing she’ll never be me, she’ll never be bad.
My vulnerabilities I’ll share that with no one, I was vulnerable every time he abused me, when he/they hurt me, I was vulnerable then and I’m vulnerable now.
I’ve fought, edited my words because I’m scared of what the actual words will do to me now. I’m paranoid of people what people think, what people do, ulterior motives. He/they did it but the words of what they did consume me, make me who I am, destruct me.
I know what I want, what makes me feel better, but truth I’ll never ask because of my perception of myself, because I’m bad, because I’m ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed.
I’m just part of them and what they did = nothing! 
I will always be sorry and apologies for being me.

Former Member

Hey Natalie

I hope writing on here and this community helps. It's good to get things out.

I don't think you were born bad at all. I'm sad to see you feeling this way about yourself You seem very kind, insightful, and I know that you're cared about and lovable. What they did to you was an action, their choice - and although I really understand how it made you feel like this, you're not part of them and what they did, you're an individual and awesome person who's worth so much more than that.

Sorry I don't have much to say - I'm listening and supporting you x

Former Member

Hello @NatalieMT,
        Thank you for sharing your thoughts, seems it's really difficult for you to do.
           There are no bad people born... We are born like blank piece of paper , whatever features, thoughts we have are acquired from outside, mostly from parents, then friends etc. If you feel bad, probably you have exactly in mind what is bad about you... how do you think is it possible to change it?
             People say that understanding of the problem is already a half of a way out. And you already do. Of cause it's not that simple cause you got use to some bad thoughts (e.g.) but step by step you can get rid of it cause it's conscious decision. What do you think about that?