My friend

Former Member

I found out what is wrong with my friend. I said to her a week or so ago that I still wanted to end my life and she thought that me being in hospital and having "support" (I have hardly any support) I wouldnt feel like this anymore. That is why she has been distant with me. What does she want me to say or do about that! Any suggestions? I'm afraid I'm going to be suicidal until the day I die. I've been suicidal since I was 17ish, I'm 24 now. I think that is long enough for someone to be suicidal for. It's not fair!

JustV

Hey @Sham,

Hmmmm... It's tricky to know what to suggest here without knowing the emotional reason for her becoming distant. You mentioned it's because she thought you wouldn't feel suicidal anymore after being hospital - do you know what sort of emotional reaction she had to that?

A few possibilities that come to mind are that perhaps she doesn't know what to say, isn't sure how to help, or maybe is feeling super worried or upset that you're struggling. Obviously I don't know if it's any of those things, but how you might handle this situation probably depends on how she's feeling as well as how she's acting.

How much have you spoken to her since you spent time in hospital?

What does she want me to say or do about that ... I'm afraid I'm going to be suicidal until the day I die. I've been suicidal since I was 17ish, I'm 24 now. I think that is long enough for someone to be suicidal for. It's not fair!

It really does sound like you've been through it more than enough. I won't pretend to know what it's like to be where you are, but people do recover. Even after a lot of years. It might not feel like that's going to happen right now, but just as people are capable of becoming suicidal, they're also capable of that feeling subsiding and finding wellness, under the right circumstances and with the right support.

It's not fair, but you're doing well. You're still alive and you're still fighting, and there's nothing easy about that.

Note: I've moved this thread to Sex & Relationships as it feels like more of a relationship issue than a wellbeing one.

Former Member

Hello @Sham, 

I am sorry to hear your friend is being distant, I am sure that hurts you. I want you to know that whatever way your friend is behaving is not your fault, and that it is her way of dealing with the situation. I think if you do want to say something to her, perhaps you could tell her that you are still figuring out how to deal with feeling like this, and her being distant doesn't help you?

I know this burden feels like it will never be lifted and i know it feel unfair, but I am proud of you for carrying on and getting through it, it just shows how strong you have been and how strong you can be.

Im sorry you feel like you do not have support, you have us to talk to, feel free to come talk to us anytime  

For additional support, you can use our crisis messenger: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

You can also venture into our support chats, which is a judgement free zone: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat

Take care of yourself and keep being strong!
Viloka

Former Member

I don't know what sort of emotional reaction she had.

I have spoken to her a lot since I spent time in a hospital.

I don't think people do recover. 

Former Member

I have told her that being distant with me is'nt helping. 

JustV

Sham said:

I don't think people do recover. 

It's interesting to think about recovery and what that means. What does it mean to you, @Sham?

Sham said:

I have told her that being distant with me is'nt helping. 

What did she say when you told her this? Well done for telling her - these things are never easy.

Former Member

Recovery means that you are well, healthy and happy.

She did'nt say anything.

Former Member

Hey @Sham,
Look, you never know what other persons think or plan to do, we are all different. There is no need to analyze her behavior... if you need some help from her, just ask her. The same if you want talk more with her - tell her. But in case if she doesn't want to you have nothing to do but accept her choise.
Could you tell me please what's the reason you feel suicidal?

Former Member

My life has been crap and I've had crap thrown at me since I was 17 so that is why I think of suicide.

Former Member

@Sham,
don't you feel that you are ready to change something to get life that you want?

Rhys

***I know this topic was aimed at your friend, id just like to give my two cents on the suicidal thoughts part***

@Sham Hey sham, things sounds really difficult, have you told the doctors how you're feeling?

I'm not saying go into hospital, but if you tell the doctors about your suicidal thoughts / low moods they may be able to help.

Over the past 6 or 7 years I've been suffering from a range of mental health issues, Suicidal thoughts being one of them. However, its started to get better, along with my voices and hallucinations dying down, and the personality becoming nice.

So what i'm trying to say is, things can get better. You may not make a 100% complete recovery, but you can make enough of a recovery to live a good and happy life. 

There will be times when you have down days, don't get me wrong there, but thats normal, for everyone regardless of mental health. 

The thing that has worked mostly for me, other then my medication, is planning for my future. Now I'm not saying everything is achievable straight away, I'm far far far from what I've planned, however having goals and something to aim for, that is reasonable, is a good start.

I'm sorry to hear that you have had a bad life thus far, and I honestly hope things look up in the future.

Former Member

I've had 7 years of trying Valeria. 

Former Member

I know @Sham that probably you won't like what I tell, but these are not my words these are words of one famous business coach...
if you want smth do it , do not try to do it but do it. These are two different actions. This business coach called a girl and asked her to try to take a pencil from his hand, she approached and just took it. And he replied that he didn't ask to take it he asked to try and that's a difference.
It's only your life and only you can manage it or you can change your attitude to this. I know easier tell than do, but if you really are looking for a way out maybe it can be helpful

Former Member

Hi @Sham

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It can't be easy to open up about these difficult feelings and I want you to know that we admire you for this and we are here for you.

I've had 7 years of trying Valeria. 

It sounds like you are struggling with your medication - have you been to your GP to speak about this lately? I can imagine this might feel frustrating and upsetting if you are trying to make things better for yourself but you are still suffering. Your GP/ hospital only wants the best for you, as do we, so talking could be helpful.

Although things can feel impossible, I agree with @Rhys from personal experience:

So what i'm trying to say is, things can get better. You may not make a 100% complete recovery, but you can make enough of a recovery to live a good and happy life. 

With your friend, although you cannot know what emotional reaction she had, you said that you still talk a lot? So perhaps your friendship is stronger than you previously thought? I understand changes in a friendship can be concerning especially if you really value that person. 

Let us know how you're doing and remember that you are important and valued