Relationships at University

Former Member

Hi!

With exam season beginning and the idea of university potentially popping into some people's heads, I've been thinking about people's thoughts on going to university whilst in a relationship. What do we think guys - yay or nay? 

Every year I see this debated, and I definitely do think there's no right or wrong answer! It's what works for you. I personally went to university whilst in a relationship, and we have now been together for 3 years - if anything, uni made us stronger. So if you are worried about this, I wanted to say that it really can work! But what do you think?

coc0mac x

Former Member

Hi @coc0mac

Great thread!

I began university 4 years ago now, in a relationship I definitely didn't want to be in. Going to uni was the opportunity I needed to think things through and break it off. I'm glad I did, because I ended up falling in love for the first time ever with one of my housemates. We were together throughout uni but eventually the relationship broke down. I have my regrets but I'm still glad I got to experience my first love and find out what I really wanted in a relationship. 

Former Member

Thank you so much @Past User, and thank you for sharing! 

It sounds like your experience of uni and relationships taught you some great life lessons. Regrets can often be part of a learning curve, so that's really interesting to hear!

I'm glad uni gave you the opportunity to end a relationship you didn't want to be in too. That's a good point and you always deserve to be happy

Former Member

Hello @coc0mac

I was single during the 1st year of uni and started dating my current boyfriend who was back home, during 2nd year of uni, and it was a long distance relationship. We have been together for 4 and half years now. Although, I love him and we've been through so much together, the long distance part of it was really hard. 

However, I did not have any curiosity about other people because my first year of college was filled with going out with a lot of different kind of guys, and hook ups, friends that made me understand myself and what I wanted better.

I think unless you have a certain curiosity, or you have the need and want to explore your 'options', it is completely okay to enter uni with a relationship.

However, there comes the part where you need to keep up not only with uni work, but also socialising with your friends, and there are many who do not want have to choose their partner over fun things they could do with their friends. There is also the stress of being away from home, and learning about yourself more each day. 

I think it depends on the person, and the relationship itself. If there re sacrifices to be made, they have to be worth it.

Former Member

Hi @coc0mac, great thread idea!

We’ve seen a lot of perspectives from people who kept relationships ongoing during Uni or ended them during their time at Uni so I’ll throw in my experience. 

As you said, everyone’s unique and different and there’s really no right answer for this. Whatever works for you, works for you. 

After I got my Uni offer, I personally decided to end my relationship with my partner as I felt it wouldn’t really work at Uni. We’d been going out for about a year. This wasn’t because I had doubts about either of us being faithful. Rather, I felt that I wanted to have zero distractions as I started University, and I feel like our relationship would have broken down over time because of the distance and other issues. 

This idea of not having distractions is something I’ve continued with at Uni and I’ve personally avoided having a relationship. I’ve been on a date or two here and there but ultimately decided against pursuing anything further. On top of that, I personally feel like I wouldn’t want anyone affecting my decisions on what I do after uni. The same way I wouldn’t want me to affect them. If they want to move out the country I don’t want a relationship to stop them, and vice versa. 

This was my personal experience and what I felt would work for me. Anyone’s experience and choice is valid here. It just depends on what you feel would work best for you.  I know people who’ve continued their relationship into uni and they’ve done great. It’s all just about personal character. 

Former Member

Hey @coc0mac,
interesting thing to discuss...
I've broken up before i entered University, because I felt that we were different. It was cool to spend time together but it was not enough to continue. I wanted to study as much as possible and focus on my future career and I didn't need anything that hold me back. I've just finished to read Michelle Obama book and she had the same situation. She broke up with the guy while he was seeing her off to university. She just told him that she didn't feel that they were supposed to be together, he was not her man.
So @coc0mac you're absolutely right that it's individual, you just need to feel how's right for you and make your choice  
Btw I really advice to read her book "Becoming" . It's real, I mean it's written in such a sincere way that while I was reading I had a feeling that she's just in front of me telling her story. Fantastic woman and person

Former Member

Great thread @coc0mac and such a personal decision - I understand both sides of going to uni in a relationship or breaking it off beforehand. 

I thought I was in a great relationship when I went to uni which quite quickly broke down, but I've got no regrets. I think uni is just part of growing up and if you can stay together with someone, that's very lucky as you're both probably growing up and changing at the same time! But if not, as long as you don't regret it, then you'll probably have learnt some things

Former Member

Love this thread idea 

I am just finishing my second year at university and just entering my 3rd year with my boyfriend. 

Having a boyfriend while at uni definitely has its challenges and i did consider not going to university beforehand but I’m a true believer of if its meant to be it will be and being so young i didnt want what i do with my life to be dictated by a boy. So, i took the plunge and moved about 2 and half hours away. Its not massively long distance but going from seeing him everyday to about every 2 weeks was very difficult especially in 1st year. I think it has been a test to see whether we do actually want to be together or whether we were together just because it was ‘easy’ back at home. And i feel like when we do see each other now it is so much more special and enjoy the time we do have with each other so much more 

On the other hand i know loads of friends who split with their boyfriend/ girlfriend before or during uni and love life just as much as me
I think if you were going to split up with your boy/girlfriend, uni is the perfect time to do cause there are plenty of distractions 

Former Member

Some great replies guys, thank you for making this a great discussion! 

@Past User That's really interesting! I think you have it spot on by saying it depends on the person and the relationship itself. It's great to hear that you managed to work through the long distance too

@Jordan Thanks very much! I completely agree, all about personal character. It's good to hear your decision worked out for you

@Past User Thank you so much for sharing! It's great that you were able to do the best thing for you, that's so important. Thank you for the book recommendation too, it's lovely that you can have someone to look up to! A great role model 

@Lucy307 Thank you! 100%, uni is such a learning curve and process of growth! Some people like to do that with a partner alongside them, and others prefer to do that alone - and I think either are absolutely okay, whatever works for you! Thank you for sharing

@Past User I love how your response shows all the different perspectives on this, really interesting! Very true about if it's meant to be it will be. Thank you for sharing